Memories of the Heart
by Betty BOKOR
Summary: SamDaniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam’s life is changed forever.
1. Chapter 1

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 1**

"Are you leaving?" Sam asked Cameron as she crossed paths with him in the corridor.

"Yep. I'm going home."

"Has Daniel left, too?"

"No. Last I saw, he was fretting about some symbol on the walls we explored. He's probably still in his office."

Cam left and Sam walked towards Daniel's office. Cam was right. She found her friend surrounded by a multitude of books on his desk and taking notes feverishly.

"Hey," she greeted him. "You're not going home yet? It's getting late and you're scheduled for a mission in the morning."

"That's why I'm still here, Sam. I found something that doesn't add up and I haven't been able to figure out why."

"Can I help you with it? I know I'm not part of this mission, but-"

"Don't worry, Sam. You must have tons of things to prepare to go to Atlantis. I'll be fine."

"Why don't you show me anyway? Maybe I can give you a fresh point of view."

"Well, most of it is in my quarters. I stayed up almost all night last night trying to solve this."

"Let's go see it. After that, you can go to sleep for a while. You look tired."

Daniel thought for a minute and then decided to share his dilemma with Sam.

As soon as they entered his private quarters, Sam realized how obsessed Daniel had become with the problem at hand. Everywhere there were pictures of the Ancient wall they had been exploring during their last mission. Some were hanging on the walls, many were carefully arranged on top of the bed, others on the table, and more were on the floor. Some of them had been marked with strong red symbols. She walked around the room trying to decipher a pattern to what seemed just madness. Finally she turned to Daniel, who had been quietly observing her as she looked around.

"Do you see it?" he asked.

"See what?" Sam countered.

"The extra symbol on the wall," he answered as he pointed to one specific symbol in some of the pictures.

"It's not in all the sections of the wall," Sam said after looking again.

"It's not in all the pictures. All these are from the same wall, Sam. This group here are the ones you took; these are the ones Vala took after you handed her the camera. Neither group has the symbol in it. Then comes the group that I took. The symbol is in all of them."

"How is that possible? Could anyone else have added the symbol?"

"You know there were no life signs on the planet. Besides, after I saw this, I asked Teal'c to go back and get more pictures. Cameron went with him. All these pictures were taken by them. None has the symbol."

Sam sat in one of the chairs around the table. "I don't understand," she finally said.

"I don't either, Sam. What we know is that the inscriptions on the rest of the wall give us clear directions as to how to procure a weapon that would allow us to defend Earth from any enemies. That's why we're going on this mission tomorrow. The rest, I'm just guessing."

"Do you know what the extra symbol means?"

"I think I have deciphered it. Let me show you." He got a clean piece of paper and drew a circle on it. "This is the edge of the symbol, the circle. It usually means _life_, as something with no beginning or end, just the continuum. Then, on top of it, there's this other sign. We've seen this one before. It means _death_, the interruption of life."

Sam squirmed in her chair. She did not like where the story was going.

"Then," Daniel drew one more sign, "this one opposite _death_, means _reward_, and the one between them to the left, is _pain_."

"What's the last one to the right?" Sam asked, feeling more and more alarmed.

"That one I haven't seen before. After checking every material we have and all my notes, I think I can positively affirm that it means _torture_."

"Torture? I don't understand, Daniel."

"I'm not sure either, Sam, but if I got it correctly, these lines that connect the symbols through the center are related to the general meaning of the drawing."

"How so?"

"Well, they show different paths between those four elements. Sometimes a line ends up in death. Sometimes in reward. Those are the two possible outcomes. They all go through torture and pain. I suppose it means that if you survive the pain of the torture, you'll get the reward. Otherwise-"

"Why do you think the symbol is only in your pictures? Do you think that you captured it because you were ascended before?"

"No, not really." He sat down looking at the symbol he had just drawn. "I think it means that this is _my _fate. Nobody else's," he finished somberly.

Sam felt a shiver run down her spine. "Maybe you should skip this mission and come with me to Atlantis for a while," she suggested.

"You've never missed a mission because you were wary of your future, Sam. You can't ask me to do that, especially with this mission. So much depends on what we're looking for on that planet... We need to get it."

"Then, you have to explain this in the briefing tomorrow before the mission. They all should pay extra attention to you-"

"Sam, I'm not going to get anyone distracted looking after me. We have an objective and that's all that matters. I'll take care of myself and if I can't change this, then, that's the way it's going to be."

Sam understood what Daniel was saying. She just did not want anything to happen to him. She was feeling particularly at fault because she was not scheduled to be part of that specific mission and she felt that she would have had a better chance to protect him than the others now that she knew the whole story. She felt tempted to tell Cameron or Teal'c, but Daniel would not like it.

"This isn't a fact that could alter the mission, just my role or my fate in it. As long as we get the weapon, the rest doesn't matter," he added.

"It matters to me," Sam said. She stood up and walked toward where he was sitting. He stood up, too, and smiled at her.

"It will be all right, Sam."

"Promise me you'll put all this away and rest for a while. I know you probably won't sleep, but at least relax and stop thinking about this for a moment. I'll help you." She turned around and started carefully collecting the pictures from the bed. Then she put them on the table. "There. I'll leave you alone, now. Promise me you'll relax."

He nodded with a tiny smile and she walked toward him to say good-bye. "I don't know if I'll get to see you tomorrow before you leave, so let me give you a hug for good luck. I'll be thinking of you." She approached him and gave him a tight hug as she had done so many times before. She stayed there against his body for a few seconds, thinking of the possibility that she would never see him again. She tightened the embrace and tried to breath in his scent to remember it later. She suddenly felt the need to show him how much she cared and, without thinking twice, she softly kissed his neck.

All his body stiffened and she thought he would push her away from him, but he remained immobile.

She felt like a rush of adrenaline had run through her; now she could not stop herself. She kissed his neck again a few times, but she wanted a real kiss, so she slowly moved her kisses toward his jaw. That was when she felt his body starting to respond to her and that was exactly when Daniel reacted and pushed her away.

He turned around and mumbled, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

She walked toward him and tried to put her hands on his shoulders, but he moved further away.

"Daniel, _I_ am sorry if I offended you. I don't know why _I_ did this, but _I_ did it. It wasn't your fault. I just needed to do it. If you hadn't stopped me-"

He interrupted her with a gesture of his hand as he turned to look at her. "Sam, I didn't _want_ to stop you. I should have. I'm so sorry that-" He closed his eyes with a gesture of impatience.

"If you're sorry because your body was reacting to what I was doing, _don't_. I felt the same way. If you stopped me because you didn't want to go further, I understand, but if it was because you think that I've lost my mind or I'm risking my career or something like that, then, you shouldn't, because I definitely didn't want to stop."

Her honesty bewildered him. "I didn't want to stop either," he finally admitted.

"Then don't."

He stretched out his hand and softly caressed her face. Then he got closer and they kissed. In the following minutes they kissed several times, slowly, leisurely, trying to get to know the secrets that each other had kept for the last ten years. Then Sam unhurriedly pushed Daniel's jacket off until it fell to the floor so that she could enjoy the proximity of his body. She lowered her hands, got them under his shirt, and then started pulling it up slowly. Daniel interrupted their kiss and looked at her, asking silently if she would go one step further. She tugged at the shirt once more and he understood. He took it off and then helped Sam with hers. Seconds later he took care of her bra and then they simply held each other in a tight embrace.

It was overwhelming. So many years working with each other, sitting side by side in their labs, risking their lives, fighting, even dying together, and nothing had felt as intense as this simple contact of skin against skin.


	2. Chapter 2

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 2**

The night was long, but in many ways it felt not long enough. They spent incredible moments where their only endeavor was to get to know each other's bodies centimeter by centimeter. More time was dedicated to probe, catalog, and practice what to do, where and how to give more pleasure to the other. They knew so many intimate details about their lives, but they were almost completely ignorant about what the other wanted or liked when making love. And love was exactly what they were making. Every touch, every stroke, every movement showed them how their bodies molded perfectly to each other and how their souls connected without even saying a word.

Now and then they spent a few minutes resting, regaining strength, but soon they were back at holding, kissing, caressing, trying to engrave every second in their memories.

Sam was aware that if Daniel was right about his interpretation of the mural symbol –and, more often than not, he was– it meant that his life was in grave danger and that there was a strong chance that she would never see him again. The idea maddened her, especially because she was finally starting to admit that this was the man she needed for the rest of her life, the man she wanted, the man who could truly make her happy. After all, except for this new sexual aspect of their relationship, they already lead the life of a married couple. They spent most of their leisurely time in each other's company; they were confidants; they were their own autonomous support system.

Now they had added the last connection possible between them. And the sex was awesome, with the emphasis in _awe_, because she had never imagined it would be like that. She had had her fare share of dominant, even rough, lovers. This _I-will-not-really-forgo-being-dominant, but-I'm-willing-to-do-whatever-is-necessary-to-make-you-satisfied_ attitude that Daniel was displaying had her shocked. She was certain that every one of his movements had been thought out beforehand in order to produce a better effect and that he was adapting as he went to make it all perfect for her.

Near dawn, he was lying on his back, slowly regaining his normal breathing rhythm, when a little laugh escaped from Sam, lying against his side.

"What?" he asked looking at her under the brilliant fluorescent light of the base private quarters.

She looked at him with playful eyes and asked, "Do you mind if I turn off the lights now? I know we left them on on purpose and," she rose slightly above his chest, "and I've been thoroughly enjoying the view, but, now that we're resting, it makes me feel very self-conscious." She laughed nervously again and Daniel smiled at her.

He got up carefully untangling himself from her and walked toward the light switch.

"Wait!" Sam said without raising her voice. She was half way sitting on the bed, looking at him.

"What now?" he asked with a tiny smile.

"That's okay; you can turn them off."

He did and she threw herself back onto the bed.

When he got back into it, she whispered, "The landscape was too beautiful. I just wanted one more look before darkness."

He sighed good-humouredly and hugged her. "This is a side of you, Samantha Carter, that I hadn't imagined," he whispered in her ear.

"Well, there are lots of things about you that I hadn't imagined, Dr. Jackson," she said as playfully as him. She kissed him and they went back to lying in each other's arms. They were too exhausted for anything else.

She quietly laughed again.

"Now what? Do you want me to go turn on the lights again? It should be you, to allow me to check out the landscape, too."

"No," she answered as she slowly caressed his chest with her left hand. "There are advantages to the dark. A special awareness of all the tactile details," she added and sighed pleasurably as she kept moving her hand on him.

"So, why the laugh?" he asked again.

She carefully rose over him and said, "It's just kind of weird; don't you think? Lying here naked against each other… I never thought I'd touch you… this way."

"Never?"

Sam put her head back down on his chest and answered, "Well, not exactly _never_, _never_," she smiled. "Every time the idea came to my head, I chased it away quickly with an _ugh_ kind of feeling." She waited silently to see what his reaction would be.

"I see," he said with mocked seriousness. "Every time? How many times are we talking about?"

"How many times the idea came to my head or how many I chased it away?"

"You said you chased it _every_ time, so…"

"All right, let me see… At the beginning- no, no, that doesn't count. Well, after that mission- wait, no, that- no, I can't tell you about that… What about if I plead the Fifth on how many? It looks like it was _way_ too many to really-"

"But you always dismissed the idea, right?"

"Sure. Well, mostly, you know, sometimes-"

"And it always made you think _ugh _or something like that, right?"

She hesitated for a second. "Not exactly _always_, _always_. Sometimes I wondered-"

"And now? Do you think it was a mistake?"

There was a new seriousness to his voice that sobered her up very quickly and she stopped the game. "I wouldn't change a second of what happened here tonight." She gently climbed on top of him and laid her head on his shoulder as she spoke. "I wish we could stay like this for the rest of our lives."


	3. Chapter 3

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 3**

He tenderly caressed her back and sighed. "I want to tell you something, Sam, but I don't want you to tell me anything now. I'd like you to think about what I'll say while I'm gone and, if I come back from this mission, I'd like to hear your answer. This isn't something I'll say lightly, but I'm afraid that it's somewhat irresponsible for me to do this at this time. I do have doubts about my fate on this trip, but after what happened between us, I'd never forgive myself if I died without saying this."

Sam felt alarmed and all her fears came rushing back, but she understood Daniel too well to say anything to change his mind. She softly said, "Okay," and she waited for his words.

"All right. First, Sam, no matter why you did this or how it happened, this is not a one-night stand for me. I don't do that –unless" he smiled, "drugged or dazed by aliens– and I'd never dare to do that to you. This was very meaningful to me and I didn't go along with it just because my body was asking for it. I did it because I truly thought that it would be as it was. I've always thought that it couldn't be any other way between us if we ever got to this point."

Sam was stunned by the fact that he had given careful consideration to the possibility of having a relationship of this kind with her. She had been completely impulsive the night before and the thought of going further with it had not even crossed her mind before.

"I won't pretend that I'm in a position to ask you to marry me," he continued, and Sam had to make an effort not to choke at that, "but I'd really like the chance to explore this further… when I come back. If you think that it won't work, I'll understand, but, in any case, I don't want you to tell me now. Just think about it. See how you feel about this in another week. Check if you want to repeat this night or more," he chuckled. "I wouldn't mind repeating some right now."

The change of tone from completely serious to playful surprised Sam. However it seemed the only way to change the conversation fast enough to keep her from answering the main question. She understood and she thanked him silently for giving her the chance to think. "I wouldn't either," she said and she kissed him, ending the conversation and taking the last chance of making love with him before he had to get up and leave.

The rest of the morning seemed normal for Sam. Right before the rest of SG-1 left for the Planet Astrada in search of the weapon, she walked to Daniel's office. As usual, he was still getting ready. He had his helmet on and he was fighting with something that would not fit in his backpack.

"Hey," she said as she entered.

He stopped trying to put the object in the pack and looked at her. He smiled and answered, "Hey; how are you doing?"

"Great!" She said cheerfully. "Are you ready?"

"Almost."

Right then Cameron walked by on his way to the gateroom. "Ready, Jackson? Sam," he acknowledged her.

"Hi, Cam. Good luck on the mission. I wish I could go with you," she said.

"Ready," Daniel said as he hung his pack on his back.

"See you at the gate," Cam answered and started walking again.

Daniel approached Sam to go through the door. "See you when I come back," he said and then walked towards the door. A second later he turned around and took her face in his hand. "Damn it, Sam, I love you. I have to tell you in case I don't come back. Do you hear me? I love you." He kissed her briefly and he left running towards the gateroom. By the time she came out of her shock and ran after him, she only got to see him crossing through the shimmering surface of the open gate.

**…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...**

After one full week in charge of Atlantis, Sam felt somewhat overwhelmed. It was something new, very different from what she was used to doing. Her biggest problem was that she missed her team. All these people were Weir's people and she felt like an outsider. They were all very kind to her, but she could not get rid of the feeling.

From time to time she allowed herself to think about Daniel. She was quite sure that she would answer his question in the affirmative. She _did_ want to try a relationship with him. Marriage was an idea too farfetched at the moment, but she was willing to try the relationship first.

From what she had heard from the S.G.C., SG-1's mission was going well. They had almost reached the point were the weapon was supposed to be and they had not had any negative incidents. She prayed it stayed that way.

On Astrada, Vala was helping Teal'c start a fire. Cameron was securing the artifact that Daniel had unquestionably identified as the weapon they were looking for on the planet. Daniel was in charge of the first shift guarding the camp. Nothing had happened until then that made them feel they were in danger, but Cameron did not want to risk it, especially now that they had achieved their objective.

When dinner was finished, Vala went in search of Daniel to relieve him from his post so that he, too, could eat something. She was not happy when she did not find him where he was supposed to be, but she thought he could have wondered a bit, checking on the edges of the camp. After a ten minute search, she ran back to the others to ask for their help. They spent the whole night searching for Daniel and by morning they still had not found him. There were no traces of him or of anything gone wrong. He had simply vanished.

They decided to walk back toward the gate and ask for help from the base. Once they had delivered the weapon, they could come back with more teams and find Daniel.


	4. Chapter 4

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 4**

Five days later, near sunset, when they still had more than a day of walking to reach the gate, they found a strange source of light in the middle of the forest. The light became brighter, until they had to move away from it to avoid getting their eyes hurt by its intensity. Suddenly the light faded and right behind where it had shone they saw a group of strange people. There were about twenty men and women, definitely human, but they just did not look right. Vala thought the difference was in their eyes. They seemed cold and unfeeling.

Cameron introduced his group as Daniel usually did. An old woman, tall and thin, approached them.

"We know who you are and we know why you're here," she said. "You wanted our weapon and now you have it," she finished.

"Your weapon? You mean this is yours?" Cam asked, feeling that there was no point in denying what they so clearly knew.

"Yes, but we won't oppose you leaving with it. It's clear that you want it to defend your world and not to dominate others."

"It is?" Cameron asked without thinking and then he tried to fix it. "Of course we just want to defend our planet. There are pretty ugly guys out there trying to annihilate us."

"As I said, we believe you and, besides, you have already paid its price."

"We have?" Cameron asked and once again he wished Daniel were there to keep him from putting his foot in his mouth.

"Yes," the woman said emphatically and raised her hand to point at something above her. There, hanging by his feet from a very high branch of a tree, was Daniel.

Cameron gasped and Vala run towards him, but she was stopped by some of the men in the group.

"We don't give our people as payment," Cam said dryly.

The woman did not seem to care. She did not move or say a word.

"Hey, listen. This is a mistake. We can negotiate with you for the weapon, but Jackson is out of the question," he said with anger building up.

He was trying to see in what state Daniel was, but he was so far up that there was no way to know for sure. In any case, he seemed to be unconscious; at least, Cam prayed he was.

The conversation did not last much longer. No matter what Cameron and Vala said, the strangers remained adamant that they did not want the weapon back, just to take Daniel with them. Finally, the woman put an end to the discussion –and to all the plans Teal'c was thinking of to liberate Daniel– when she moved her hand in a rapid gesture that brought the intense light back to life.

When it finally subsided, a few seconds later, the whole group of people was gone and, with them, Daniel.

Vala sat on the tall grass, feeling helpless.

Cam hit the tree at the center of the site with fury and soon regretted it.

Teal'c quietly examined the area in search of clues.

"What are we going to do?" Vala finally asked.

"There's nothing we can do here. We need to go back to the gate and get reinforcements. This is too wide a search area and we can't cover it on our own," Cam answered.

"Indeed," Teal'c agreed.

They picked up their gear and then the weapon. Its price had suddenly become to steep to risk leaving it behind.

After five hours of walking, the darkness of the night was complete. It was not only far darker than all the previous nights −none of the two moons of the planet was visible anymore− but the temperature was dropping extremely fast.

Teal'c was walking steadfastly, holding his flashlight with determination. He wanted to get to the gate fast. He wanted to come back to look for Daniel.

Vala followed closely, quiet and sad, and Cam closed their formation, guarding their backs.

They had just crossed a small stream, when Vala suddenly asked them to stop.

"Did you hear it?" She asked excitedly. "It's Daniel! Did you hear it? He was asking us to help him. He must be close."

Teal'c and Cameron looked at each other in the semi-darkness. They had not heard anything. They used their flashlights to look around. Then, they stood in complete silence, trying to hear something else beyond the soft movement of the tree leaves in the wind.

"There! There!" Vala said and started running to her right.

Her teammates followed her, still unable to hear anything.

Vala kept running in the darkness and Cam started to get really worried. "Wait!" He asked. "Wait a minute there!"

Vala seemed not to hear him. She kept running toward a small tree formation.

"Vala, stop!" Cam tried one more time, but it was too late.

A few seconds later they heard her shout in pain.

Teal'c approached and directed his light to the place where he had last seen her. There was a dark hole in the ground. He knelt by its side and looked inside. It was a pit, not too deep, but deep enough that it would make it impossible for her to get out on her own. Besides, she seemed to be unconscious. They would need to get her out.

Cam got some rope out of his pack and Teal'c lowered him into the pit. A few minutes later, he had her secured in an improvised harness so that Teal'c could pull her up.

Once she was on the surface, Teal'c threw the rope back to Cameron and laid Vala on the grass to check her for injuries.

Just as Cam was about to give his final push to get out, he felt someone touching his shoulder and he clearly heard Daniel, painfully begging for help.

Cam lost foot and fell into the pit with a weird sound of broken bone.

"Ah, goodness! That's all I needed. Augh… I think I broke my arm, Teal'c. I'll need help here."

After a few more minutes, Teal'c had him out, too. He bandaged the broken arm and he gave him some analgesics for the pain.

"ValaMalDoran seems not to have any visible injuries. Dr. Lam would need to check for the reason of her loss of consciousness, but I believe she has a mild concussion."

"I agree, Teal'c." Cam moved some of her hair away from her face and she started regaining consciousness.

"What happened? Where's Daniel? Did you find him?" she asked as soon as she sat up.

"No, we didn't," Cam said somberly, "but I heard him, too."

Teal'c looked at him with surprise.

"I even thought he had touched me on the shoulder. That was weird."

"Do you believe there is any reason for both of you to be hallucinating? Jaffas have a far more developed sense of hearing than humans and I have not heard anything."

"I know. I think we have to get out of here as soon as possible and get help. This isn't going to be easy."

As they walked back to the stargate, Teal'c felt in more than one occasion the presence of Daniel close to him, but because of the logical impossibility that he could be following them so closely, he dismissed it as his imagination and kept it to himself. Nevertheless, it worried him that all three of them had felt Daniel in some way. There was something there that they would have to figure out.


	5. Chapter 5

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 5**

Sam was having lunch in the Atlantis cafeteria when the news came in. She felt completely helpless, unable to participate in the search parties General Landry had ordered. She impatiently awaited the results of every search, only to renew her frustration at the lack of results.

She was not willing to accept that Daniel was not coming back. She had hopes of starting a new life with him and she refused to believe that they would die so soon after being born.

A whole week went by without any positive results. However, the number of members of the search party who admitted having heard or felt Daniel in some way grew daily. Sam clung to those reports as her only hope.

By the end of the week the search was called off. There were no traces of Daniel −or of the people who had taken him− anywhere. Landry did not see any reason to keep spending resources on a useless search and he was also concerned about the amount of accidents and injuries suffered by members of the expedition, all related to episodes involving Daniel's voice or imagined presence.

Sam disagreed. She believed that few people deserved an extraordinary effort more than Daniel. She was tired of the "_we wouldn't do it any different for anyone else_." Daniel _was_ different. He had proven his value more times than necessary and here they were, again, taking his death as an acceptable loss, as a reasonable price to pay for the weapon they had found.

Sam got in touch with Jack and tried to push him into ordering more searches. Jack denied having given up, but explained all the bureaucratic obstacles that were stopping him from searching much longer. Sam was stunned. She remembered the day after Daniel's first ascension, when she had gone looking for comfort and had only gotten a cold "_What do you want me to do? He's gone. We've got work to do._" She knew how important Daniel was for Jack, so she could only imagine that that was Jack's way of coping with yet another loss in his life.

Nonetheless, Jack got Landry to extend the search for one more week. Sam spent most of that time sitting in the darkness in her Atlantis' quarters. She did not cry, because crying would mean recognizing that Daniel was gone. She just felt unable to engage in meaningless talk with other people, so she only got out to fulfill her duties and she avoided any unnecessary social interaction.

Sometimes she felt furious; furious at Daniel for probably dying one more time; furious at herself for putting him right there in the path of her curse. It had to be a curse. All the men who had been close to her in the last ten years were dead or MIA. Jonas Hansen, Narim, Martouf, even Joe Faxon… or Orlin, who would never be himself again. Jack O'Neill was alive, but he had been smart enough to keep their _connection_ at a fairly distant level.

Other times she just felt mad that she had put herself in a more vulnerable position. If only she had not kissed Daniel that last night, if only she had left him to sleep alone and never discovered what they could have had together… Would her pain be any less? No. There was no way to diminish that kind of pain; it had been as bad since the times of Nem and trying to blame one of the best memories of her life for it was unfair. At least, now she could draw comfort from every second of the night they had spent together.

 With every day that passed, Sam found it harder to sleep. She felt that it was wrong to lie there, resting in her bed, while Daniel was lost. One night, she got up and looked in one of her dresser drawers for a small paper she had kept there. It was the representation of the Astradan symbol Daniel had made while explaining its meaning to her.

She walked back to her bed and sat down on the edge with the paper in her hand. There was something in it that gave her strange comfort. There were paths that led to _reward_ and stopped there; the story not always ended in _death_. The problem was that all the possible outcomes had to go through _torture _and_ pain_, which meant that if Daniel was still out there, he was suffering. But he _could_ be out there…

The next morning she decided to confide in someone. She needed to talk about what she was going through or she would go mad. She walked to the Infirmary and sat down to talk with Jennifer Keller. She did not know exactly why she had chosen the young doctor, but she opened up to her almost as much as she used to do with Janet Fraiser.

Jennifer felt so comfortable with Sam that she dared talk about her mixed feelings over Atlantis and her position there. She also talked about how isolated and lonely she felt.

Sam knew she had found a new friend.

 After their long talk, they both felt much better and they promised to help each other in any way they could.

Meanwhile, in Astrada, the search party was about to pack up and go home. The afternoon before the scheduled end of the search, they finally got results, but the complete opposite of what Sam had been hoping for. A unit combing an area north of where they had seen Daniel for the last time found many of the pieces of the equipment he had taken for the mission. Books, notebooks, even food rations were spread along a narrow path. However, it was what they found _on_ his stuff that bothered them the most: blood. Almost every item had been stained by blood and the dry trail of the vital liquid followed irregularly the length of the path.

The samples that were sent to the laboratory confirmed what they had already guessed; it was positively Daniel's blood.

For two days Cam, Teal'c, and Vala followed the trail. They felt it was strange that all those discoveries had happened right when they were about to abandon the search. Cam felt that someone was trying to make them desist from coming back to search again.

As they walked along the path, sometimes they found long stretches of road without any blood, as if Daniel had finally been able to stop the hemorrhage, but sooner or later the dreadful stains came back to point the direction of his journey. On the second afternoon of their march, they reached a sandy beach that touched the edges of a peaceful lake. On the clammy sand that had not been disturbed by the high tide, they observed what seemed to be the insecure footprints of the injured Daniel. His jacket, torn in many places, his socks, and his boots lay near the water.

The footsteps seemed to walk into the water, but they never came back.

After an extensive search of the area revealed no more signs of Daniel, General Landry officially declared the rescue mission ended and Daniel dead. Nobody could come up with any reason to keep him from doing it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 6 **

Roughly six weeks after Daniel's disappearance, the S.G.C. held a memorial service in his honor. Sam used the Intergalactic Gate Bridge to return to Earth and be part of the ceremony. Jack, after complaining unendingly, accepted to give the eulogy. It was short and poignant, as only Jack could do it.

Sam, Teal'c, and Cam stoically received condolences for their fallen friend, while Vala cried as only a widow would.

After the service, Landry offered to take Jack, Sam, and SG-1 to dinner, but Sam politely refused to go. She only had a week before going back to Pegasus and she had plenty to do in that time. Besides, she did not feel like talking about Daniel with her friends. She had closer memories of him this time and she wanted to keep it all for herself.

The first thing Sam did after everyone else was gone was going to Daniel's quarters. She knew how to get in and she also knew that nobody would complain if they found her there.

The bed was made, but everything else seemed to be just the same as the last time she had been there. Daniel's papers were all over the table and the ominous Astradan symbol, encircled in red, looked somberly at her from the walls.

She lay down on the bed. She grabbed a pillow and hugged it, bringing it closer to her face. She wanted to feel anything that could bring Daniel back to her. Maybe the faint traces of his aftershave on the pillow… just as the soft scent of his leather diary had helped her many years ago, another time, when she had also thought he would not come home.

She felt a knot in her throat and had to sit up. No; she was not going to cry. And she was not going to touch anything else in the room. She could not move one thing out of place. All there was left of her night with Daniel were her memories. Nobody else knew about it; there was no document or record to prove it; but every object in that room had been a witness of their love. She wanted to preserve it all the same way. She wanted to be able to come back and feel him there with her.

She got up, locked the room and walked to Landry's office. She wrote him a note requesting that he assigned her Daniel's quarters as hers from now on. She did not say why, but she promised to take care of moving if he allowed her to do it. She was very clear about the fact that she wanted the room untouched. She would take care of it every time she was back from Atlantis.

Then, she went home. By the time she opened her front door, she had still not cried. She remembered how many times she had cried for Daniel before, but this time she was unable to do it.

She walked towards a small table standing close to the door, picked up the mail that had accumulated in a month, and started going through it. The lady she had left in charge of keeping her house in order had sorted the mail for her. Sam separated the pile with bills and discarded all the junk. She was surprised at how little there was left. It was true that she had arranged for most of her bills to be timely paid while she was gone, but, besides the rest of her bills, there was not much more.

First she looked at a letter sent by her sister in law asking her to buy some magazines for her niece's school fundraising. Oh, yeah, she was the perfect aunt for that. She had no kids of her own and she enjoyed participating in the lives of her brother's children in any way she could. She put it apart to remember to mail her selection before going back.

She looked at a couple more letters −nothing important− and then, almost at the end of the stack of letters, she found an envelope from the law offices of Martin & Gerbino. She had never dealt with them, so she felt curious about the contents. She opened it immediately and soon discovered that it was related to Daniel. He had designated her to take care of his estate after his death.

It was surprising, because all the previous times he had died –that sounded _so strange_– or disappeared, Jack had always been the one in charge of his stuff, but, now, Jack was in Washington and perhaps Daniel had thought it would be easier for her to take care of his things. What really surprised her was that he had not asked her before making it official.

She called the law firm and made an appointment for the next day. She had little time to deal with it, so she should better hurry.

First thing in the morning the following day, Sam went by the S.G.C. She asked to see General Landry to check on his decision over Daniel's quarters. Landry made some small talk, but soon granted her request without even asking one question. Sam was very thankful.

From Landry's office she walked straight to her old quarters and packed the few things she had left there before going to Atlantis. She took the box with her belongings and went back to Daniel's room. There, she found an empty corner in the closet and left her box. She felt much better. She locked the room and left to go see Daniel's attorneys.


	7. Chapter 7

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 7**

**A.N. Hi. I just wanted to warn you. This chapter has some facts that may offend some readers. If you do not like to talk about anatomy, sex, and anything related to them, steer away from this story. It is definitely not graphic, but this and the following sections will talk about such things. Please, do not complain if you keep reading and then you do not like what you read. ****On the other hand, if you are enjoying the story, be kind and let me know. Thanks.**

After the meeting with his lawyers, Sam drove back home worried about everything she would have to do before going back to work. Her first priority was Daniel's house. She would have to put it on the market; there was no way she could take care of two properties from another galaxy. Besides, Daniel had never been too fond of the house; he had chosen it just because it was close to Cheyenne Mountain.

She called a friend who owned a real state business and put him in charge of selling Daniel's house while she was gone. Then, she called a moving company and arranged for everything in the house to be carefully packed and put in a long term lease storage unit.

That same afternoon, she drove to Daniel's house and picked out the things that she knew he cared the most about: pictures, some books and pieces of art, some artifacts, and a few more things _she_ wanted, including a beige sweater that he had left on his bed. It simply reminded her too much of him.

She still had two more days to come and get other items she could need, before everything was taken away.

The last thing she decided to keep was his piano. She called the moving company and arranged for the piano to be taken to her house instead of the storage. Then she went home.

On the way to her house, she picked up some take out food to avoid having to cook for herself. While she was eating, she took out the papers the lawyers had given her. She wanted to make sure she did not miss anything.

First she separated the originals from the copies she had asked from the attorneys. She put away the originals and displayed the copies on the table. She wanted to be able to write on them and mark items out as she took care of them.

Daniel had not left anything in particular to anyone, just the bulk of the estate in Sam's hands. She would have to choose what to give their friends so that they could all keep something of him. She decided she would write some letters asking each one what objects they would enjoy having and then make her decisions according to the responses. She did not have to do it right now. She could take as long as she wanted.

Looking at the first page, she found a suggestion from Daniel. Though he had no legal rights over most of what was in his Cheyenne Mountain's office, he offered his opinion that the place could be turned into a library/group work room for the members of his department or anyone else who needed it.

Sam smiled. How many times had Daniel come back to find that his office had been re-assigned? He had then had the task to track and get it all back together, sometimes with many loses in the process… She guessed that he was probably thinking there was a chance he would come back one more time.

She decided to talk to Landry about it.

By the end of her meal, Sam had a plan for the rest of the week. She would have time to take care of all the major issues and she would deal with the rest later on. Some things could be even done from Atlantis.

After cleaning up the table, she grabbed an envelope that she had left for the end. The lawyers had explained that it contained instructions to find documents and other important items. It was carefully sealed and Sam thought that it might contain something related to their jobs that Daniel did not want hi attorneys to see.

She took the envelope upstairs and sat on her bed to read what was in it. Inside she found a folder with many items. The first was a detailed list with the location of every key, document, or password Sam could need.

Sam smiled one more time. It was so perfectly structured… she would really need the list to find anything in Daniel's crowded desk. No; she was unfair. It was an _organized mess_, as he called it, and he always knew where everything was.

After the list there was a smaller envelope. Sam opened it and found a letter from Daniel. She spent a moment looking at his beautiful handwriting. She felt like touching the letter, passing her fingers over the paper, trying to communicate with Daniel… She got tears in her eyes and quickly pushed them away. She was not crying.

The date on the letter clearly indicated that he had written it more than a year before, so there was no hope that he could say anything about what had happened between them. There had been no time for him to get to change anything before he d-… he disappeared.

Daniel started by apologizing for leaving such a burden on Sam. He basically explained that after so many _deaths_, he was worried about putting Jack through the same thing again. He thanked her in advance and he said he was sorry for not asking her beforehand. He just did not want her to add another worry to the many they had at the time.

Next, he said he had one more thing to ask from her.

_"I know this is a subject we don't usually talk much about, Sam, but, lately, I've been giving more and more thought to the idea of someday having a family. It's true that it won't be possible any time soon, but −who knows− maybe I'll get there. I guess that, if you're reading this right now, it means that I've missed my chance, but, still, in this line of work, we never know._

_I've also thought of all the dangers we face everyday and worried that, by the time I want to have my own children, I won't be able, for any reason. I know that after the_ incident_ with radiation poisoning, I got back without problems, but the next time could be different, or I may need radiation to treat something else, or I could be badly injured… You understand the general idea._

_In any case, last month I made a decision about it and took care of the problem. I'm over forty already and that's another disadvantage. I just want to keep the possibilities open._

_In the next pages in the folder you'll find a contract I signed to store some of my sperm. It's called _Sperm Banking**_. _**_Perhaps you've heard about it. The sperm is stored in liquid nitrogen until it's needed; then it's thawed and it's ready to use._

_I have a yearly storage agreement."_


	8. Chapter 8

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 8**

**A.N. Hi. I just wanted to warn you. This chapter has some facts that may offend some readers. If you do not like to talk about anatomy, sex, and anything related to them, steer away from this story. It is definitely not graphic, but this and the following sections will talk about such things. Please, do not complain if you keep reading and then you do not like what you read. ****On the other hand, if you are enjoying the story, be kind and let me know. Thanks.**

Sam stopped reading. She was stunned. The whole idea −having a family, raising children, storing sperm− was shocking to her. For years she had been avoiding thinking about her age, her chances at having children, the lack of a man in her life… She had not allowed herself to go there since the very same day when she had broken her engagement to Pete.

Daniel _had_ thought about it. He had planned for it. Perhaps he had even had _her_ in mind when he dreamt about a family. He _had_ said that he had given thought to the idea of something happening between them; he _had_ asked her to think about exploring it further… More importantly, he had admitted that _he loved her_.

Wow. The idea was overwhelming. She could not think about it right then. She decided to keep reading before analyzing her own feelings.

_"The contract is automatically renewed at the end of every year, unless one of the parties decides to terminate it. I'm asking you to keep the storage fee paid for me −in advance− for as long as you think there's a chance I might come back. If you already know I'm really dead and buried, then, you can disregard the whole thing._

_If you decide to keep it, I don't care what you use to pay for it. You have power over all my bank accounts and you can even sell the house −I never liked it too much− because this is more important for me. You will get a written notice prior to the renewal and then you'll have thirty days to pay. At this time, only I can order the sperm destroyed, but it will happen anyway if the dues are not paid in time._

_I haven't thought what would happen if you're not there to do it. I don't want to think about that. I can't._

_When I signed the contract, I had to choose who would be able to retrieve the specimens besides me. Because it was not intended to be for an _anonymous donation_ and because I don't have an _intimate partner_ at this time −those were the other two options− I had to select a _directed donor_. That means that the sperm can only be released by myself and by any third party I chose. This third party has full access to it, for its use, directed use, or even destruction._

_My dear Sam, you _are_ the third party I chose._

_I hope this doesn't offend you and I also hope that you understand that I know you'll never need _me_ to have a family. I've met many men who would gladly spend the rest of their lives with you if you gave them the chance. I didn't leave this to you because I thought you would use it −though you'd be welcome to it in the unlikely case that you wanted it− but because I needed someone I can trust with such a delicate thing and I couldn't find anyone better than you._

_That said, if you ever know of any reason why this sperm should be used to help someone, you're free to utilize it as you want. You know I'm not perfect, but, at least, I'm healthy, as all the tests the F.D.A. made me do at the time of storage can prove._

_I didn't include all this with the rest of the items in my will because the death of the client usually ends the agreement. Please, don't let them know. Just send the last form I attached −change of address− so that the letters come to you from now on."_

Sam stopped again. For a moment she had thought he would ask her to have his baby, but then she realized that at the time he wrote the letter he had no way of knowing what would be her situation when she opened it. What would have happened if she was already married to someone else or at least she had a boyfriend? No. He wanted the sperm for himself; he wanted to have the chance to have children. She was only the keeper of his treasure, of his hope.

In any case, Daniel had been declared dead, but he was not buried anywhere, and, as long as it continued that way, she would keep paying for his storage.

She finished reading the letter. Daniel thanked her again for taking care of his things and then he thanked her for everything she had meant in his life. Now that she knew that he loved her, his words sounded even more significant to her. If only she had said anything about her feelings to him… No, she had not. As always; as when he was dying of radiation poisoning and she had gather enough courage to talk to him _after_ he was drowning in pain killers to avoid feeling the pain of drowning in his own blood.

She could not avoid crying anymore.

She cried for a long time, holding onto her pillow, as she realized the immensity of her bed without Daniel. How could one night change so much? He had not been the first man in her life, nor had he ever been in that bed… How could she miss him so much?

By dinner time she started thinking about not going back to Atlantis, about going in search of Daniel. After all, they had not found his body and many people had seemed to hear or feel him somehow. She thought about calling her friends. Maybe Teal'c would go with her. Vala surely would…

She soon desisted. It was nothing but a dream and she needed to wake up. She had obligations, responsibilities. She had to go back to work.

She would not hide her pain anymore, though. Daniel deserved to be mourned.


	9. Chapter 9

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 9**

**A.N. Hi. I just wanted to warn you. This chapter has some facts that may offend some readers. If you do not like to talk about anatomy, sex, and anything related to them, steer away from this story. It is definitely not graphic, but this and the following sections will talk about such things. Please, do not complain if you keep reading and then you do not like what you read. ****On the other hand, if you are enjoying the story, be kind and let me know. Thanks.**

As she started to calm down, the idea of Daniel's sperm stored somewhere in a vial suddenly came back to her mind. He was really thinking about having children.

She tried to imagine a baby from Daniel. Danny-boy. Yeah… Jack would be his godfather. Teal'c would be the godfather of the second; maybe little Jacob…

All of a sudden she realized that she had put herself as the mother of Daniel's sons. She looked at her belly. No, no babies there anytime soon. There was no way. The night before he left she was still under the effects of the contraceptives she had to take to avoid further risks when she went out on a mission. The thought of getting pregnant had not even crossed her mind at that time.

Now she was not taking pills anymore, but, now, there was no more Daniel.

She sat up in bed.

Actually, there _was_ Daniel. A part of him, at least. The part that really mattered when thinking about having babies…

No. That was crazy.

She lay down again.

Even if she _wanted_ to do it, there was no time to get all the paperwork done and get the _specimens_, as Daniel had called them, sent to her before she left.

Perhaps they could send them overnight…

Wow. Was she actually thinking about doing it? She would need a doctor. Her doctor had been Lam for the last years. No; she did not want to talk to Lam about this. Maybe Jennifer… She already knew about Daniel.

Could the vials go through the bridge with her?

Oh, God. _She_ was crazy.

What would Daniel think if he suddenly came back and found her pregnant with his baby? That she had stolen his treasure? Well, she would not use all of it… and he _had_ offered… if she ever wanted it.

Did she really want it? That was what she had to think about first.

A child was a huge responsibility, especially when the mother lived in another galaxy, in a city always at war like Atlantis. But people do not stop having children in times of war… The problem was that if something happened to her, Daniel would not be there either to take care of the child. What would happen then? She did not want to condemn Daniel's baby to an orphan life like the one he had had to suffer.

She looked at the clock on the nightstand. It was not too late. She grabbed the phone and dialed.

"Hello," a male voice answered.

"Hey, Mark, it's Sam."

"Hi, Sammy. How are you doing?"

Sam thanked God that Selmak had promoted a reconciliation between Jacob and Mark, thus bringing her back closer to her brother. "Fine, I guess."

"Doesn't sound too good," Mark said with worry.

"Yeah… Not too good… Listen, I need to talk about something really serious, but I can't fly over there. I have to go back… abroad, very soon."

"And you can't tell me where or why, right?"

"Right."

"Don't worry. I learned not to ask with Dad. What do you want to talk about?"

"Is it a good time? I don't want to interrupt anything."

"This is a great time. I was just reading a book, here, in the studio. Linda and the kids are already in bed. School day and all…"

"Yeah… Well, okay. This is… I don't know how to start."

"Come on, Sammy; it can't be that bad."

"Oh, it's not bad. It's… big. You know I'm going to be forty soon. Lately," −_at least for a while today_, she thought− "I've thinking about-" She stopped. It was hard.

"Having a baby?" Mark guessed.

Sam was surprised. "Yeah… How did you know?"

"Midlife crisis." The silence at the other end of the line spoke to him. "I mean, Linda and I are there, too. We've been playing around with the idea of having another child before it's too late. We're already over forty."

"And?"

"We don't know yet. We'll see."

"Do you think I'm crazy?"

"No, Sam, no. Are you seeing someone?"

She thought for a second. "Yes."

"Is it serious?"

"It's never been this serious."

"Then…"

"He's missing," Sam said honestly.

"He works with you?"

"Yes."

"Ah… So, how are you thinking…?"

"I have his frozen sperm."

"Holly Hannah!"

"I know."

"Just in case?"

"Something like that. Do you think it would be irresponsible? What I mean is, these days I have a better position, a command, and I'm not in the same kind of danger I was before… but it's still dangerous."

"Well, first congratulations on the command. That's why they made you full colonel? _That _we knew."

"Yes, basically. Thanks."

"Then, the question is… _do you want his baby?_

A little sob escaped from Sam. She did not want to cry, but her eyes were suddenly filled with tears.

"You love him very much," Mark said without waiting for her answer.

"I didn't know-"

"Until you lost him. It happens… So, you _do_ want his baby. What's stopping you?"

"What if I disappear somewhere, too, Mark?" she said a little bit calmer. "What if I die? What would happen to the baby?"

"Sam, we would take care of your baby, no questions asked," Mark said firmly.

"What about Linda? A child is so much work."

"You know her, Sam. I don't need to ask. She'd do it gladly."

"I'd provide for everything. I can leave you everything I have."

"Dad and you already gave us enough to send our kids to college. We don't need anything else."

"But you'd have it anyway."

"Sam, stop worrying. If you love that man-"

"Daniel," Sam interrupted.

"Daniel?" Mark asked with curiosity.

"Yes, Daniel."

"Daniel Jackson?"

"Yes… How did you know?"

"I guessed. Dad wrote about him in one of his letters. You know that in the last years he wrote more often than ever before…"

Sam smiled.

"He really liked him. He thought that maybe-"

"Maybe what?"

"Well, it's no secret now if you're dating him. Dad thought that maybe Daniel had feelings for you, that he might have been in love with you. Dad really liked that idea."

"Seriously?"

"I can show you his letter the next time you come by the house." He paused. "I'm sorry that he's missing, Sam. I hope they find him."

"I hope so, too."

"Well, are you going to be a mother?"

Sam took a little while before answering. "I think so… Maybe. There's too much to do before it happens and, I told you, I don't have much time left here."

"I hope you can work it out. Parenthood is something everybody should have the blessing of experiencing."

"Thank you, Mark. You don't know how much this means to me."

"Don't worry about it. Just call me when you have the good news. Or send a smoke signal…"

A few minutes later they hung up. Sam was filled with hope. Now the problem was to make it work.


	10. Chapter 10

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 10**

****

**A.N. Hi. I just wanted to warn you. This chapter has some facts that may offend some readers. If you do not like to talk about anatomy, sex, and anything related to them, steer away from this story. It is definitely not graphic, but this section in particular deals with a lot of technical facts related to reproduction. Please, do not complain if you keep reading and then you do not like what you read. On the other hand, if you are enjoying the story, be kind and let me know. Thanks.**

She got up and turned on the light. Then she grabbed all the papers from the envelope and organized them on her bed. Besides the contract, there was a guide about sperm banking, sperm donors, and use of frozen sperm for intrauterine or intracervical insemination. She picked the guide and started reading. Intrauterine insemination seemed to be more successful than intracervical… She needed a count of more than a million −between twenty and thirty millions was better− washed sperm to have a chance of pregnancy… Washed? She went back and read something she had skipped. Ah. Sperm separated from semen and even motile-sperm separated from non-motile. It made sense.

How many sperm cells would there be in a cryovial? She searched the guide. A minimum of thirty million motile cells. Wow. That was great. Now, how many vials did Daniel store?

She went back to the contract. Twenty-four. He had twenty-four vials stored. She could take one and there would be plenty left…

She suddenly remembered something she had read earlier. The success rate for achieving a pregnancy was between six and twenty-six percent per insemination. That was too low. She would need more, to try more than once.

She started getting worried. She could not take many. If Daniel came back, there should be enough for him to use. Then, if he came back, there would be no need for the vials. Unless… he was not okay. No; she was not going to think of that. She had enough with this strange belief she had, considering him missing −and not dead like everybody else− and planning for his return.

She would take four vials and try. If it did not work, it was not meant to be.

Now she needed to look at the paperwork. She had to send the release forms. She looked for them. They would have to be sent overnight to be there on Wednesday. Then, she wanted the sperm rushed… They would do it, that same day, for an extra fee.

She decided she would call them in the morning to let them know the papers were on the way.

She started frantically filling forms and writing checks. Then she realized that perhaps they needed the checks to clear. She decided to use a card. She filled all the details and signed.

At the bottom of one form she saw a message about the return of the container, the dewar. She had seven days. Seven days? Okay, she would buy the thing; she needed it to transport the sperm to Atlantis. She searched for the price. Transport dewar… Oh… It was only good for transport. She could not storage the sperm there once she was in Atlantis. She was not sure when she would ovulate next, so she definitely needed to have a place for storage. She would need to buy a different dewar for that…

It was getting very complicated and it was already four in the morning.

She went to her kitchen downstairs and made some coffee.

How much did she want this? Was she rushing it? She thought for a while.

After her second cup of coffee, she decided she was just giving herself the chance. She did not know if it would work, but at least there was a possibility that it would.

She put the cup in the sink and went back to the paperwork. She wanted to have at least a couple of hours of sleep before she went to the mountain and told Landry that she was planning on getting pregnant. She needed to be wide awake for that.

**…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...**

Daniel woke up for the nth time feeling pain all over his body. He was definitely never going to be a soldier, but every morning he felt the need to mentally thank his former SG-1 teammates for every single combat lesson they had ever given him. He was quite sure that without them he would most certainly be dead by now.

He looked at his watch and gave thanks for one more tiny detail. A self-winding watch was something he had dreamed of while living on Abydos, after the battery of his watch died shortly before he started his second month of life on the planet. At least now he had the consolation of an accurate means to count time on Earth. The days on the planet where he had been taken did not match the length of Earth days, so his only way to track the time that had passed since his abduction was to check the date on the dial. Forty-five days. It seemed so much more. It felt like an entire life.

**…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...**

The first thing Sam did in the morning was to call the cryobank. As soon as she knew the offices were open in Washington, she called and talked to the Director. She explained that, as a member of the Air Force, she was due to travel abroad soon and she needed to take the specimens with her. The gentleman was not comfortable with the idea of selling her a dewar that was supposed to be returned to the bank, but ended up commiserating about Sam and agreeing to the deal. A few minutes after the conversation, Sam was on her way to mail all the forms.

Around ten in the morning, she was back in Cheyenne Mountain. She requested to see General Landry and he agreed. For a while they talked about the plans for Daniel's office. Sam was happy that he agreed to follow Daniel's suggestion to make it some kind of library and/or meeting room.

After they were done with that subject, Sam brought up her own problem. She explained that the death of her friend had made her realize how many things they were all leaving behind in the name of duty and that she had decided to take a chance and have a child.

Landry was surprised, but he did not show it. He listened attentively to Sam's plans to take donor's sperm −she did not mention _which _donor− through the bridge and get the doctors in Atlantis to inseminate her.

After a short paused, he said, "Sam…You don't mind if I call you Sam, right?"

"No, sir."

"Well, then, Sam. I appreciate the candor and I feel flattered that you'd trust me with these issues, but I'll tell you what I think. If you'd gone back to Atlantis and gotten yourself a boyfriend or a husband, or whatever you wanted, and you've gotten yourself pregnant, there would have been nothing I could have said about it. It's your right. You're a commanding officer and if you can have a whole city like Atlantis under your supervision, you may as well decide if it's all right for you to get pregnant. I understand perfectly what's driving you right now and some days I wish my own daughter would feel the same way."

"She's still young."

"She is, but sometimes I think she'll never get there."

"I'm sorry."

"Maybe her mother and I are somewhat at fault there, too, but that's not the point. I'd say you pack the container of biological specimens you need to deliver to Dr. Keller with all the other items you're taking back to Atlantis. I don't usually get a detailed description. Just an inventory list, like always. I'm sure you know how to do that."

"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir," Sam added.

"Nothing to thank, colonel, and I hope it works out."

"I hope so, too, sir."


	11. Chapter 11

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

****

**Chapter 11**

**A.N. Hi. I****f you are enjoying the story, be kind and let me know. Thanks.**

Sam left the office feeling very happy. She went straight to Daniel's office and started working on his things. People from Daniel's department would come in the following days and take care of transforming it, but she needed to collect all of Daniel's belongings first. That task changed her mood in seconds. Every object she touched brought a memory of Daniel and the pain grew by the minute. Around midday, she closed the door, sat at his desk, and cried.

When she finally calmed down, she went back to work, but everything seemed different. She walked around the round, putting objects on boxes, replacing books on the shelves, packaging delicate artifacts, and mostly concentrating on keeping herself breathing. She kept thinking that if she did not pay attention, she would stop breathing at all and she would join Daniel wherever he was.

**…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...**

Daniel ripped a piece of the cloth that served him as a shirt these days. Then, he carefully re-bandaged his arm. There was a gash that was still bleeding and a group of smaller injuries that he did not want to get infected. Soon, the old woman would return and apply her herbal remedies in all his wounds, but he had to survive until then.

By now, he had learned the pattern that all the events followed in this new world. First, there would be a battle where all the _warriors_ would face a new enemy every week. After the battle was finished, they would get some days inside a solitary cell to regain strength and recover from their injuries. Many would not survive this period. By the end of the week, the old lady would use her medicine to accelerate the healing so that the survivors would be ready for the next battle. Every three weeks, the _lucky _ones, those who did not die in battle or because of the wounds received, would be taken to a lab where all sorts of experiments would be performed.

Daniel knew that most of that time he would be unconscious. It had happened twice and he only had vague memories of the laboratory while he lay down in a slab and all kinds of wires were connected to his body. It had made him long for the I.C.U. of the S.G.C. Infirmary.

A new cycle was ending and, once again, he had survived the battle and his injuries. For a couple of minutes before combat began, he had thought about letting the enemy kill him and end it all right there, but as soon as the fighting had started, his survival instinct had kicked in. Now, he was in pain, but somehow that was not what affected him the most. He had learned how to manage that.

What really worried him was that he could not sense any of his friends anymore. For almost a month, every time he had focused his mind on one of the persons he had left behind in Astrada, he had been able to feel them in some way. He had even felt other members of the S.G.C. Now, he could not reach anyone.

He had thought that if he strengthened the link, he would be able to communicate with them, but, after weeks of nothing, he was losing hope. They probably were not looking for him anymore.

He lay down on the floor and tried to think of something positive. The first image that came to his mind was Sam, with her long hair tied in the back of her head and the new uniform she had tried on before going to Atlantis. At least she was all right. Or he would convince himself of that to keep on breathing.

**…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...**

The rest of the week was mostly the same for Sam −one constant effort to avoid the darkest depression− and the fact that his friends from SG-1 were out on a mission did not help. Until Friday morning, when the twelve kilogram box got to her door.

She carefully opened the top of the box and followed the procedure to check that she had been delivered the right materials. After she was satisfied that all the numbers were the right ones, she re-taped the lid. Later that afternoon, she received the storage unit. She was ready to go back to Atlantis. She had until Sunday to get all the other items she was taking for her people, but _she _was ready.

That night she dreamt of blonde little babies with blue eyes and glasses…


	12. Chapter 12

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

******Chapter 12 **

**A.N. Hi. I just wanted to remind you of the warning. This chapter has some facts that may offend some readers. If you do not like to talk about anatomy, sex, and anything related to them, steer away from this story. It is definitely not graphic, but this section in particular deals with a lot of technical facts related to reproduction. Please, do not complain if you keep reading and then you do not like what you read. On the other hand, if you are enjoying the story, be kind and let me know. Thanks**

Daniel sat against the wall. The smell of the medicine the old woman had put on his wounds was dizzying. At least the pain was diminishing. He only had one day before going back into battle. Who would he have to face now? Who would fight by his side?

He had never had any chances of making friends. There was no time during the battle −just the occasional last second alliance to escape death− and then he was thrown into solitary confinement again. As the days passed, he realized that few of the men who had started with him were still there. He had seen some die in the field; others were badly injured; others simply never came back. How long could _he_ last? When was he going to succumb to the darkness that seemed to want to swallow him every time he was left alone in the silence of his prison?

As the effect of the medicine started waning, the pain came back and grew stronger in minutes. Daniel did what he had been doing for the last weeks. He concentrated until he felt his body began separating from his mind −his soul?− and he felt no more pain. There was always a point when he could feel the distance between his physical half and the other one, as if the second hovered over the other. It was the same sensation he had felt for the first time as his body lay dying of radiation poisoning and his mind calmly debated his future with Oma Desala. He was amazed at how easy it had been to recreate those moments. Now he was starting to think that there was much more that he actually remembered from his ascension and that all those notions were keeping him alive. He probably would have time to prove it soon. He had no hope of being rescued at all.

**…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...**

Sam closed her eyes and tried to sleep. Right after the Luteinizing Hormone surge had signaled that her body was ready to ovulate, they had started getting ready. Nobody else besides Jennifer knew what they were about to do. Now, the procedure was over, Jennifer had left her alone in the room, and, though she did not have to, she was going to sleep in the Infirmary. Like the last time.

Six to twenty-six. Those were her odds.

She had debated for a long time what would be the best choices and, in spite of the potential for increasing her likelihood to conceive, she had opted for not inducing or stimulating her ovulation through fertility drugs. She knew the success rate of I.U.I. in women over thirty-eight was low −and it would be worse after forty− but she wanted to give her own body a chance. She also wanted to avoid the higher risk of a multiple pregnancy; she was not sure she was ready for more than one child.

She had learned everything she could about gonadotropins during her lonely nights in Atlantis; she had discussed it extensively with Jennifer; she had compared the results of every study she had been able to read, and, still, she felt she had to intrude the least possible in the process.

She had even refused to try choosing the sex of the baby. Many studies showed that there was a better chance to get a boy with the sex selection procedure but, although she secretly wanted a boy, _a Daniel_, she had decided to let nature choose for her.

Fortunately, she had a few advantages. She was healthy and she was in excellent shape. Additionally, Daniel's sperm had been purposely frozen for I.U.I. and it had a very high count.

The rest was out of her hands. Now she had to wait.

She turned in bed to lie sideways. She could not sleep. The last months had been very hard. Right after taking charge of Atlantis, she had had to deal with the strange sickness that Sheppard had brought. The nightmares had ended the life of Kate Heightmeyer, one of the few members of the colony she knew from before her arrival. A month later, Sam had lost −and recovered− her memory along with mostly everybody else in the city. Then, the Athosians had disappeared, McKay's sister had been kidnapped, and Daniel had died.

No; Daniel was lost. He was not dead.

That had not helped the holidays. She had kept a smiling face during all the celebrations because she wanted her people to enjoy the little they could celebrate so far from home and their families. However, another Christmas without Daniel, like the one in 2002, had been very hard to go through, especially after the first attempt with insemination had no positive results. By the second week of January, just a few days after being told that Teyla was pregnant, Sam had clear proof that she was not going to have Daniel's baby.

In any case, she was taking another chance and she would soon know if it had worked.

She took a deep breath and thought of Daniel. She tried to remember the sensations of the night they had spent together, as if he were there, trying to conceive their child with her. Among the many memories, there was a short dialogue that suddenly came to her mind.

_She was lying by his side, feeling his arm holding her close to him. She laid her hand on his chest as he slowly calmed his breathing. It was the first pause they had taken that night and she was amazed; she was in awe at what had just happened; she was in shock that it all had been with Daniel._

_A question came to her mind right then and she let it out without thinking about what consequences any response would bring. _

_"Did Vala and you ever…?" She could not finish._

_"No; never," he answered fast and confidently. _

_Then, there was a long pause; Daniel took a deep breath. _

_Sam felt he wanted to ask something himself, but he did not want to hurt or bother her in any way. _

_"We didn't either…" She said._

_Daniel took a second and then whispered a "What?"_

_"Jack… you know… We never did anything."_

_He did not answer. He just kissed her forehead, hugged her tightly, and stroked her hair softly._

She could almost feel his hand on her hair right now. She sighed comfortably and fell asleep.

**…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...**

Daniel sighed deeply. For a second he had felt as if Sam were there, by his side. He could almost feel her long hair under his fingers…

Ah… He had to stop dreaming. He could not communicate with anyone; much less feel Sam at such a distance. During the three months he had spent in that hell he had tried over and over to reach someone. After hours in the solitary darkness of his cell, there was always a moment when he was somehow convinced that it was possible. As soon as he woke up in the mornings, his mind reminded him that it was not.

Nevertheless, there was something that _was_ working. Two days ago he had gathered enough strength to help one of his wounds heal. It had been, too, one of those things that suddenly came to his mind in the dark.

About two weeks earlier he had become certain that if he aimed all his energy toward an injury, he could _direct _his body to heal it. The thought had come out of nowhere, one afternoon when he was practicing his mind-body separation to avoid the intensity of the pain. First, he had completely rejected the idea, but, later, out of sheer desperation, he had started to consider it. Since then he had been trying, until two days before, when under the scarce light that filtered in the morning through the small window of his cell, he had actually seen his skin close over the small wound on his leg. It was not much of an achievement, but it was _something_, and it also was proof that it could be done. Now he had to perfect it.


	13. Chapter 13

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

************

**Chapter 13 **

**A.N. Thank you to all the reviewers. When I saw them today, I felt like posting sooner. Thanks! Just remember the warnings about the story... **

The first week of February started badly for Sam. Telling John that his father had died brought back painful memories about the death of her own father and, inevitably, about Daniel. The uncertainty of _his_ death gave her some days of hope and others of agonizing depression. She desperately wanted him to be alive, but, at the same time, she feared the fate he would be suffering if he had not died.

Almost by the end of the week, Sam finally got good news. A clear surge of beta human chorionic gonadotropin −she knew every technical term by then− signaled the implantation of the egg in her uterus. That, single-handedly, ended her depression. She decided to keep it secret until she was sure it would work, but she found it difficult not to smile without a reason −at least not an evident one− and sighed with pleasure every time she thought about the baby growing inside of her.

It did not last long. Only a few days after the news, she agreed to accompany Rodney and Jennifer to a former Genii mining planet. She wanted to convince the villagers to let the Atlantis people move them to a better location, especially since their current situation worsened every day due to constant earthquakes and poor air quality.

It was supposed to simply be a diplomatic mission. Sam was confident that, with the help of Jennifer and with everything she had learned from Daniel over the years, she would achieve a positive result. Rodney would help her with all the scientific data they needed to show the villagers the need to move.

Unfortunately, on their way to the meeting, the roof of an abandoned Genii mining facility caved in and the three fell to the bottom of a large room.

"Don't move if you feel any shooting pains" Jennifer warned.

"I would _never_ move if _that_ was the case," Rodney answered.

Jennifer looked at Sam as she carefully sat up and immediately recognized the fear in her eyes. "The fall wasn't too harsh. I don't think it caused any damage," she told her.

"Well, it doesn't look like any of us are bleeding," Sam tried with a small smile.

Rodney, unaware of what was worrying Sam, added, "At least externally."

Jennifer groaned. "We'll be okay."

After a few minutes they had assessed their situation. They were inside part of the Genii mining complex.

It was clear that they could not reach the hole in the ceiling, so they tried opening the doors by the sides of the chamber. After not succeeding with the first one, they opened the second −red− door. Behind it, they only found a deep chasm. Feeling helpless, they decided to wait for their friends to rescue them, until a tremor alerted Sam to the possibility that the metal stilts holding the room could collapse due to the extra weight they had added.

The ceiling was their most feasible route of escape. Sam and Rodney stacked some crates that were in the room to try to climb to the surface.

"All right, look. If we're actually going to do this, I figure we need to stack these things, like, twenty feet high in order to climb out, so no matter _how_ we build it, it's going to be unstable," Rodney warned.

"Well, only one person has to climb it," Sam said and looked at Jennifer, the lightest of the three.

"Oh, no. I'm kind of awful with heights, so ..." Jennifer said as she looked at Rodney.

"So, Sam goes," he concluded calmly.

"What? You're not even going to _consider_ yourself?" Sam asked.

"It's heights! I'm probably worse than _she_ is!" he exclaimed.

Sam sighed. "Let's get started."

"No," Jennifer stopped her. "It's dangerous."

"It's dangerous staying here doing nothing, too, so…"

"No; you shouldn't do it."

"Why not?" Rodney asked with curiosity.

Jennifer looked at Sam, begging.

Sam gave up. "Because I'm pregnant and one fall is bad enough for the baby."

Rodney looked stunned. "You're pregnant? And you choose _now_ to tell me?"

"She wouldn't have told you if you weren't forcing her to climb this thing."

"All right. All right! I'll do it, but you'll better take good care of me if I fall."

They women smiled.

"And _congratulations_, by the way." Rodney climbed and started building on top of the first layer. Right after he reached the third layer, the structure collapsed. Fortunately, he was not hurt, but a new tremor reminded them of their need to get out of the chamber.

They looked around the room and found a grappling hook and some rope. Before they could try to escape with them, a group of children from the village looked at them from the surface. In spite of their pleads, the children refused to ask their parents for help, because they feared they would get in trouble if it was known that they were in an area where they were not supposed to be.

Soon after, a new tremor tilted the room and increased their worry.

Meanwhile, Rodney achieved nothing with the hook but a ruptured gas pipe. The sparks produced by a new failed attempt with the hook ignited the gas and threw Rodney onto the floor. Sam courageously approached the pipe and shut it down.

Sam's attempts with the hook succeeded getting it onto the surface, but trying to use the rope to climb only brought more dirt into the room.

Finding no other solution, they decided to try another plan, based on a bar trick Jennifer knew. They built a bridge of planks using pipes to hold it. When Sam was a few seconds away from reaching the edge of the hole, a tremor shook the structure and everything collapsed.

"Sam!" Jennifer yelled as she ran toward her.

Sam was lying on her back, groaning softly.

Rodney checked the area of the collapse to see if there was more danger.

Jennifer checked Sam. She soon had a diagnostic. "Your leg is broken," she told Sam. Then, she started working on the leg and Rodney helped her. While Sam rested, they searched for a couple of planks to make a splint and immobilize her leg.

Rodney came close to Jennifer and quietly asked, "Look, how bad is she?"

"Well, it's not so bad… She still has feeling in her foot, so there doesn't seem to be any nerve damage, but the break is pretty severe... and there may very well be internal bleeding."

"What about the baby?"

"I won't know until I get an ultrasound."

"Okay; worst case scenario, she's bleeding internally. How long has she got before she... before it becomes very serious?"

"An hour."

"Oh, boy."


	14. Chapter 14

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

******Chapter 14 **

They walked back to Sam with the planks.

"So, what? An hour before internal bleeding becomes a problem?" she wanted to know.

"How did you ...?" Rodney asked surprised.

"It's not my first rodeo, Rodney," she replied.

After Jennifer gave Sam some pain medicine, they went back to trying to find a way out. Rodney looked at Sam, hoping she would have an idea.

"Sorry. All my energy's focused on not screaming in agony."

"Wonderful! Okay… Well, the grappling hook didn't work because the hook wouldn't hold our weight in the soil; the crates didn't work because Sam was too heavy..."

Sam looked at him, stunned.

"Oh, well, we _all_ would've been… I mean, our weight in general... Nothing to do with you: you just… you're pregnant!" he said triumphantly.

Sam did not look very satisfied with the answer.

"And even so," he tried again, "you're in very good shape, seriously. I mean, you have like… uh… _the perfect body_."

This time it was Jennifer who glared at him.

Rodney looked at her and added, "Oh… Not that you _don't_. Oh, no, no-no. I realize that your bodies are different and…and…and, uh… uh, maybe that would mean that I think that your body is _im_perfect but that's not the case. No, no-no… Far, far, far from it." He paused. "That is a sweet... uh, which is to say, I mean… It would be impossible for me to choose which of you..."

"Rest assured, you're never going to have to," Sam said with a smile.

A few moments later, Rodney came up with the idea of making a cannon to send a rod −instead of the grappling hook− through the hole in the ceiling, but the attempt only brought more dirt into the room and made one of the supporting stilts break. The new inclination of the room took Jennifer by surprise and she fell to the abyss behind the red door, only holding onto the rope Rodney had attached to the rod.

While he was straining to pull her up, she saw light coming through a mineshaft and asked him to lower her a few feet to be able to swing over to it. Once there, she checked that it was an exit to the surface and then called the others.

In spite of the rope burns that he had gotten by holding Jennifer, Rodney made something like a harness or sling and lowered the injured Sam. Jennifer helped her into the mineshaft. Then, Rodney climbed down just in time to see their chamber fall into the abyss.

Once they were finally back in Atlantis, they were taken to the Infirmary.

"How's Sam?" Rodney asked Jennifer, as he was getting his hands bandaged.

"She's going to be okay. It's a clean break. Still, they're re-setting it and putting her into a cast, which means she's going to be on crutches for a few weeks or so, but…"

As soon as the nurse who was helping him walked away, he asked, "But what? Something happened to the baby?"

"No… The baby is still there. We can't really know too much more. It's too early in the pregnancy. But she's going to be fine."

Late in the afternoon, Rodney went by Sam's quarters.

"Hey," Sam said as she opened the door. "How are the hands doing?"

"Great. As I told Jennifer, they're the only part of my body that doesn't hurt."

"But we made it."

"Yeah… So, how are _you _doing?"

"I'm fine. Thanks… for everything."

"Oh, well, you know…"

"I know," she said inviting him to sit in her small living-room. "I know that you're a very different man than the one I met at the S.G.C."

"No… Well, maybe. All this working in a team and saving the world," he said.

"It changes you, eh? I know. My team changed me a lot."

"It did? I thought you were always like that… awesome."

"Thanks," she said with a smile. "But I'm serious. I had a great commander, an amazing warrior like Teal'c, and then there was Daniel."

"Jackson, eh? That's a pity. They never found him, right?"

"No," Sam said with sadness, trying not to cry. "But there's always hope, as long as we don't find him dead. You know that with Daniel we never know."

"Yeah… but chances are…" He noticed the pain in Sam's eyes and he changed the subject. "So, you're pregnant… Congratulations, really. Jennifer told me that it looks that everything is okay in spite of all the mess down there."

"Yeah, thanks."

"And the father?" he asked, unable to contain his usual curiosity. "You've been in Atlantis all this time, so…"

"He's not from Atlantis."

"He's not? You have an Athosian boyfriend, too, like Teyla?

Sam smiled. "No, he's from Earth."

"But, how?"

"I didn't think you'd be the first I told, but I owe you my life, so… But you have to promise to keep the secret."

"A secret?" he asked in his best whining voice. "I'm not good with secrets."

"Then, I can't tell you," Sam said, still smiling.

"Okay, okay, I'll keep the secret."

"All right… It was artificial insemination."

"Seriously? So you got pregnant on purpose? I thought it was a surprise or something."

"A surprise? No."

"And you got a donor from Earth? Someone you don't know? What if he's not a genius like you? You could jeopardize the I.Q. of your own children."

Sam had to refrain from laughing. "Oh, no, don't worry. His I.Q. is as good as yours or mine."

"Really? I didn't think there are too many- So, you _do _know who the donor is."

"Yes. I do."

"And?"

Sam sighed. "I'm serious, Rodney. You can't tell anyone."

"I know, I know."

"It's Daniel."

Rodney seemed stunned. "Daniel? So you two had- Hey, wait a minute. He's been dead, lost, something… for more than-"

"I told you, Rodney. It was artificial insemination."

"Ah, yeah, right. Still, I wouldn't have thought… But, you're right. I have to admit that he's a genius −different kind than you and me− but a genius anyway… and _do you know that he earns more than I do?_ Way more."

Sam smiled.

"So... a baby, eh? That's good, good." He changed his tone. "I hope you find him soon... Did he know?"

"Not exactly."

"Well, an idea he _must_ have had, because he left you the- I mean… Was he hurt or something?"

Sam smiled again. "No; he was fine. It was just in case something happened…"

"I see. Well, you let me know if you need anything."

"I will. Thank you, again."

They chatted for a little while longer and then Rodney left Sam so that she could rest.

She lay on the bed and thought about the baby. He was still there. She only hoped that he was all right.


	15. Chapter 15

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

******Chapter 15 **

**A.N. Hi. If you are enjoying the story, please, be kind and let me know. Thanks.**

Daniel closed his eyes and lay still on the floor. He had just been brought back from the laboratories; he knew it because he had very vague memories of the previous days and he could also see the cuts and prick marks on his body. He refused to dwell on what could have been done to him in that place; to keep his sanity he had to avoid thinking about it.

Slowly he started to relax. He was not in pain so he was not going to try to get into deep meditation. Sometimes he was afraid that, if he kept using that method to separate his mind from his suffering body, he would end up ascending. He wished he could remember how traveling worked when ascended. What would happen if he ascended in that place? Would he be trapped there? Orlin had been banished to the planet Velona by the Others, which meant there were ways to restrain movement. Was there a field that could prevent him from leaving this horrible place? How had he been able to go see Jack or Teal'c while he was ascended the first time? He knew that he had that knowledge in his mind, but he was not capable of accessing it. He was convinced that what he had remembered up until now was due to what he had learned while being probed by Replicator Carter and by the conditions in which he was held captive. Suffering horrible pain and alone, in the dark and in the deepest silence.

He sighed. Where were his friends? Where was Jack right now? We wished there was a chance that Jack would come to his rescue, like before, but by now he was almost certain that his friends would never find him. At least, not alive. Even if there was a miracle and they found where he was kept prisoner, it would not be Jack coming to save him. Probably Cameron and Teal'c; maybe Vala, too.

And Sam? How was she doing? How had Atlantis received her? Did she ever think of him?

He did not want to picture too much about what Sam was doing. To remember that he had lost her just when there was a chance, a possibility that she would love him, hurt him more than any physical injury. He did not want to imagine what could have happened, but now and then he allowed himself to revisit the only night they had spent together, making love. The only time when she had been only his, by her own initiative, without him telling her anything about what he felt for her. Well, not until it was all over.

Had it been wrong to tell her? Would that revelation have made his disappearance worse for her? He could clearly remember what she had told him in Vis Uban. Losing him had been one of the hardest things she had ever been through. Not as hard as it was losing her for him…

Sam… He closed his eyes and concentrated his thoughts on her. During the last weeks her presence had become stronger. Okay; maybe it was all a delusion, but he was sure that he could feel her, very far from him, but somewhere there where he could reach her.

At the beginning he had thought that it was just his desire to be close to her, but, slowly, he had started believing he could get to her. In any event, he _was_ achieving _other _extraordinary things, like healing his minor wounds or escaping from pain.

It usually took a while… Ah… There she was… He tightened his eyes and breathed deeply. It felt like he could almost touch her. She was probably sleeping. He could not see an image of her, but he could feel her serene heartbeat. She was all right.

That comforted him.

Suddenly, something else caught his attention. It had happened before, but only lately. It felt as if she was not alone. He was not sure what was taking him to that conclusion, but that was the sensation he had.

He had not felt that at the beginning. Maybe it meant that she was in love… or… No; he had no idea. However, if it really meant that she was no longer alone, it made him happy. She felt much more peaceful than before. There had been days when he had sensed she was in deep turmoil. That seemed to be over.

Good. Now he could allow himself to sleep.

**…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...**

Sam turned in bed. Tomorrow Teal'c would be there to help Ronon with his I.O.A. interview. It would be nice to see Teal'c again. She missed him. She wanted to talk to him about her baby. He would understand.

It amazed her how much the simple fact of being pregnant had changed her way of thinking. Now she understood many of Teal'c's feelings and reactions toward his son's actions, most of which had seemed completely illogical to her before. Just the idea of having a child had modified her outlook.

She smiled. Daniel had been as clueless as she was about it. He would be so happy if he knew he had a child somewhere in the universe. She wished she could just tell him. She remembered how much it had hurt him to let Shifu go. She imagined how much it had hurt him not to be the father of Sha're's son.

In the next days she would have an amniocentesis and she would know for certain if her baby was healthy and if he was a boy or a girl. She was convinced that it was a boy; she could almost feel it.

She started falling asleep. Then, she felt Daniel around her. She felt that very often lately. It was probably her imagination, but it made her very serene, at ease.

_Yes, Daniel, I am here and I love you very much._

If only he were really there; if only he could hear her, at least once.


	16. Chapter 16

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

******Chapter 16 **

**A.N. Hi. If you are enjoying the story, please, be kind and let me know. Thanks.**

The following morning, Sam stood in front of the gate waiting for Teal'c. As soon as she saw him walking through, she felt delighted. He was wearing his Jaffa robes, but his hair looked very different, extremely long.

Teal'c bowed his head slightly, then looked around, and finally walked toward her. Sam was smiling broadly.

"Teal'c," she said as they clasped hands.

"ColonelCarter."

"Welcome to Atlantis."

Teal'c bowed his head again. She looked thrilled.

"So this is Atlantis," Teal'c said as they started walking toward the second level. After they climbed the stairs, he looked through a window. "It's impressive."

"It is, isn't it?"

Teal'c lowered his head and seemed sad. Sam wondered what he was thinking about. "So, Teal'c, the hair?" she asked, trying to lighten the mood.

"You do not like it?"

"Oh, I love it! It's very ... Earth!" she exclaimed with a smile.

Teal'c smiled, too. Then, he looked around again. "This city is much larger than I expected."

"Oh, it's a remarkable feat of engineering. The Ancients really knew what they were doing."

"Indeed."

Sam smiled, delighted, but she noticed the sadness seemed to be back in his expression. "What is it, Teal'c? What's bothering you?"

He seemed surprised that she would have noticed. He took a second and Sam thought he was trying to decide whether to tell her or not. He looked at her and finally said, "My idea of Atlantis came only through DanielJackson's words, when he imagined it, before anyone got to travel here, and later, after he got the chance to visit the city. I believed he was exaggerating, fueled by his passion for ancient discoveries."

Sam had to smile. Oh, yes. Daniel was fascinated by Atlantis. "He didn't exaggerate, eh?"

"He did not."

They kept walking in silence for another while.

Suddenly Teal'c interrupted Sam's thoughts. "You look well, ColonelCarter. Command has been good to you."

"Thanks, Teal'c!" She replied. "It took some getting used to. Military protocol's pretty relaxed, but I like it here."

He stopped walking and looked straight at her. "There's something else that makes you happy. You look different." He seemed to scrutinize her. "Have you found a mate, Samantha?"

Sam let out a little laugh. She grabbed Teal'c by the arm and said, "Let's go to my office."

They walked a little longer until they reached her office and they went in; Sam closed the door behind them. She indicated a chair for him to sit, sat in front of him, and smiled again.

"It's a little bit more complicated, Teal'c."

He bowed his head to show her he was ready to listen.

Sam felt very nervous, as if she were about to tell her father. "Only the doctor and McKay know, but I'm pregnant, Teal'c," she finally said.

He stretched his arms and grasped her hands. "That is very good news, SamanthaCarter."

"I know; it's so great," she said with enthusiasm.

"I take it RodneyMcKay is the father of your child?" he asked a few seconds later.

Sam was surprised. "Oh… No, no. He's not. He knows just because we got into trouble and he saved my life and… No, it's not Rodney."

He did not ask anything else, but Sam felt he was waiting for her answer.

"It was artificial insemination, Teal'c, with a donor's sperm. I'm not with anyone," she added, "I just wanted to have a child of my own."

Teal'c nodded in understanding. "It is a joyous experience."

"I know. It's fantastic. I'm enjoying it so much… Now I have to tell the rest of the world. At the beginning of the second trimester I will tell the SGC and the people around here, too."

"Is DanielJackson the donor?" Teal'c asked all of a sudden.

Sam was dumbfounded. She took a second to compose herself. "Yes… How did you-?"

"DanielJackson discussed with me his intention to store sperm for future conception. Now that he is gone and you are in control of his state, it seemed a logical conclusion."

Sam tried to decide if Teal'c was thinking that it had been wrong for her to do what she had done. "Do you think he would have minded?" she tried.

"I believe he would be as thrilled as you are," he replied.

"Really?"

"He could not have found a better mother for his child."

"Thank you."

"His feelings for you were very strong, Samantha."

Sam was surprised again. She did not think Daniel had told anyone what he felt for her. She had thought that his declaration of love had been something that came out in the spur of the moment, something he had not analyzed before. "Did he talk about me with you?"

"Indeed."

Sam took a deep breath. "Do you know what happened the night before he disappeared?" she risked.

"I do."

Sam could not say a word. She looked at him, asking for help.

"The following morning DanielJackson debated whether to tell you about his feelings or to wait until he came back, _if _he came back. I thought it wise to tell you right then. If I understood it correctly, it was _you_ who initiated the events of that night."

Sam lowered her head and nodded. She felt overwhelmed. She knew Daniel and Teal'c were very close, but she did not know how much. This proved that Teal'c had taken the place Jack had left vacant after leaving for Washington. "Wow. He told me, he really told me." She sighed. "I'm glad you know, so that we can talk freely about it," she said, "but I'm not going to tell anyone else. I don't want to have to explain what Daniel wanted or what we did or why I decided to do this…"

"I understand. You can count on me to keep your secret."

"Do you think you could let General O'Neill know? Not the part about Daniel, just about the baby and the A.I." She paused. "I think he'll feel bad if he doesn't know before the others and it doesn't seem like something you'd talk on a communication from another galaxy."

"I will let him know as soon as I go back to Earth."

"Thank you." She smiled at him. "Maybe you should tell the rest of SG-1, too."

"I will."

She sighed, relieved. "You know, Teal'c, I wish I could tell Daniel how much he means to me. When he told me that morning, I was so… stunned; I didn't manage to say anything. There was no time, either. He was gone before I could even reach him. But he's been so important for me all these years; he changed me so much… You know… How he sees the world… and people. Even Vala changed and I think she did because of him, for him."

Teal'c nodded in agreement.

"I just hadn't had the guts to face it until then. The General, Daniel, you, and I… We've been _so close_ all these years… It was very confusing." She sighed one more time. "But, that night, Teal'c, that night I was scared to death to lose him again. I'd have done anything to keep him with me."

Teal'c remained quiet, letting her talk about her feelings.

"I wished he'd told me before how he felt. Maybe I would have seen my own feelings."

"He did not want to risk losing your friendship, Samantha. He was willing to settle for it if he could not have your love, as long as he could remain close to you."

Sam's eyes filled with tears. "You know, Teal'c, I can't accept that he's dead yet. Maybe I'll get there someday, but for now, I can't. Sometimes I feel like he's so close to me. I wish he'd have ascended at least and that he'd come to see me, like he did with the General and you. That way I could tell him…"

"I do not believe him dead either. He has proven his resilience many times before. I will wait for more concrete proof of his demise before I accept it as a fact."

Sam smiled. She felt so at ease with Teal'c. She wished he could stay there forever.


	17. Chapter 17

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

******Chapter 17 **

**A.N. Hi. If you are enjoying the story, please, be kind and let me know. Thanks.**

Other than her baby, Sam would not have many reasons to smile in the following weeks. Before she could even reach the end of the first trimester of her pregnancy, she had already dealt with the Hoffan plague, Teyla's search for Kanaan and her people, her subsequent kidnapping by Michael, and the clone of Carson Beckett being put in stasis. To be able to, at least, take one worry out of her mind, at the beginning of April she contacted the S.G.C. and revealed her pregnancy to General Landry. He acted surprised and congratulated her effusively. Though he already knew it was possibly going to happen, it made Sam happy that he made his approval official. Being a high ranking woman in the military was hard enough. Being pregnant while single did not make it easier.

In spite of her success with Landry, Sam did not tell the Atlantis personnel yet. Teyla was missing and everybody else was engaged in trying to find her and stopping Michael from dominating the galaxy. The following days would get harder as soon as John disappeared during a failed travel through the gate.

**…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...**

Daniel walked into the cell, sat against the wall, and cried. It was alright. Why not cry? All these months, he had tried to keep calm and deal with whatever happened to him in the coldest form possible. Letting his emotions dominate him would only get him killed in battle or crazy in his prison. But, today, the only _friend _he had managed to make during his stay in hell had just been killed with an arrow through his chest. It was too much.

Three weeks. Three weeks was all he had had for a _friendship_. He had to call it friendship; he _needed_ to call it that way.

He did not even know the name of the man who had understood his signals when Daniel had tried to ally with him in order to help each other survive. All their efforts had allowed them to get through three more battles, but they had not been enough this time, when they had been outnumbered and in worse tactical conditions. It was a miracle that Daniel was not dead, too.

He cried for a while, unable to stop. All the sadness, the pain, the depression caused by week after week of engaging in killing or being killed, had found an outlet.

When he started to calm down, he looked at the stick-calendar he had drawn on the wall. He had been careful to keep it current in case his watch got lost or damaged in battle. He usually checked the calendar in the wrist watch to be certain that he was keeping his wall accurate.

Six months had passed since he had been taken. Six months since he last saw his friends. Six months since he last saw Sam.

For a second he wished Sam was there with him and then he felt horrified. Anywhere but there. That was what really kept him going, the belief that Sam and the others were home, all right, far from his misery.

He closed his eyes and lay down on the floor. He had to concentrate and try to reach Sam. Those were the best moments of his life lately. Those few seconds when he really believed that he could connect with her in some way. It was not much of a connection, but it always left him with the sensation that he had sensed how she was feeling at that time.

He sighed. He was not going anywhere; he could not concentrate enough… but he needed her so desperately that night… He tried one more time, carefully, unhurriedly, patiently.

Finally, he felt as if his mind was leaving the cell, going toward her. He controlled his heartbeat. He kept a regular rhythm that would not disturb his concentration.

Suddenly, he felt the need to open his eyes. Right in front of him was Sam.

He concentrated in his heartbeat again. "_Do not disrupt"_ he was telling his body. He had to keep a steady beat or he would lose the image.

He looked around, almost afraid to take his eyes out of Sam for fear of losing her.

The room felt comfortably warm. It seemed to be Elizabeth's office in Atlantis, but it had changed somehow. Of course; it was Sam's office now. She was in _her_ office in Atlantis. And so he was.

How? How was he there? It did not matter. He had to enjoy the experience for as long as it lasted.

He looked at her. She was writing. Now and then she looked at the computer screen by her side and then she made notes on a paper pad. She seemed unaware of his presence.

Sam's hair was longer and she had it tied in a ponytail. She looked beautiful in her dark uniform.

He spent several minutes staring at her, trying to memorize every detail. He had looked at her so many times in the past and, yet, there were details that the time he had spent in captivity was erasing.

There was something clearly different in her. After a while he realized that the features of her face seemed softer, less pronounced. Had she gained weight? That was crazy. Sam always kept herself in perfect shape. Her hands and arms looked perfectly fine; he could not see much of the rest of her body behind the oversized desk. Maybe her chest…

He closed his eyes to keep some thoughts away and he opened then almost as fast for fear of leaving her. With relief he saw that she was still there, in front of him. He felt the need to extend his hand toward her, but she was too far for him to touch her and, in any case, she was probably not real. Goodness… He missed her so much. If only he was really with her…

All of a sudden, Sam lifted her head and turned to look straight at him. Her face immediately changed into a gesture of utmost surprise.

Daniel _knew_ that she could actually see him and he felt compelled to say her name.

As soon as the word came out of his mouth, the image disappeared, the connection was severed, and he felt the cold hard floor of the cell in his back.


	18. Chapter 18

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 18 **

**A.N. Hi. If you are enjoying the story, please, be kind and let me know. Thanks.**

Sam stood up. That was Daniel; she was sure. He had been there a second ago.

She walked toward the place where Daniel had stood and checked the space with her hand.

He had looked so real; it was hard to think he was not there anymore.

She went back to her desk and called Chuck. She asked him to open communications with Earth. She needed to talk to Teal'c, urgently.

The S.G.C. let her know that Teal'c was on a mission with SG-1, so she asked to talk to General O'Neill in Washington.

Walter Harriman seemed surprised, but arranged the communication without saying a word.

"Carter?" Jack's voice asked from the Milky Way.

"Yes, sir."

"Good to hear from you, Carter. What's going on? I hope you got my congratulations on the… event, right?"

"Yes, sir, I did, but this has nothing to do with that."

"Okay…" He replied feeling impatient.

"Sir, I just… I just saw Daniel, sir."

"What? You found him?"

"No, sir. He was here, right in front of me, standing in my office."

"Carter…" He said with clear skepticism.

"I'm serious, sir; he was here. He said my name… I looked up from my desk and there he was, looking at me."

"And?"

"And then he disappeared."

"Carter," he started.

"I'm not having hallucinations, sir. I saw him. He looked different. He had no glasses and he was wearing the sweater I gave him for Christmas like ten years ago, but it was him. It lasted so little…"

"A sweater?"

"Yes, it looked like the cream one I gave him, but that can't be right, because I have that sweater in my house in Colorado."

"Oy…"

"What?"

"Carter, that's what he was wearing when _I_ saw him."

"You saw him?"

"Not now… After Kelowna, when he ascended."

"Oh."

She sounded so discouraged that he had to say something. "Hey, Carter, maybe he's not… you know," he tried.

"Dead, sir? Well, maybe he's not dead, but if he's ascended, that can't be good. Something very bad must have happened. Perhaps he was trying to tell us… In any case, it means he's gone. I doubt the Ancients will kick him out this time, after what we did for them with the Ori."

"I don't know, Carter."

"But it makes sense, sir. That must be the reason why we haven't found out anything else about him, why we never really found his body, either." She paused. "Teal'c and you said that he came to see you when you were in trouble and things around here couldn't be going worse-"

"It will get better, Carter."

"I don't know, sir." She changed her tone. "Anyway, sir, I have to go back to work. I just wanted to talk about this with you. You know Daniel better than anyone and you just gave me the answer I needed. I'll let you know if it happens again."

Jack reluctantly hung up the phone. He had been thinking that Daniel was dead for a while now, though he did not really want to acknowledge it in front of anyone else. Now he was certain that, at least, he was not among the humans anymore. He had ascended, again.

Sam sat back in her chair. He was gone. That was what she had to understand. All those dreams of having him back one day had to go away. He was not coming back.

Perhaps that was why she had felt him somehow so many times in the last month. Maybe he came to her when she was missing him too much.

Chuck announcing an unscheduled offworld activation interrupted her thoughts. Sam ran towards the control room.

"Receiving an I.D.C." Chuck said as she was approaching him. Then he looked surprised. "It's Colonel Sheppard!" he added.

Sam ordered him to lower the shield and, as she ran toward the gateroom with Rodney, she called Security to meet her there.

When John finally crossed the event-horizon he was surprised to see the marines aiming their weapons at him. "Whoa!"

"John!" Sam said.

"Colonel," he replied before looking around and adding, "It worked! It worked. Rodney, you're a genius."

"Okay," Rodney agreed with doubt in his tone.

"John, what happened?" Sam asked.

"How much time has gone by?" John wanted to know.

"You've been missing for twelve days."

"Twelve days, twelve days… Okay, she won't have had her baby yet." He looked at Sam and tried to explain. "Look, I know this sounds kind of weird, but we're on the clock."

"John, what are you talking about?"

"I know where Teyla is."

After checking John thoroughly and finding proof of the solar flare that had caused his trip to the future, Sam agreed to let his team go searching for Teyla.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...

Daniel took a deep breath. It was lost; the connection was lost... but she had seen him. He had seen it in her face; she had seen him. Perhaps she even had heard him.

How? Was he really projecting himself somehow? What image did he send? He hoped she did not get to see his actual self. He had disheveled long hair; his body showed many scars and injuries not healed yet, and he was wearing a bizarre uniform. He really hoped she had not seen him like that.

He tried to remember and he recalled what Jack and Teal'c had said about his _appearances_ while he was ascended. He had created an _image_ of his body, a body he did not really have at that time. In fact, he had shown different images to them. Maybe now he had created an image, too, but, if he had, he had no idea of how.

If she had seen him as he really was, at least, he was clean. That was part of the ritual; before getting them locked in their cells, all the prisoners were allowed to bathe in the river close to the prison, probably to lower the risk of infection of their wounds after a battle.

He suddenly heard a loud noise. He had heard it before; it was what had interrupted his connection with Sam. He had heard it before that, too. Someone had died in the cell and they were coming to retrieve the body. He wondered for the umpteenth time how did the guards find out so soon when someone died. It took them only minutes to be there and take care of the problem. Were they monitoring him somehow? He only wished he knew at least that.


	19. Chapter 19

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

******Chapter 19 **

**A.N. Hi. ****In this section of the story, there will be no exact match with the timeline of the Atlantis' episodes, because in them _The Last Man_ took place at the beginning of March and _Search and Rescue_ –twelve days later- on July. So, this is going to be very different.**

A couple of days later, calm had returned to Atlantis. Sam went to the Infirmary to see Teyla and her baby. She found John lying in a bed close by and Ronon checking up on them. They chatted for a while and Sam took the opportunity to tell them about her own pregnancy. John and Ronon were extremely surprised, but Teyla mentioned she had noticed a couple of signs before Michael took her away. They shared details of their experience for a few minutes and then Sam left them to go back to Earth.

As she was walking towards the gateroom with her bags, Rodney stopped her. He was carrying a vase of flowers.

"Hey. What's with the bags?"

"What's with the flowers?"

"I'm going to see Teyla. Oh, you probably heard I delivered her baby?"

"I did! That must be awesome. Congratulations! That job always fell on Daniel in our team."

Rodney saw the sadness in her eyes as she mentioned Daniel. "You haven't heard anything from him? Maybe by the time your baby's born, he'll be back to do the same for you."

"It's looking harder and harder, Rodney, but thanks for the thought."

Rodney acknowledged with his head. "Good luck, anyway. I hope you find him soon." He paused. "Where are you going?'

"Back to Earth."

"What? Why?"

"They caught the last Ba'al clone. The Tok'ra are going to extract the symbiote. They want SG-1 to put in an appearance."

"Okay."

"Plus the I.O.A. wants to do an _exhaustive_ review of my first half-year in command, so, you know, that can't be good."

"Are you crazy? They probably want to give you a medal. You had a great half-year."

Sam thanked him with a smile.

"I know my opinion doesn't mean much to those folks, but I think you've done an excellent job. I'm glad you took the post."

"Thanks, Rodney. That means a lot."

They talked for a few more minutes and then Sam left. Soon she was on her way to Earth. Now that the Midway Station had been destroyed, she had to dial the Earth directly from Atlantis, in spite of the amount of energy required. The call from the S.G.C. asked for her with urgency.

As she came out of the gate and walked down the ramp of the Stargate Command, she saw Richard Woolsey waiting for her at the bottom.

"Colonel Carter!"

"Mr. Woolsey," she replied with surprise. "How are you?"

"Very well; thank you for asking."

Sam was still wary. "So, is this whole evaluation process going to take very long? I mean, there's a lot of work to be done on Atlantis and I'm kind of anxious to get back."

"I'm sure you are. However, the I.O.A. has decided that perhaps someone with a different skills-set would be more suited to lead the Atlantis expedition now."

Sam was stunned. "Excuse me?"

"I'm here to inform you that, effective immediately, you are being removed from command."

Sam was so shocked that she could not say a word. After a few seconds, she got to ask, "Does this have anything to do with my pregnancy?"

"No! Of course not. The circumstances on Atlantis have changed. A different kind of command is needed."

She was still shaken. "Um, who… who's replacing me?"

"As a matter of fact, _I_ am," Woolsey answered smugly. "I believe General Landry will take care of giving you the details, so I'll let you go on your way."

Before Sam could react, he was gone. She stood at the foot of the ramp for a few seconds, not sure of what to do.

"Colonel Carter!" Landry said as he walked hurriedly toward her. "I apologize for not being here to see you through the gate. I was on a call with Jack O'Neill. You know him-" He noticed Sam's expression and changed his tone. "Are you alright?" He took her bags from her and, with a gesture of his hand, invited her to walk with him towards the stairs to his office. "Maybe you need to sit for a while, or I can go with you to the Infirmary."

Sam walked with him. "No, I'm fine. I just talked to Mr. Woolsey and-"

"Ah, he must've given you the good news!"

"The _good_ news?" Sam asked with complete disbelief.

Landry immediately knew something was wrong. He stopped walking and asked, "What did he tell you?"

"He told me I've been relieved of my command because the I.O.A.-"

"He did not tell you of your next assignment?"

"Well, I know about Ba'al-"

"No, Sam," he said with a little smile. "Let's go to my office and I'll tell you what Mr. Woolsey failed to say."

Sam was surprised at the use of her first name, but everything was going wrong that day, so that could not be too important. "Okay."

Once they were in his office, Landry asked her to sit down. He called Walter and asked him to make sure her bags went to her quarters. Then he sat behind his desk and smiled.

"Here at the S.G.C. we believe that you have done an extraordinary job on Atlantis, especially under such difficult circumstances. We've been observing you very closely and we have decided that you're the perfect candidate."

"For what?'

"To replace me," Landry added with a smile.

Sam was astounded. She had not even dreamt of that possibility. "But, I'm not even a general yet," she finally managed to say. "How could I-"

"You will soon be. I'm going to be leaving for Washington, to work with Jack, in three months. By then, you'll have your promotion and you'll occupy this office." He smiled. "Jack was going to tell you himself, but Woolsey had to mess with everything."

"I- I don't know what to say, sir."

"You don't have to say anything, colonel. We all agree you deserve this position. Meanwhile, you'll have a lot to do."

"Yes, sir. Than you, sir." She paused. "What do you need me to do?"

"While we prepare for the transition in command, I'd like you to take care of helping us with a project. We want to add to what Emmett Bregman did to prepare for the day when the program will become public. We need you to collect as many personal accounts, pictures, or any other data that could be used to write a memory of this…" He made a clear gesture to explain the dimension of the program. "For a long while now, we've been thinking that we need something beyond what the reports will tell. We need the personal touch of the people who lived it."

"And you think I can help with that?"

"Yes, I'm sure you can. If he were here, we would ask Dr. Jackson to write such an account, but we would have still chosen you to work on it with him. We don't know who will take care of writing it now —that maybe be too far down the line still— but we want you to do the research. You know almost everybody around here and you're a legend to all these people. I'm sure they'll tell much more than they'd tell me."

Sam agreed and a few minutes later she was on her way to her quarters —Daniel's quarters—to rest for a while, before she would go back home and start a new period in her life.


	20. Chapter 20

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 20 **

**A.N. Hi. ****If you are enjoying the story, please, be kind and let me know. Thanks.**

For the next three months Sam divided her time between getting her new house ready for the arrival of the baby and getting herself ready for him and for her new responsibilities at the S.G.C.

Among those responsibilities was to start the collection of materials to write a book about the Stargate Program. It had not been decided _who _would actually write it and the possibility of making it all public was still very far in the future, but it was a very interesting task. At the beginning Sam had thought that adding up to Bregman's work was something Landry had come up with to keep her occupied until it was her time to take charge of the Command, but soon she realized her new mission would take most of her time at work and slowly invade much of her free time. The more information she collected, the more she understood how important it was to preserve everything that she received.

Sometimes it surprised her to know that newer members of the SG teams had learned exaggerated and embellished accounts of some of SG-1's most memorable missions. Many times it amused her that not everybody knew she was _that _"Sam", the Sam from SG-1. Other times it left her in awe that many thought that Carter and O'Neill were somehow romantically involved.

What never failed to move her was how everyone had something kind to say about Daniel. Vala was the most insistent in underscoring his compassionate nature and how —in spite of the snarkiness and the contempt that she always managed to get out of him— he always ended up showing how much he cared, even through the smallest of gestures.

It was not that anyone thought he was a saint or anything like it; it was just that they saw the effort he put into trying to find redeeming qualities in mostly everybody. Sam tried to decide if that trait of his personality had allowed him to endure his years in foster care and the constant succession of tragedies that plagued his life, or if he had developed such characteristic as a defense mechanism _because_ of his misfortune.

In any case, she only wished she could have the chance to see him at least one more time to tell him about the baby. As her pregnancy advanced she discovered every little joy that carrying a life inside of her ─not a Tok'ra or a Goa'uld fortunately─ brought and she wished she could get to share any of them with him.

Besides her job, what took most of her free time was the new house. Shortly after coming back from Atlantis, she had decided to search for a new house that would be more conducive to raising a child in it. She wanted a couple of extra rooms and a fenced yard in the back.

She had been looking for only a week, when she went to an estate sale in an old house. The pregnancy had given her an uncharacteristic ─for her─ urge for _nesting_, and she found herself often buying pillows, cozy blankets, comfortable rockers, and other objects she had never thought of as necessary in her house.

While walking around the old house, she got to the almost empty library, on the second floor, and, as she peeked inside the studio adjacent to it, she suddenly imagined that room as Daniel's own room. She could see all the books she had in storage nicely arranged around in the library, along with many of the artifacts and pieces of art he had collected, and she could see his desk in the spacious studio.

She walked into the room and discovered that there were too rooms connected to the library and a private bathroom.

"My father was a writer," a voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Excuse me?" Sam said as she turned to look at the woman talking to her.

"My father was a writer and this was his own little world. He would _hide_ in here for days when he had a big project on his mind." She paused and then stretched her hand toward Sam with a smile. "Hi, I'm Deb."

"Hi, I'm Sam. I'm sorry I got into this room. It just reminded me of a friend."

"It's okay. Don't worry. As soon as the estate sale is over, we'll put the house on the market. We all have our own places now and, regardless of how much we love this house, we can't keep it."

"You're selling it?"

"Yes. Are you interested?"

"Oh, well, yes, I'm looking for a new house," she unconsciously touched her belly, "but this is too big. How many rooms?"

"Besides these two attached to the library, there's a master and two more bedrooms on this floor, all with their own bathroom, and downstairs there's the office, the guest suite, the playroom, and the maid's quarters. Besides the den, the breakfast area, and the formal dining and living rooms."

"Wow, that's huge."

"That's mainly the reason why we have to sell it, but you should see something else before you say no."

Sam smiled at Deb's enthusiasm. "What?"

"There's like an enclosed garden between the playroom and the den, all surrounded with glass walls. That used to be my mother's favorite place of the house."

Without even seeing it, Sam could already imagine all the possibilities. "What about the yard? Is it fenced?"

"There's a hedge all around it, but if you need something else, I don't think it would be difficult to build. Besides, there's a covered deck in the back, where we all used to play as kids."

Sam smiled again. Shortly after, Deb took her for a tour of the house. When she went home, Sam took a look at her finances. She had saved mostly everything she had earned since she got into the Program. She did not even have time to spend the money. Besides, she had inherited part of her father's estate. And all of Daniel's.

When she had met him, Daniel did not have anything at all; not even clothes of his own. Over the years, he had saved as consistently as she had. He had also inherited from his grandfather Nick, after the government had finally declared him dead.

She looked at the statement of his accounts. She had been in such a rush before going to Atlantis, that she had not even peeked. Wow! He certainly earned more than Rodney… and everyone else she knew. Most of the S.G.C. personnel were paid according to their military rank. Scientists got paid according to their function and position in the program. Daniel had been the one to actually give birth to the program ─before him it had merely been a research into the unknown─ and then he had occupied numerous positions, besides being a permanent member of SG-1. He had been the Head of the Linguistics, the Historical Research, and the Archeological Departments, and he had trained mostly everybody who worked in them until then.

She could buy the house without much effort. She had to buy it. Even if Daniel never came back, she was going to build his world in that library. He wanted her son to grow up surrounded by the objects his father was passionate about and as many images and memories as she could get. His diaries would be the first thing she would place there.

Three weeks later, she had all of SG-1 helping her clean the house. By the end of the month, she had moved in and, slowly, she was starting to fix the baby's room and Daniel's library.


	21. Chapter 21

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 21 **

**A.N. Hi. ****If you are enjoying the story, please, be kind and let me know. Thanks.**

Around the end of June, the death of General George Hammond affected Sam very deeply. His sudden heart attack left everybody stunned, but Sam suffered the loss more personally. After the death of her own father, Hammond had become a second father for her. He had retired, but he was still actively working on Public Relations for the Air Force, probably preparing the country to be familiar with his face for the time when he would be one of the many faces of the Stargate Program.

After losing Jacob, Sam had secretly counted on him to be the one to give her away at her wedding someday in the future. Now, not only she had lost Hammond, but, more importantly, she had lost Daniel and the idea of ever marrying had almost completely vanished.

The general's death stirred up all her sad feelings and, the afternoon after the funeral, she returned home and lay down in bed crying. She felt awfully alone and the memories of her mother and father's deaths quickly came back to her memory. Without thinking, she initiated a review of all the tragic events of the recent years and the many losses she had suffered, especially of friends and colleagues of the program.

She tried to call her brother on the phone to hear some good news about his children or to simply feel she was not completely alone in the world. The answering machine did not help her much. She could not find Cassie, either, and SG-1 was out on a mission.

She hung up the phone and went back to her bed, where she kept crying inconsolably.

**…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...**

Daniel knew something was about to change. He could feel it the way the guards treated him, in the way the customs around the prison had started to relax. He was not going to stay there for long; he was certain.

His biggest concern was that, after all he had done to survive that madness, he would be probably executed without a word. He was preparing for that day. He had started to accept the idea of ascending again. He did not think he would _descend_ back to human after that, but he wanted a chance to talk to Sam, to let her know of his fate, to be sure that she was moving on with her life.

He lay down on the floor and concentrated on her. He had not done that for more than two months, since the experience in her Atlantis' office. He had no doubt that the whole thing had to have affected Sam and he did not want to hurt her in any way. This time he was going to be more careful. Besides, he had been feeling a strong need to connect with her. He had been feeling that she was not alright.

He deepened his concentration. After a long while, he was relaxed enough to really start projecting his mind towards her. Almost an hour after he had started, he knew he was with her.

He opened his eyes and he saw her. He was standing at the feet of her bed in a room he did not recognize. She was lying on the bed, holding onto her pillow and crying softly. And she was pregnant, very pregnant.

The surprise almost broke his concentration. He calmed himself.

She was crying; she needed help. This was not the time to wonder who was the father of her baby. He could think about that later. Now, he needed to do something for her.

He tried to approach her. He was amazed to realize that he was there not only with his mind, but also with his body. He looked at himself for a second. It was a different image than the one he saw every time that he looked at himself on the river. He was wearing jeans and his cream sweater.

He touched his own arm. It was real. He took a deep breath and walked one step towards Sam.

The movement caught Sam's attention and, for a second, she panicked. Then, she saw him.

"Daniel!"

He made a big effort and remained calm. He slowly walked towards her and softly sat on the edge of the bed. "Sam," he said with a smile.

Sam sat up and looked at him with fascination, unable to do anything, not even say a word.

"I probably won't be able to stay long," he tried.

"What happened to you?" Sam managed to ask.

"It doesn't matter, Sam. You're crying; what's going on?"

She took a second. She wanted so badly to touch him, but she was afraid he would disappear again. "General Hammond died this week. He had a heart attack."

"I'm sorry, Sam," he started saying.

"Can I touch you?" She interrupted him. "Are you real?"

He smiled. "Kind of. It looks like I have a body here. We can try, but, _first_, I want to know a couple of things. If I just go away when you touch me, I need to know before that."

She nodded.

"Are you alright? I mean, I know you are, physically, and I can see…" He stopped and looked at her belly. "Are you okay?"

"Now, I am," she replied softly.

"How far?" He dared ask.

"A little bit more than five months," she answered with a smile.

There was a mix of happiness and sadness in Daniel's reaction and Sam thought she knew why. "I… I did something, Daniel." She looked directly into his eyes.

"What?"

She stretched her hand toward him and waited to see if he would grab it.

Daniel hesitated. He did not want to go so soon. Then he decided it was worth a try. He carefully reached out and held Sam's hand.

They both stayed still, paralyzed by the overwhelming surge of sensations the touch had caused. Then, very slowly, Sam pulled his hand towards her belly and let him touch it.

"He's yours, Daniel," she said very softly,

Daniel looked stunned. "But I… How?" It took him only a few more seconds to understand. "Why, Sam?"

Sam worried that he was upset about her using his sperm. "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have done it without your permission, but-"

"No. That's not it, Sam," he said with concern. "You had every right to do it. I can't think of anyone I'd have chosen instead of you."

Sam smiled, relieved.

"I just thought that you had finally stopped being lonely; that you had found someone to share your life."

"I did; _you_," Sam replied.

"But I'm not here… I'm not coming back," he saw the sudden pain in her eyes, "at least not the way it was before."

"Daniel," she tried.

"Sam, I can't even tell you where I really am right now. You can't imagine what I've been through-" He stopped, thinking he had said too much. "I don't want you to be lonely, Sam."

"I'll never be, I'll always have him," she countered as she touched her belly again.

"But you need a man, someone who can help you, support you in the bad days, hold you when you're crying," he said gently.

"I will wait for you. Maybe you _can_ come back. Maybe you'll find a way one more time."

"I think I've ran out of miracles, Sam."

"Give yourself a little longer. We'll be here, waiting for you."

Her resolve seemed so intense that he could not say no to her. "I promise I'll try, Sam. For as long as I can."

"That's enough for me."

Daniel felt that something on the other side was pulling him away. "I have to go, Sam," he said. He gently caressed her belly and his eyes filled with tears.

"I love you," she said hurriedly, afraid of wasting the chance she had been given.

Daniel smiled, squeezed her hand, and replied, "I love you, too, Sam."

And then he was gone.


	22. Chapter 22

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 22**

**A.N. Hi. ****If you are enjoying the story, please, be kind and let me know. Thanks.**

The months passed very fast for Sam after that day. Becoming the head of the S.G.C. meant hours and hours of work and tons of ─as Jack had warned her─ paperwork. Her advanced pregnancy did not make the task easier, but she counted on Walter Harriman to aid her every step of the way. Some days she thought Harriman could take control of the Command and nobody would notice the difference.

Most of Sam's days started worrying about the problems at the S.G.C. and ended at home getting ready for motherhood. Though she still believed there was a chance that Daniel would come back, she tried not to center her expectations on that possibility. If he came back, it would be wonderful, but if he could not do it, she would have to keep on going without him.

Many changes took place during those first days. After months of distress, Sam finally got her old teammates to accept a new member. Cameron, Teal'c, and Vala were joined by Lieutenant Colonel Paul Davis and SG-1 went back to being a four-member team. Since Daniel's disappearance, Cameron had refused to accept any permanent replacement for him. Sam remembered Jack's behavior before Jonas Quinn had joined the team and decided not to intervene, but, when the recently promoted Davis requested to become a member of one of the teams, she decided to give him a chance. She was impressed by the effort and time Davis had put in learning many of the different alien languages Daniel had deciphered and she knew well his experience as negotiator during the time he had spent as the Pentagon liaison with the S.G.C. After a couple of missions together, the rest of SG-1 welcomed him as their new fourth member.

Dr. Carolyn Lam left her post at the base to go back to her work in a civilian hospital. Sam brought Jennifer Keller from Atlantis to replace her, as Carson Beckett's clone was allowed to _return_ to the head of the Medicine Department in the Pegasus Galaxy outpost.

Slowly, Sam got used to the changing rhythm of her new job. It was similar to Atlantis, but in a much larger scale, with many more lives depending on her decisions. For _someone who had blown up a planet_, as Jack liked to remind her, the responsibility was huge, but manageable.

Her house was ready for the arrival of the baby. She had not only fixed the baby's room, adjacent to hers, but also the playroom on the first floor. She had also transformed the maid's quarters into a small apartment for Cassie.

After her graduation from college, Cassie had come back to Colorado Springs to work in the Stargate Program. She felt she had always been a part of it and now she had a chance to be something more than a visitor. While she worked on her graduate studies, she was going to participate as a new recruit for the Wormhole Physics department and, at the same time, continue the collection of data for the Memory of the program.

Although Sam had hired a nanny to take care of the baby while she was at work, Cassie offered to replace her whenever she had free time. That way she would thank Sam for allowing her to live in her house for free.

The morning of October 15th. started as any other, but soon changed as Sam began having contractions. By midday, they were so close to each other, that she agreed to go to the Infirmary. Jennifer was waiting for her. In a few minutes, all of SG-1 was outside the Infirmary, waiting for news. Vala, who had helped Sam with her Lamaze classes, was ready to help. Teal'c almost felt as nervous as he had when his own son had been born.

**…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...**

Daniel fell on his cot, unable to move one more muscle. It hurt everywhere.

It was not the same pain as he had felt so many times before, after a battle. There were no real physical injuries. His body was simply exhausted. He could not remember when was the last time that he had had more than four hours of sleep and when he had not spent the whole day working on that damned farm.

At first, after he had suddenly been transported to his new prison, he had welcomed the change. No more battles. No more bloodshed. No more having to kill in order to survive.

He had counted nine months in his former prison and, at least that he could track, twelve visits to the Labs. In the three months he had spent in the farm, there had been no experiments, but soon he had learned that his new lifestyle was not much better than the previous one. He got up every day before the sun was up and he never went to bed until after midnight. He was certain that all his ─and the other prisoners'─ work was designed to have an abundant crop to feed the new wave of combatant slaves. He did not know if he would have to return to fighting, but he was quite sure that he would be eating what he was growing, if he was allowed to survive.

Though the guards had the same powerful weapons and guarded the prison with the same fierceness they had shown before, Daniel had started imagining possibilities to escape. At least now he had contact with the other prisoners and he had already figured out that he was not the only one who wanted to be free. What hindered him the most was the complete lack of knowledge about _where_ they were and _what_ was beyond the fields they worked. He was not going to give up nonetheless. He not only wanted to go back to Sam; he also wanted a chance to see his son.

He was about to fall asleep, trying to forget about the complaints and whines from the other men lying around him, when he felt a strong pull, as if an invisible force were trying to grab him. He was perplexed for a moment and then he decided to try to reach Sam. He had not been able to concentrate deep enough to do it since he had been taken there, but, now, he felt there was an opposite force trying to connect from the other side.


	23. Chapter 23

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 23**

**A.N. Hi. ****If you are enjoying the story, please, be kind and let me know. Thanks.**

Sam felt another contraction coming and closed her eyes. Did it hurt more than being shot? She was not sure. What she knew was that it hurt an awful lot.

She re-opened her eyes and looked around. Vala had gone to give an update to her teammates and the nurse had stepped out for a moment. She sighed. She needed to relax, but it was hard to remember that when the pain came back.

"Sam," she heard softly from her right and she turned her face to see him.

"Daniel!" she said with excitement, but as quietly as she could. "I was thinking of you a minute ago. I wished so much you could be here."

"I think I felt that," he smiled. "I felt you were calling me."

"You didn't come back. I was so worried."

"It's not easy, Sam. Many things have changed. I don't know what's going to happen-"

Sam grunting in pain interrupted his words. He carefully approached her and stretched his hand to see if he could touch her.

It worked and he carefully held her hand through the contraction.

Sam smiled appreciatively. "You know he's a boy, don't you?"

"Are you sure?"

She nodded. "We did an amniocentesis, to check that he was okay. We're sure."

Daniel smiled.

Right then Vala and the nurse came back, followed by Jennifer, and he disappeared.

Sam felt like yelling at everybody to leave her alone.

"How are we doing?" Jennifer asked while she examined her.

"Fine," Sam tried, "but I think I'm not ready yet. I think I should rest for a while and I'll call you when I feel like it's time."

Jennifer looked at her with surprise. Vala and the nurse did, too.

"You're not ready? Sam, you're more than ready. This is happening and it's happening soon," Jennifer replied.

"Okay, I understand. What if I told you I need a moment alone _before it happens_?"

Jennifer was stunned. "You're sure?"

"Yes. Give me five… no, three minutes and then-" She had to stop to deal with a contraction. After it passed, she tried again. "Three minutes, please. On my own. I promise I'll be ready after that."

"Are you really sure, dear?" Vala asked. She had tried to keep herself out of the discussion, but she did not think it was a good idea.

Sam nodded emphatically.

The three women left the room a few seconds later.

"I'll be back in three minutes, Sam, and, ready or not, this is happening. That baby _is_ ready," Jennifer warned before closing the door.

Sam leaned backwards and closed her eyes. "Daniel," she whispered.

"I'm right here."

She looked at him and smiled. "I thought you had left."

"They can't see me, Sam."

"They shouldn't or they actually can't?"

Daniel took a second. "This connection is with you, Sam. Your mind and mine. They couldn't see me even if they wanted to see me, but every time they're close they interfere with our connection."

"What can I do to keep you? I don't want you to leave, not now."

Daniel though for a few more seconds. "If you can concentrate, you'll hear my voice even when the others are here, but it will be very hard, Sam, because what you really need to concentrate on is on that," he added as she showed the signs of going through another contraction.

"Okay," she said. "I'll try. I won't even look towards you, but I'll be listening to you. Talk to me, okay?"

"I will."

Jennifer opened the door and the image of Daniel went away.

"Ready?"

"Yep," Sam said with a smile.

Vala sat by her left and held her hand. "We're all here, Sam. It's going to be alright."

"I know," Sam said and smiled.

In the next minutes, other people joined them in the small room. Other nurses and the pediatrician who would take care of the baby were there.

Amid the chaos, as she followed Jennifer's instructions and put all her energy on giving birth to their son, Sam constantly heard reassuring words from Daniel. And she felt his hand holding hers.

As soon as the baby was born, the nurses and the doctor took him to one corner of the room to check his health and start cleaning him up. Sam kept her eyes on him and did not feel calm until she heard him cry.

"Can I hold him?"

"In a minute, Sam. We'll get you ready and they'll bring him to you."

Sam felt a soft reassuring squeeze on her hand and she knew Daniel was still there.

"He's beautiful," she said and she felt the squeeze again. "It's hard to find words," she said softly, trying to translate his feelings.

"He's coming! He's coming!" Vala said with excitement. "What are you going to call him?"

Sam looked to her left and was surprised to see Daniel smiling at her. She quickly looked at the others and realized, by their lack of reaction, that they had not seen him at all.

She looked again, but the image was gone.

"Daniel," she called softly.

"Daniel? That's a great name. You're right. The best name. He even looks a little bit like him… or like you… There wouldn't be much difference," Vala said without a breath.

"I'm still here," Sam heard a whisper in her ear.

"Yes, Daniel, he's going to be Daniel," she said smiling at the baby she was being given. She cradled him against her chest and said, "Hello, little Daniel. Say hello to your… family. We're all here… or very close."

Jennifer looked at Sam and imagined all the thoughts that were going through her head. She also imagined how much she was missing Daniel. "Sam, we'll leave you alone with your son for a few minutes. Okay?"

Sam looked at her with surprise.

"We'll be back to take you to your room and he'll go to get properly bathed and checked more thoroughly, but I think you two deserve a few minutes together. You can have him later again. Okay?"

Sam nodded and everybody left the room. Vala ran to tell the others that everything had gone alright.

"You know how much I love you both, right, Sam?" Daniel said softly.

She nodded again.

"I want you to remember that if I can't make it back. Tell him that I loved him before I knew him; that I would've loved him even if he hadn't been my son."

"Daniel," Sam said with her eyes full of tears. "Do you _have_ to go?"

"I'm not really here and you know it. It's been very hard to keep the connection for so long. I'm afraid I don't have the strength to keep it going."

"Daniel," Sam complained.

"Remember, I love you."

Before she could answer the link was broken again. She held onto her baby and cried.

An hour later, she was in her Infirmary bed, waiting for her baby to be brought to her. Someone knocked on the door and she called him in.

"SamanthaCarter," Teal'c said as he approached her.

She invited him to sit by her side.

"I wish to congratulate you on the birth of your son," he started.

"Thanks, Teal'c," Sam said and then she lowered the tone of her voice and got closer to him. "_He_ was here, Teal'c. During the delivery. He saw the baby, but he said he wasn't sure he'd be able to make it back."

After Sam had revealed him everything about Daniel's previous visits, Teal'c was not surprised by her words. "Did he provide you with any details of his current location?"

"No. I don't think he knows… or he's not really anywhere where we could find him…" She felt like crying again.

Teal'c grabbed her hand. "If there is any way to find DanielJackson, we _will_ find him, Samantha. I have kept our search fresh in the minds of the allies of the Jaffa. If any news about his whereabouts surface, I will be immediately informed."

"Thanks, Teal'c."

They talked for a few more minutes until Cameron came in carrying the baby. "Jack O'Neill is on the phone, Sam, and McKay sent an encoded message from Atlantis," he said as he gave the baby to her.

Sam held baby Daniel and accepted the phone she was being offered. As she talked to Jack, she could not stop smiling at why Rodney could have needed to encode his message. He probably said something about the baby's father…


	24. Chapter 24

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 24**

**A.N. Hi. ****If you are enjoying the story, please, be kind and let me know. Thanks.**

Daniel used all the strength he had left and took another breath. He was sure that if he did not concentrate on breathing, he would die in a matter of seconds. Then again, he was not certain that he was really alive… or was it awake? Was he awake?

He put more effort into it. Surely, he could keep doing it for a little bit longer.

He took another breath. Shallow breath. Trying to take a deep breath had hurt too much and he did not think he would try again.

He had to be awake or he would not be feeling so much pain. It was not only his body hurting; his head seemed ready to blow up in thousands of pieces.

One more breath.

Was any of the other men alive? He had not seen any of them since their failed escape attempt. On the other hand, if one of them was there, he would never recognize him among the bloody prisoners lying on the floor.

Breathe… He had to breathe.

Considering what he was going through now, living on the farm had not been really bad… Not bad at all. Just a lot of physical work and not much sleep.

However, he had tried to get out of there. He wanted to find a way to communicate with his friends; he was looking for a way back to Sam and their son.

Come on. Keep breathing…

He had not been the only one. Many of the other slaves had seen more chances to escape from the farm than from their former prison. If they were to go back to the prison during the winter, they would have no more opportunities.

One more, one more…

It had not taken long for a small group of men to start discussing the possibilities. They had been very careful, planned the details for months. Their main problem was their lack of knowledge of the land where they were kept. They hay no idea what was beyond the high fences that surrounded the farm. Daniel used to imagine he was living in a feudal estate, but that did not help him figure out what would happen if they crossed the guarded gates.

Ah… That hurt more. Not moving anymore… Moving hurt.

Now he knew that it had been a doomed endeavor from the very beginning. There was no hope, but they did not know it when they finally tried.

Beyond the farm there was nothing but the highest cliffs Daniel has seen in his life and, right below, a rough sea. So far below, they could not even hear its roar.

He let out a sob. Nobody would mind.

Those six months he had spent on the farm now seemed vacation days. The torture he had endured since they had brought him to the new facility had been heartless… Not soulless; that was a better word. No, not really; it did not mean what he wanted it to mean. Desalmada.

A little smile appeared on his lips. He was still a linguist…

He did not even cry or scream anymore during the brain-washing sessions. He probably had learned that it was not a good idea trying to escape. This had to be their idea of rehab.

Ah… No, he could not breathe for much longer. He was going to pass out… or die. Not much difference. Which one would be better? He had promised Sam to try for as long as he could. Well, he could not do it anymore. Too much pain.

How long had he been there? He had no clue. He did not even have his watch anymore. Nothing; he had nothing.

How old was his son?

Breathe.

No; not anymore.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...

Sam looked at her baby sleeping by her side. He should be back in his crib, but she did not want to let him go yet. She did not get nearly as much time as she wanted with him. Her job took most of it.

"Sam," Cassie knocked on her open bedroom door. "Do you want me to put him back in his crib?"

Sam hesitated. "No… Let me have him a little while longer."

Cassie smiled. "I understand." She sat on the edge of the bed. "You know, I get that he's not Daniel's son, but I can see things in him that remind me of him," she smiled widely, "or I want him to look like him." She gently touched the baby's foot.

"Cassie, I told you he was conceived by artificial insemination, but there's more to it. I'm just not ready to talk about it. I should say it to a few more people and that's not easy."

"You don't have to tell me anything, Sam. If you chose a father for this baby, you surely had your reasons. None of us has the right to judge you. There's nothing to judge."

"Thanks," Sam said and stretched her hand to squeeze Cassie's in appreciation.

"I just really like that you called him Daniel. Our Daniel would like it, too."

"What do you see of Daniel in him?"

"Mostly his eyes. Yours are kind of bigger and a darker shade of blue… I don't know. It's just an impression."

Sam smiled. "They can still change their color. He's too young."

"Maybe." She became serious. "Do you ever think of him?"

"All the time."

"Do you think he's alive somewhere?"

"I hope so, but it gets harder to believe every day. There's nothing; no news at all. From where I'm sitting these days I have access to so much information and… nothing. We can't find him."

"I'm sorry. I miss him a lot. I can't begin to imagine how you much you miss him… and Teal'c and Jack. He always came back. I thought it would happen again."

"It's been more than a year and a half. He never took so long before."

They both stayed silent for a moment. Then Cassie stood up by the bed. "You know what? You should let him sleep there with you. Tomorrow is Sunday and you don't have to go to the S.G.C. Spoil him a little."

Sam smiled again. "I will."


	25. Chapter 25

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 25**

**A.N. Hi. Happy New Year! Here goes a little present.**

**If you are enjoying the story, please, be kind and let me know. Thanks.**

Sam sat down. All the teams that were due were home for the day. Most of the goals had been achieved. There had been no injuries or fatalities during the missions. In general, it had been a good day.

Now, she could go back to her problem. Not strictly a problem; more a matter of making a decision. She had been thinking about it since the first days of March. After much consideration, she accepted the fact that it had been Jack who had prompted her sudden interest in a second pregnancy.

It came from long before, but he had been the flame that ignited the hidden quandary.

She tried to remember how she had gotten to this point.

First, there was Danny's first birthday, just four days before the second anniversary of big Daniel's disappearance. It was a milestone, a signal, a confirmation that Daniel was not coming back.

Sam organized a small party, more for the adults who cared about Danny and her than for her son himself. She did not think he understood that he was the reason of the party, but he surely enjoyed having so many people playing with him and making noise in the house.

All day long she waited to see or hear a sign of Daniel. Just a word, an image, something… But there was nothing. He missed his son's birthday just as he had missed the whole first year of his life.

Many of Sam's hopes were lost that day.

She had not let go easily. For months she had expected him to be back, even if it was in his ascended form. She hoped he would descend, but, at least, she believed he would communicate with her again.

At the beginning she thought he would be back any minute. She would run to the door every time the bell rang or run to the phone as soon as it started ringing, always waiting to hear that someone had found him in a forgotten planet somewhere.

Some days, she expected to find him sitting at his desk like before, smiling behind the doors to his quarters, leaning over their son's crib.

Sometimes at night, she would wake up thinking she had heard him talk to her, or laughing in the next room, or even breathing by her side, but as soon as she turned on the light, reality proved her wrong.

As time passed, she started crying without a reason. All the objects that she had kept from him to remind her of his life, only made it more evident that he was dead. She put away the more obvious stuff, like his boots at the bottom of her quarters' closet or his coat on the hanger and the end of the line.

Then, she stopped talking about Daniel with the rest of their friends. Nobody else had any hopes of seeing him again ─after a while, not even Teal'c or Jack─ but Sam clung to the memory of his last visit for as long as she could. Even Vala, who initially had completely refused to believe he was dead, finally came to accept it. Talking about him with them meant having to explain why she still had hopes and that became harder and harder.

What bothered her the most was that she had not told him much about her feelings the last time she saw him. She wanted him to know that the I love you she had given him meant more than just their usual best-friend love. She had hoped she could explain it better the next time, but there had not been one. If at least she had tried to give him a little good bye kiss, something that showed him what she meant…

Ah. She had to stop thinking about it. She had to do it like that lately. Just stop torturing herself.

What had happened after the birthday? Not much until Jack finally retired and moved back to Colorado Springs on January. She was sure he would go to his Minnesota cabin and never come back, but he had chosen their town instead. She was happy about it. Having Danny's godfather closer was a big advantage. Having her friend of so many years closer was great comfort...

Until Jack started getting too close. Sam was not sure, but she felt he was trying to rekindle the infatuation they both had had for each other so long ago. It had been very strong and, in the eyes of mostly everyone, it had never become anything else just because of the regulations. Now, that was not a problem anymore.

Jack did not know anything about her relationship with Daniel and Sam gave him a chance in her heart. She tried to even imagine what life would be with Jack now that Daniel was gone, but his memory was still too strong. That was when she began thinking she had to strengthen her bond with Daniel. A second child was the best idea she could came up with and it grew and grew until she was certain there was nothing else she wanted more.

By the end of June, she tried for the first time, but it did not work out. She was getting older and conception would have been hard even in normal circumstances.

By the end of July, she tried again, this time with the help of some Follicle Stimulating Hormones to induce ovulation in order to increase her chances.

By the end of August, she knew they had succeeded and a month later she knew she was expecting twins. She had been told there was a chance of a multiple pregnancy if she used the hormones, but two babies did not seem too much. She was happy.

It was too much change in too little time, but she dealt with it admirably.

The whole process cooled off Jack intentions. He carefully backed off and went back to being her friend. Though Sam felt better about it, she realized that it had been just a secondary effect of what she really wanted to achieve. She did want another child. She wanted Danny to have the chance of sharing his life with a brother or a sister.

She wanted her second child to be Daniel's too. It was her only way to defeat his death.


	26. Chapter 26

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 26**

**A.N. Hi. ****If you are enjoying the story, please, be kind and let me know. Thanks.**

When on the first week of October an unscheduled off-world activation was followed by the I.D.C. they had given to the Nox, Sam was very surprised. She had not heard from them in many years and she was sure they did not have any interest on checking on Earth. Just as a precaution, she called the Marine unit of guards to the gateroom.

The familiar face of Lya was the first to appear through the gate, followed by two members of her race. Sam was thankful that the Nox had been kind enough to use the I.D.C., considering that they could have crossed through the iris without difficulty.

"Hello."

"Hello, Lya. Welcome to the S.G.C.," Sam greeted her.

"It is good to see you once again, my friend."

Sam invited Lya and her friends into the Conference Room and called SG-1 to the meeting. After everybody had been introduced, Lya asked Sam a question.

"When I met you, General Carter, you were a member of this unit you call SG-1."

"Yes, that's right."

"O'Neill was your commanding officer and Teal'c was part of the group, right?" She said as she acknowledged Teal'c with a gesture and a small smile.

"Yes," Sam agreed.

"But there was one more member that I do not see here today."

"You're right, Daniel Jackson, but," she paused for a second to be able to put it into words, "we lost him a long time ago. Almost three years now."

"Do you mean that he is dead?"

"We're not sure. He was kidnapped by another race and we haven't had any real news about him since then."

Teal'c looked at Sam and she saw that he was still concerned about her.

"I see," Lya said. "All right. We should explain the reason of our visit then. You may remember that, in the past, our race, the Nox, was allied with other three races."

"Yes," Cameron said, "the Ancients, the Asgard, and the Furlings, right?"

"That is correct," Lya confirmed. "You already have met the Ancients and you know that the Asgard no longer inhabit this Galaxy," she continued.

Cameron thought that was a very polite way to say that all the Asgard had committed suicide, but he remained quiet.

"But you are not acquainted with the Furlings yet, right?"

"Right," Sam said.

"Then I will have to explain this in more detail. There are different levels of existence ─to give them a name you would understand─ and you, the human race, exist in one of them. Ours is slightly dissimilar ─we use our minds in very different ways than you do─ and the Ancients have evolved into a higher level, abandoning their bodies completely. That's the process you call ascension and, if I am not mistaken, your Daniel Jackson achieved this level before."

Sam was not sure what the Furlings had to do with anything, but she liked that Lya kept mentioning Daniel. It gave her hope.

"Indeed," Teal'c interrupted her thought as he replied to Lya. "But he returned to us."

"I though so. All right. Let's get to the Furlings. They exist in another plain, we could say higher than the ascended, but, in essence, it is just very different. They still have corporeal bodies, but they leave them at will and transport themselves to wherever they want to be. It takes much training and energy to do so, but it gives them a freedom none of us have. Of course, they are subject to death like any of us or even the Ancients, but their existence is not guided by the same parameters ours are."

"Okay," Sam said, interested in the turn of the conversation.

"A few months back the Furlings detected another being in their same plain of existence, someone unknown to them, who seemed to be in grave danger and suffering great pain."

Everybody in the room remained quiet, imagining in which way that related to Earth.

"Though they have kept a policy of complete isolation from the other inhabitants of the galaxy, they broke it to communicate their discovery to us, particularly because the being in question happened to mention my name and those of my family members while communicating with them."

Sam contained a gasp and looked at Teal'c. She knew he was thinking the same.

"Aided by our intelligence, they decided to investigate and they came upon a race of individuals with advanced technology, but very different ethical codes than the ones Nox and Furlings have shared for centuries. We, The Nox, have maintained our policy of no interference as strongly as we have been able to do it, but the Furlings do not share such concerns."

"What do you mean?" Vala asked.

"When the results of their investigation showed the lack of mercy the new race ─the Odjods, as they called themselves─ showed to the prisoners they had acquired along their trips through the galaxy, the Furlings were enraged. Further research confirmed numerous other crimes against the freedom and the lives of many innocents. The Furlings determined the mere existence of the Odjods was a threat to the other races of the galaxy and stripped them of all their power and technology. It will take them many centuries to achieve the same level of development they had before."

"How is that possible? How did they Furlings do that?" Paul Davis asked.

"They have means far beyond what your race has."

"But they're not willing to share them with us, inferior races, right?" Cameron said.

"It is not a matter of inferiority. It is a matter of maturity, of capacity to deal with what power brings along."

"Why didn't the Furlings intervene when the Goa'uld or the Ori were also a threat?" Vala tried.

"They believed the other races capable of defeating such enemies and history has proven them right."

"In which way does all this relate to us?" Sam wanted to know. "Because you're telling this to us for a reason."

"Yes, that is true. One of the prisoners of the Odjods, as a matter of fact, the one who contacted the Furlings in the first place, belongs to your race. We have reasons to believe he is Daniel Jackson."


	27. Chapter 27

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 27**

"What do you mean? You _know_ Daniel-" Sam started.

"I have not had a chance to see him. He is still with the Furlings who rescued him. He was severely injured during his captivity and," she paused, "his mental state seemed also compromised."

There was complete silence following her statement.

"The Furlings anatomy and physiology are very different than the humans, so they have not been able to help with the healing of his physical wounds, except for a few exceptions, but they have arrived to a satisfactory recovery from a psychological point of view." Lya saw the relief in the faces of the people around the table, but she was not interrupted. "They are ready to send him to his people, as they have with most of the other prisoners."

"What do we have to do?" Sam asked.

Lya noticed the anxiety in her tone. "The Furlings would prefer to keep their privacy."

"What do you mean?"

"They are willing to give Daniel Jackson to us and we would accompany him to you."

"That's it? You'll bring him to us?"

"That is correct."

"Well, what's stopping you? We're ready!" Vala said with excitement

Sam smiled and nodded her head in agreement.

"I am afraid it will take more than that. We have received a collection of documents from the Furlings that provide details about the three years that Daniel stayed in captivity. The Furlings deem it necessary for your people to be acquainted with all the particulars before you accept him."

"Why?" Cameron asked dryly.

"Your friend was subjected to different _experiments_, to give them a name. The Odjods were researching which races around our galaxy showed the most resilience ─in body and spirit─ and the least effort to be kept alive and working for them. Unlike the Goa'uld, they do not possess the capability to inhabit a host and dominate it. They used powerful weapons and drugs to achieve their dominance. They tried to break the will of the captives by torturing them or they used them in war exercises, among many other aberrations."

"Was Daniel _broken_?" Sam voiced the concern of his friends.

Lya took a few seconds to respond and everybody's concern grew.

"He used what he had learned when ascended as a means of escaping a reality he could not bear any longer." She looked at Sam. "According to what we have learned, he took advantage of the techniques a human replicator tried on him to make him remember his abilities during ascension."

Sam looked down. Daniel had always dismissed the incident, but she knew much more had happened than what he had written in his report. After all, he had been killed that day.

"Was that why he ended up communicating with the Furlings?" Paul asked Lya.

"We believe he has improved his skills up to that point, yes, though he will not remember it, at least for a while."

"What do you mean?" Sam asked, afraid that the Furlings were going to give them back a Daniel without any memory as the Ancients had.

"His memory has been altered," Lya conceded.

There was a general expression of dissatisfaction going around the table.

"He won't remember who he is, again? I mean, everybody said how hard it was the first time; I can't imagine him going through that another time," Vala said with a clearly frustrated tone.

"You should not fear that. His memories of himself and his past would be intact. The Furlings have put a temporary block to his memories of the time he spent with the Odjods. Its boundaries are probably not exact, because of the difference in physiology, but Daniel has responded well to the treatment. Given time to assimilate, to digest the knowledge of what happened to him, he will be able to deal with his memories."

"Do you mean we'll have to tell him what we read in those documents?" Cameron asked her.

"No. We all agree that he should read the documents himself, whenever he feels ready to do so. He has been told, in general lines, what he went through, but the details are something he will have to deal with later on."

"So, we could say that the reason why his memories were blocked was because he could not deal with them," Sam theorized.

"That is correct. The psychological torture was extremely brutal ─without even considering the physical part─ and it was too much for any human being to overcome in such a short period of time."

"Three years?" Vala interrupted.

"There were different stages in the experimentation. The documents indicate the last year was the hardest."

Sam closed her eyes. She needed a moment.

"Then," Cameron took over, "now that we understand the terms and conditions, what do we need to do?"

The two Nox who had been quiet until then stood and distributed papers around the table.

"These are the documents you need to read to prepare. They have been translated to your language. We will return in two weeks of your time with the person we believe to be Daniel Jackson. I will corroborate his identity myself and, in the case that we had made a mistake, you will be informed."

Lya and her friends refused to stay on Earth much longer. After they were gone, SG-1 and Sam got together in the conference room again.

"We must inform O'Neill," Teal'c said.

"Yes, and Landry, too," Sam agreed.

"What do you think, Sam?" Cam asked her.

"The Nox have always done the right thing when we've met them. I believe them."

"As do I," Teal'c said.

"Then, we should start getting ready," Vala proposed.

"Yes. If he's sick or injured, he'll need special care. We don't know how he was injured; we need to have an isolation room and an intensive care unit ready," Sam replied.

"Maybe the documents will help us with that, too," Paul suggested.

"Yes. Let's divide the task, so that each one of us reads a section and summarizes it, and tomorrow morning we'll meet here and go over it together," Sam decided.

Sam called Hank Landry and informed him of the Nox visit. Then she called Jack. They talked for a while and then she went home. She told the news to Cassie and they both celebrated that Daniel was alive and that he would return home soon. It did not matter how injured he was; they would take care of him and he would recover. They were both certain of that.

That night, when she put Danny in his bed, Sam thought that perhaps Daniel would be there for his second birthday. He would get to see him again and to hold him.

She started crying without even noticing, but, this time, the tears were of happiness, the kind she had not felt in three years.


	28. Chapter 28

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 28**

**_A. N. Remember the spoilers. This has a very big spoiler about Atlantis last episode._**

When the next morning SG-1 got together with Sam, their faces clearly showed their feelings. They silently got into the Conference Room and sat around the table. There were a few other members of the S.G.C. with them. Jack had flown overnight and was sitting at the table with an expression of impatience. Jennifer was ready to take notes. Walter was documenting the meeting.

Cameron was the first to summarize what he had learned from the documents he had received. "Okay. I read the seven first months of notes. For those who were not here yesterday, the Odjods kept a thorough account of everything they did to him and his reactions. They also had detailed notes about the places where they held the prisoners, in order to modify the settings according to their efficiency." There was a general murmur of disapproval and he continued. "During these first months, Daniel was regularly held in a prison, guarded by heavily armed guards. The weapons seem similar to what Goa'ulds use. There's a list here of the weapons provided to each guard. I think the list speaks for itself."

He gave a piece of paper to Sam and, after examining it for a few seconds, she passed it around.

"The purpose of this prison," Cameron continued, "was to hold those who were selected to participate in the _war games_. The idea seems to be to group _warriors_ according to their race or their planets of origin ─they only had Daniel from here, so he was in a group with other humans─ and make them face it each other in battle. They always had two groups battling, with the same number of soldiers and similar weapons." Jack looked at him and Cameron added immediately, "The weapons were very primitive or simply ineffective to face the ones from the guards." Jack seemed satisfied with the answer. "Those _warriors _with better survival rates would be used in further experiments to decide where to look for slaves who would help them create an invincible army to… _Guess what?_" he asked with heavy sarcasm, "Dominate the galaxy."

Everybody at the table seemed disgusted or just simply tired of the same thing.

"Good thing the Furlings took care of the problem," Jack said.

His remark was met with general approval.

"What does it say about Daniel? Sam asked.

"It looks like he did extremely well, compared to most the other humans. At the beginning they made notes about his fighting skills-"

"We taught him well," Jack said with pride.

Sam smiled and Teal'c lowered his head in agreement.

"And then they started noticing other things. It looks like after every battle ─they approximately had one a week─ all the survivors who were uninjured, or those with wounds that could heal, were sent to a river to get cleaned up and then they were put in solitary confinement for the rest of the week, until it was time to battle again. The day before combat, they were checked up and some potent medicine used on them if they had not healed enough to go to war. Those who had no hope of getting back to battle were executed." He stopped again because everybody seemed appalled.

"What did they notice about Daniel?" Vala wanted to know.

"They saw that his smaller wounds were healing without leaving any scar. It started around two months after he got there. It explains here that every three fights the prisoners were taken to the medical labs to see whose physiology withstood better the conditions of the fights and the prison. In the first four labs Daniel did well, but after that he did a lot better. His small wounds were completely healed and the major ones had fared far better than in the other prisoners. At the beginning they thought it was his physiology; later on they realized he had a hand on it. He was healing himself. Daniel confirms it later."

Nobody made a comment, but Cameron gave them a moment to process the information.

"He says so in the notes. There are notes here that were added by the Furlings. It looks like comments Daniel made when they were trying to help him deal… with it."

"What do they say?" Sam asked.

"At least for the first month, Daniel thought he could hear or see us looking for him… somehow, in his mind."

"While we were still on Astrada," Teal'c reminded them.

Cameron nodded. "Then he lost us, when we abandoned the search."

Jack mumbled something heavy in regret.

"After that he concentrated in dealing with the pain. He started playing with something he remembered from the time after the Kelowna thing. It looks like when he was lying there, with all the heavy sedatives, his mind ─or something─ was out of his body having a talk with Oma Desala and, then with you Jack, right?"

They all looked at Jack.

"Yeah, he wanted me to stop Jacob from healing him. He knew he wouldn't heal him enough to go back to what it was before. He didn't want that. He wanted to see if he could do more the other way."

Sam and Teal'c looked at him with disbelief. He had never explained it that clearly.

Jack shrugged his shoulders.

"Well," Cameron continued, "he tried that. He started separating his mind from his body to not feel the pain. It helped him a lot." He made an expressive pause, "and then he started seeing Sam."

Everyone in the room, except Teal'c and Jack, looked at her with surprise.

"Yeah, I saw him. He couldn't say much, or he didn't want to, but we believed he had ascended, like when Jack and Teal'c had seen him before," Sam explained. "He never was there for too long and then he disappeared in the air as if he'd never been there. I didn't think I should make it public," she finally added as an apology.

"They thought _I was cuckoo_ when I finally told;" Jack backed her up. "And Teal'c didn't say it either."

"It says here that making contact with you gave him hope. It doesn't explain much more about it. And that's all I have."

Cameron put his papers down and Vala said, "Now, it's my turn. Okay… Daniel stayed two more months on that prison and then he was sent to a farm. During the warm months some prisoners worked on procuring food for everybody. They had fields with crops and some kind of cattle. They worked the prisoners to death. They made them all sleep in one huge room. It was always noisy and hot, according to Daniel. He missed the prison, but not the fights. He was happy he didn't have to kill anymore." She paused. "He tried to communicate with Sam many times, but there was no way to do it with all the people around. It looks like he only got to do it after you had your baby."

Sam worried.

"The note is not very clear, but the Furlings think Sam somehow half-connected from this side."

"How's that possible?" Cameron asked.

Before Sam could say anything, Vala tried an explanation. "Well, I remember I asked her what was the baby's name and Sam said _Daniel _and it looks like she thought of him while he was thinking of us and… they connected!" she finished happily.

Sam agreed, "Yes, that has to be it."

"So, does he know about the kid?" Jack asked.

"He did. He said Sam was very happy and he was, too," Vala added, still gleeful. Then, she changed her tone. "After that, he started planning how to escape out of there with other guys. There was a huge fence or hedge around the farm. The guards were always transported by air, but the prisoners had no way to get to the ships. They always left as soon as their cargo was out. Daniel and the others just wanted to jump the fence and get out of there. They planned lots of details, about the guards, their shifts, their weapons, the weather… I don't know. They were very serious."

"We know they didn't make it," Paul said somberly.

"I didn't get to read that far. That must be Teal'c's section."

"Indeed."

"I think we should take a short break," Sam suggested. "We need some more coffee and I need some water."

Walter immediately stood up to take care of the requests.

Jack smiled. "So, Danny-boy is back… Yeah!" he made a gesture of triumph and the others smiled, too. "Wait until he sees we have Atlantis parked right out of San Francisco and that the Program is going to be public very soon."

Sam smiled widely. "We'll have to pull him out of Atlantis. If we're not careful, we'll lose him in there. He'll refuse to come to this side of the world."

"Good! He deserves it. He can choose what he wants to do," Jack said.

"Maybe he wants to get out of here and not see this base again," Paul added.

"I doubt it," Cameron said.

"If we know Daniel well, he'll never leave this, not even after all he went through," Vala said.

"No, he won't," Sam said and they all nodded in agreement.


	29. Chapter 29

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 29**

**_A. N. Okay, he is back. Thank you for the patience. Let me know if you are enjoying it!_**

When they all returned to the table, Teal'c summarized what he had read. "DanielJackson's plans for escaping the prison-farm failed because he was unaware that they were held on an island. The location had been selected because of the high cliffs and deep seas. All the prisoners involved in the failed escape were transported to a different facility, where they were subjected to diverse brain-washing techniques in order to eliminate their desire to escape."

There was a general sign of disgust. Teal'c continued.

"According to the side notes, most prisoners related sensory-deprivation experiences to DanielJackson, but he underwent dissimilar treatments. His captors were afraid that he would improve the abilities he had shown in the previous solitary confinement, so they kept him in a continuously lighted room, with constant noise. They were intent on preventing him from achieving any level of concentration. Neither the lack of sleep nor the brain-washing attempts seemed to be as successful in his case as they expected, though he was kept in that location for six months. DanielJackson remembered that period as a time of constant pain and desperation."

"Oh, come on…" Jack interrupted. "Does he ever get a break?"

"Because he had lost complete track of time, he believed he had stayed there for longer than he did," Teal'c added without looking at Jack. "At the end of the six months, he was scheduled to be sent to another laboratory to go through a different kind of experiment."

"Yeah, that's my part," Paul Davis said. "He was sent to a place where they studied the effects of torture in prisoners of war. He spent forty-five days in the first lab, dedicated to physical torture, and forty-five in the second, mostly about psychological torture. The results of the experiments are very detailed, but I believe that whoever wants to know about this, should read them independently, at his or her own pace. They were very hard to go through," he added.

Vala stood up and walked toward the gateroom window, in need of a break.

Sam grabbed a glass of water and tried to hide the tears that were filling her eyes. _Hormones_, she thought. She would have to tell her friends about her new pregnancy soon, without waiting to the end of the first trimester like the time before. Jack, Teal'c, and Jennifer knew about it, but twins were going to make her state very visible and the hormones were affecting her badly.

"Anything else?" Jack asked Paul, giving Sam her own break.

"After they were done studying this, they took him back to the original prison, but this time they did not send him to battle. His physical condition had gravely deteriorated and his mental state was not up for surviving combat. They put him in the _cleaning detail_, a group of men in charge of clearing the battle fields after a fight. They took care of burning the bodies and transporting the injured men to where they would be executed. They also had to get the battlefield itself cleaned of as much of the signs of the previous battle as possible."

"Agh…" Vala said, voicing the general repulsion going around the table.

"He was there for at least four months. He started regaining his physical health. However, he did not want to talk about this period with the Furlings and they did not pressure him."

"After that he went to another facility," Sam took over. "He had been _chosen_. They had selected him, among a few others, as possible _invincible army_ material. They fed the soldiers well and they gave them a rigorous physical training. They also experimented on them with different muscle-enhancing medicines, especially anabolic steroids, and routinely drugged them with other substances to study their effects. During the training Daniel was often severely injured, but he started using his healing ability to help himself. He had ideas of escaping again and he needed to be strong. He had gathered information that indicated that they would search for more fighters like him here, among us. He wasn't going to let it happen without giving us some kind of warning."

"Of course he wouldn't," Jack said, half-mad, half-proud.

Sam looked at him with a small smile and continued. "During this time, he had a chance to meditate and his deep concentration ended up in his ability to communicate within the plain of the Furlings. Once he realized who he was in contact with, he tried to explain the situation and he talked about Lya and her people, Oma, Orlin, Morgan Le Fay, Merlin, and Thor and all the Asgard."

"Did they believe him that he knew all those people?" Cameron asked.

"Yes… You know Daniel. He can be pretty convincing. He put emphasis on the urgency of the matter and the Furlings started trying to locate him. He had been in that complex for five months when they finally found him. First, the Furlings tried to negotiate with the Odjods, in an effort to respect their rights, but after almost two months of coming and going and no results, they took a more drastic approach and they liberated all the prisoners. Then, they took care of the Odjods by depriving them of all the technological advances they had achieved and relocating their whole population in a very primitive and uninviting planet."

"You won't hear me complaining," Jack said with a sarcastic smile.

"The Furlings are constantly monitoring them; they won't let them enslave anyone else."

"So, that's it?" Vala asked Sam.

"There's another document. It looks like while the Furlings were negotiating, the Odjods identified Daniel as the one who had made them aware of the situation and they put him back in a cell. They also beat him up daily to teach him a lesson. That's why he's so hurt."

"Okay… I think we've heard enough for a day," Jack said.

"I agree. Sergeant Harriman here has posted a whole copy of the report on our secure net and all of you can access it whenever you feel like completing the reading. Any other member of the S.G.C. with the right clearance will also have access to it," Sam explained and then she asked all the present to stay for a few more minutes. She took that time to give the official news of her new pregnancy and then dismissed the meeting.

On the day of the third anniversary of Daniel's disappearance, Lya and her people came through the gate bringing Daniel. He was lying unconscious on a stretcher two Nox were carrying. All the welcome committee became suddenly silent.

"The Furlings considered it best to sedate him for the trip. He is still not fully recovered, but I had a chance to speak to him before he was medicated and he was in good spirits," Lya explained.

Jennifer ordered that he was taken to the Infirmary and, when she finally came out with her initial diagnosis, Jack, Sam, and SG-1 were waiting for her.

"Okay, in general, he's doing fine. I don't know how much longer he'll sleep ─they gave him a pretty strong sedative─ but he'll still need some pain medication after that. The most surprising finding was that his skin is in perfect condition. With the exception of what seems to be the scar of an appendectomy, there are no other injuries or scars anywhere in his body."

"Would that be consistent with his ability to heal his small wounds as they described it in the documents?" Sam asked.

"I'd say that's possible, because there _are_ injuries in the underlying tissues. Some of them are quite severe, but they're all in the process of healing. There are also several fractures, healing, too; the ones in his ribs seem the most recent. I'll have a complete report on your desk soon, Sam, but I'll say that he'll be able to leave the Infirmary in a couple of days. He'll still need care, but I'm sure he'll appreciate the freedom. What we haven't checked up yet is his mental state, but we'll see about that when he wakes up. The Furlings seemed confident that the memory block had helped him with the recurring nightmares and the psychological trauma caused by the whole experience."

"Okay… Can we go in now?" Jack asked.

"Well, you can see him for a minute, but I can call you when he wakes up," Jennifer answered.

"We need to stay," Jack insisted.

"I will take the first three hours," Teal'c said.

"But you don't have to-" Jennifer tried.

"We need to hold his hand," Sam finally dared explain.

"I'll go second," Jack said.

"You need to hold his hand?" Jennifer asked with a smile.

"Yeah… We've been doing it since the beginning. You know, with his family history and all the times we've lost him… We don't want him to wake up alone," Sam said.

"All right. Go ahead," Jennifer conceded. "Just let me know as soon as he's awake." She smiled and led them into his room.


	30. Chapter 30

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 30**

Sam stood behind as the others approached Daniel. She was not sure that she wanted to see him sleeping there. It brought too many memories of other times.

After everyone but Teal'c had left, Sam got closer with Jennifer. Teal'c excused himself for a moment and left them alone with Daniel.

He looked very different. The first thing she could see was that his hair was extremely short.

"Jack must be happy with the military haircut," she told Jennifer with a smile. She looked at him carefully; even under the covers and with all the monitors the doctor had connected to him, she could see how his body had changed. "He looks different. I mean, he was in great shape when he left, but now he looks so much more… I don't know how to say it; I can't find a word. Do you think it's because of the steroids they gave him?"

"No. You read the report. It's been too long since they last tried that with him. There are no traces at all in his blood, but that's logical. I'd say the physical training of the _soldiers_ was far more intensive than we thought. He probably kept doing it while he was in the cell. It must have helped him survive the punishment. He's in very good shape in spite of all his injuries."

"So you think we can take him out of here this weekend?"

"Yes, I think he'll do fine. Where are you going to take him?"

"Jack thought he should go with him, as usual, but his new house is pretty small. We decided that he'll go to my house. You've seen those rooms that are by the library. We've made them into a small apartment, almost. He has a bedroom in the first room, the one with the bathroom, and then we put his desk, a sofa, and some chairs in the other room. Most of his other stuff is in the library. Jack and Teal'c can stay in the guest room any time they want, to help. Besides, Cassie is always in the house when she's not here, so… he won't be alone."

"And Danny will be there, too."

"Yeah. I want him close to Daniel."

Teal'c came back and the women left him with Daniel.

Jack had been in Teal'c's place for less than half an hour when he realized that Daniel had just squeezed his hand. He stood up and looked at his face.

Daniel moaned softly and then opened his eyes. He blinked several times and then he focused on Jack.

"Hey, Jack."

"Hey, Danny-boy," he answered and immediately started calling the nurses. "How are you doing?"

Daniel took a few seconds. "Okay," he finally said. "You look kind of blurry, but then, I can't remember anything looking fine lately. I don't know how long it's been since I lost my glasses."

"Well, that's something we can take care of; we have a new pair for you. Dr. Keller will bring them soon."

"Keller? What happened to Lam?"

"She left when Hank went to Washington."

"Washington, eh? There with you?"

"I'm again happily retired. This time is final."

"Okay… If you say so." He paused. "Keller… There was a Keller working with Carson Beckett in Atlantis."

"One and the same. Sam offered her the job. They're good friends and she had a good record in Atlantis. And talking about Atlantis-"

"How's Sam doing?"

Jack was about to answer when Jennifer came in and made him leave the room to examine Daniel. When she finished, Teal'c was there with Jack. They went back into Daniel's room.

"It's good to see you again, DanielJackson," Teal'c said.

"It's great to see you, too. Teal'c." He looked at Teal'c's hairdo and added, "That's new. The last time I saw you, your hair was shorter."

"The last time I saw you, your hair was longer." Teal'c replied.

Daniel raised his hand and touched his head. "Wow. Didn't realize it was so short."

Jennifer came back with the glasses.

Daniel put them on and smiled. "That's much better. So, where are the others?"

"Cam and Vala will be here soon. They don't know you're awake yet. We just wanted you to take it easy," Jack explained.

"Okay," Daniel said. "So, tell me about Sam," he added, starting to get worried because she was not there.

"SamanthaCarter is a Lieutenant General now and she is in charge of the S.G.C. She will be here as soon as she is finished with the debriefing of SG-5," Teal'c said proudly.

"Wow… I've really been gone for three years, haven't I? I mean, the Furlings told me, but it's kind of hard to believe. The last thing I remember is going on a mission with SG-1."

"Yep, three years, Danny-boy. And there's something else you should know about Sam, just in case you notice she's gotten bigger-"

"Bigger?" Daniel asked, surprised at the comment.

"Mostly around here by now," Jack said as he put his arms in front of his chest, "but the rest is coming along."

"What?"

"SamanthaCarter is pregnant, with twins," Teal'c explained.

Daniel was shocked, but did not show it. "Twins?"

"Yep, and she already has a toddler, two-year old," Jack added and looked at Daniel to see if he remembered that.

"All right. I take you're not… I mean, you keep saying _she_ has-"

"Oh, no, no. They aren't mine," Jack said almost defensively.

"Who did she marry?" Daniel asked softly.

"She's not married. Got the kids through that bank thing-"

"Artificial insemination with sperm from the sperm bank," Teal'c clarified expressively.

"Okay," Daniel replied.

Jack made a gesture of annoyance at Teal'c's candor, but internally he started worrying. Daniel seemed too detached. Jack decided to talk about something else. "Now, going back to what I was saying before, I bet you won't guess where we have Atlantis."

"You have Atlantis?"

"Yep."

"Where?"

"What? No try at guessing?"

"Jack…"

"Okay, okay. It's right outside of San Francisco, looking at the Golden Gate."

Daniel was stunned.

"It's a long story," Jack started to explain, when he was interrupted by Cameron and Vala.

They all stayed and chatted for another while until Jennifer asked them to let her patient take a break.

An hour later, while he was resting with his eyes closed, Daniel felt a presence in the room. He opened the eyes and saw Sam, standing by his bed, looking at him with tenderness.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey, Daniel. Are you feeling okay?"

"Fine."

Sam smiled. Of course; he was always fine. She sat down by his side. She was feeling uncomfortable; she did not know what to say because she was not sure of how much he remembered. "So, how much did they tell you about what happened?" she asked carefully.

"Not much. Since I woke up after the memory blocking procedure, I haven't remembered anything at all. I know it will all come back, but, fortunately, not yet. The Furlings gave me a general idea of the events and I have the same copy of the reports from the Odjods they gave you, but I haven't read much. Just the beginning. I was surprised by some things they said about me-"

"Like what?"

"The healing, for example. I don't remember how I did it."

"It looks like it worked. Jennifer said you have no scars," Sam offered.

Daniel smiled and looked down.

"Do you know you came to see me?" Sam tried.

Daniel looked at her with surprise.

"You were with me after my first son was born," she played with the truth.

He looked sad. "I don't remember that. That's the bad part of the block. It helps not having to dwell on the bad things, but the good memories are gone, too."

"Maybe they'll come back first."

"I hope. In any case, congratulations on the three babies."

"Thanks," Sam smiled. "And what's the last thing you remember from before Astrada?" Sam asked, hoping they could talk about their night together.

"Actually, I don't remember Astrada at all. My last memory is from you and I getting ready to go there for the first time."

Sam felt a knot in her stomach. He did not remember their night, their son, or the fact that he had admitted he was in love with her. She only hoped he still loved her, because now she was certain _she_ loved him.

"Did Jack tell you we'll move you into my house? We've put together most of your stuff. Even the piano is on the main floor and we have your books and artifacts, all in the library by your room. You'll see."

"Don't worry, Sam. I'll be okay."

"All right. Go to sleep; you need to rest." She stood and leaned over him. She kissed his forehead very softly and said, "I'm glad you're back, Daniel."

"I'm glad, too, Sam."

Sam did not leave the room. She sat by his side and held his hand as their friends had done before.

Daniel was aware of her presence and of her warm hand holding his, but he remained still, with his eyes closed, because she gave him great comfort and he was afraid that she would leave if he did not try to fall asleep.

He was tremendously relieved to be back home. When he had woken up among the Furlings, he had felt shocked. Soon after they had shown him a recording made by himself after agreeing to the memory block. His appearance on the recording had shaken him more than the physical appearance of the Furlings he had finally got to meet. His own words had worried him deeply. He understood the logic of his decision, but he felt the weight of being amnesiac again. The fact that he still remembered his own identity was somewhat of a relief, but he was getting tired of never coming out unscathed.

He knew he would have to read the documents they were offering him _before_ his memory came back, so that he had enough time to process what had happened to him and deal with it, before the atrociousness he had hinted at during the video could hit him.

As he enjoyed Sam's company, fatigue won the battle and, soon, Daniel was fast asleep.

Sam noticed the change in his breathing, but did not move from his side. Cassie was home with Danny; consequently, she could spend the night with Daniel without worrying. Besides, it had been a crazy day at the S.G.C. Two teams had gotten into trouble off-world and she had been debriefing them for hours.

As she held Daniel's hand, Sam recalled all the times she had been there doing the same. She found comfort in the fact that this time he was out of danger, visibly recovering. Physically, that was, because anyone who had read that report could see that he was going toward hard times, as soon as his memory started coming back.

Sam sighed. Now that he was finally there with her, all the feelings he had awaken on her before going away, were slowly coming back. She moved her fingers over his hand and remembered the softness of his skin. She wished she could lie down by his side and make sure that he was not a figment of her imagination.

She pondered why, though most of her adult life she had slept alone, after just one night with Daniel, she had begun thinking of the vastness of her bed as she lay there on her own. For the first time in her life she had felt the emptiness between her arms when there was no Daniel to hold.

She suddenly realized that perhaps she had decided to have children to fill that void that had never been there before him. How many nights, in the peek of her agony, had she gone to Danny's room and held him as he slept? It had been so comforting… Now she felt guilty about it.

No; she was too harsh on herself. She loved to hold Danny; she loved to spend every minute she could with him; she loved to see the hints of Daniel in him. He was not a replacement; he was the love of her life, even more than Daniel himself. Some days she was amazed at how much she loved that little person who had changed her life so deeply. She could even imagine how much she would love the twins. So much love, for years untapped, all for them now.

And for Daniel. No matter how long it took, she was going to bring him back to health and to her life. To _their life_. They were going to be a family and Daniel was going to have what had been missing from his life from so early.

Early in the morning, after Vala came to replace her, Sam left Daniel in good hands.


	31. Chapter 31

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 31**

The next weekend Daniel moved into Sam's house. All his friends prepared a welcome party and celebrated his return with him. When Jack left, late in the evening, he promised to be back the next day and probably move into the guest room on Monday to help Daniel while Sam and Cassie were at work.

"This is a big house, Sam," Daniel said as he carefully got up from the armchair.

"I know, but I just fell in love with it. Wait until you see your library."

"_My_ library?"

"Well, this house is yours, too," she replied as she helped him walk toward the elevator in the back of the house. "I used some of the money I got from selling your house to buy this one."

"That money was yours. I left it all for you."

"It doesn't matter now. In any case, the library upstairs is full of your things. There are a few books of mine in there, but most are in my office."

"I can't believe I've been in the house for almost eight hours and I haven't been upstairs yet."

"Jack didn't want you to get _agitated_," she smiled.

"Agitated?"

"You know him. He wanted to be in control. He's been directing what we had to put in your rooms and he's made Teal'c follow his every command. He says he knows you better than anyone."

"And Teal'c?" Daniel asked, smiling, too.

"I admire his patience."

They got to Daniel's room and Sam helped him in. He sat on the edge of the bed and looked around.

"It looks great."

"Good." Then she looked at his leg in a cast. "Does it hurt?"

"No; don't worry. I won't have this cast for long. The ribcage hurts a little bit more, but Keller gave me some pills and I have this bandage that helps a lot," he said as he slightly touched his shirt.

"I know. Jennifer taught me how to undo it and then re-bandage you, so that you can do the breathing exercises. We'll start in the morning. The last thing we need is for you to get pneumonia."

"Okay." He put his hands by his side and pushed them into the mattress. "Feels like my bed."

"It is. I've got almost all you furniture around here or in the basement."

He nodded. He did not want to ask why she had kept everything. He had something more important to ask. He looked at her. He had to do it. "They're mine," he said softly and waited.

"Yes, of course, that's what I'm trying to say."

"I mean," he paused, to gather courage, "Danny and the twins."

Sam's legs suddenly felt unable to hold her. She sat by his side and looked him in the eyes. "Did you remember? How do you know?"

Daniel sighed. So, he was right. "No, I didn't remember. I just looked at Danny today and… he reminded me of the few pictures I have left from my parents, those from Greece and Egypt. I kind of looked exactly like him."

Sam smiled and grabbed his hand.

"And, besides, Teal'c said you used a sperm bank, so I put it together."

"Are you okay with it? I asked you once to forgive me for doing it without your permission, but-"

"I can't think of anyone I'd have chosen instead of you."

Sam smiled widely and squeezed his hand.

"What?"

"That's exactly what you said the last time. Thanks."

"You don't have to thank me. It's an honor that you consider me good enough to be the father of your children, Sam."

"Of course you're good enough, Daniel; you're far more than good enough. You're unique."

He was so close to her and she had missed him so much… She desperately wanted to kiss him, to prove that all this time she had been holding on to something real and not just her imagination.

Before she could react, Daniel gave her a hug. It was heartfelt and she understood exactly what he meant by it, but it was not what she was expecting.

She sighed. She was unfair. He did not remember.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yes, just relieved that you know."

"Is that why I came to see you after Danny was born? I knew?" he asked as they came apart.

"Actually, you were there _while_ he was born, by my side, and, yes, you knew."

He seemed stunned. "I _will_ remember it. I know."

She felt sorry. "You will, Daniel; I'm sure you will. They said you would, at your own pace. Besides, there was a note on the report. You remembered it when you talked to the Furlings, so, it's there. You just didn't mention that he was your son," Sam said and then worried that she was revealing too much.

"I was probably concerned about who would end up reading those papers. I don't know."

"Well, now you have to decide what you want to do, how to handle it. We can tell Danny when he comes to say good-night. Cassie promised to come by with him before she puts him in bed. He got to stay up late today, because of all the commotion… Or we can wait until you feel better. Or you don't have to tell him if you don't want to. I don't know. Just remember that you have all the rights… Just no obligations, because I didn't ask you before getting you into this."

"Sam, take it easy. What do you want? You haven't told anyone, so how do you want to go about it? Do you want it to stay a secret?"

"Teal'c knows… and Jennifer and Rodney."

"McKay? Why?"

"He saved my life in Atlantis and… It's a long story. Besides, they're married."

"Keller is married to McKay?" Daniel asked with disbelief.

"Atlantis changed him a lot."

He still looked doubtful.

"Well, not much, but enough."

"Okay…" he said, and looked at her, still expecting her to give her opinion.

She sighed again. "I wish we could tell everybody, slowly. I don't want anyone to be hurt."

"You mean Jack?"

"Well, he'll be hurt that I didn't tell him, but there was so much to explain."

"Do you want me to talk to him?"

She thought about it for a moment and then said, "No; I'll do it."

There was noise coming from the hallway and Sam looked at Daniel questioningly.

"You can tell him," Daniel said.

A couple of minutes later, Cassie and Danny came into the room.

"Hey, Danny," Sam said, kneeling by her son. "Do you remember Daniel?"

"Sure," Danny answered with his baby voice.

Sam smiled. Danny answered "_sure_" to at least fifty percent of her questions.

"Okay. Daniel is a friend of Mommy, but he also is someone very important. He's your Daddy."

Danny smiled. "Daddy," he repeated.

Sam knew he probably was not capable of grasping the importance of what he was being told, but Cassie had. The surprise was showing in her face.

Daniel looked at Cassie and smiled.

Sam looked at her and whispered, "I'll tell you later, Cassie." Then she looked again at Danny. "Now you need to go to bed. Why don't you give a big hug to Daddy and say good night?"

Danny obeyed with a smile.

Daniel's eyes filled with tears.

"Good night, Danny."

"Bye," Danny said and then hopped away towards his room. Cassie followed him.

"Thanks," Daniel managed to say.

Sam put a hand on his shoulder. "Nothing to thank me for, Daniel. Go to sleep, you too. You must be very tired." She grabbed a pillow from a chair and gave it to him. "This one is for your leg. Do you need help?"

"I'll manage. Don't worry."

"Good night, then."

"Good night, Sam."

As soon as Sam closed the door behind her, Daniel turned off the light and slowly stretched on top of the bed. More than the physical pain, he was feeling anguish, or perhaps sorrow. He knew he had consented to the memory block; he knew that he had been almost incapable of dealing with the memories of his confinement without losing his mind, but he desperately wanted to remember something he felt was important. Obviously, he did not know what, but every time he looked at Sam, he felt there was something in the air, between them, keeping them apart and pulling them together at the same time. If only he could _just_ remember what _that_ was…

He promised himself to start reading the papers the Furlings had given him as soon as he could the next day. Perhaps there was something there, in the notes that related what he had said to his rescuers, than hinted at what he had to remember about Sam.

There was another matter he had to think about. Should he ask Sam to marry him? She was the mother of his son and she was expecting his twins, so it seemed the sensible thing to do. Besides, the Program was going to be public in a few months and she would have to face the world as a single mother. He knew the world's attitude toward unmarried mothers had evolved drastically during the last quarter of a century, but it was not good enough yet. She was going to be harshly criticized; many would pass judgment on her without even knowing her; many more would condemn her for her audacity.

His biggest concern was that it would be unfair to her in one way or another. Or she kept her head high and dared the world, or she was sentenced to a life by the side of a man she did not love. He was sure they could have a great life together ─they were so compatible─ but that was not enough. Sam deserved to find a man who could ignite the passion he was certain she hid inside.

Should he give her the option at least? Should he give her the chance to decide what fate would suit her better? Should he risk offending or alienating her? Not to do it to avoid that risk would be just cowardice; he was too afraid of losing her, even if she always remained nothing but his friend, but he had to think of her first.

Then there was the other side. If he _did _ask her to marry him, would he do it because it was the right thing to do or because of his own feelings? Nobody would benefit more than him if she accepted.

It was a tough decision and he would have to think more about it. Maybe talk with Jack. Maybe with Teal'c.


	32. Chapter 32

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 32**

**_Warning about sex and violence (very little). _**

The next morning Sam woke him up with breakfast. She was surprised to see that he had not really gotten in bed; he was almost exactly where she left him.

"Are you feeling well?"

"Yeah,"

"Okay. Why don't you have some of this," she said as she put the breakfast tray on a small rolling table, "and then we'll do the breathing exercises."

Daniel nodded and grabbed the cup of coffee. "This is good," he said as he savored it. "Don't think I had much of this in the last years."

Sam smiled. "I got some of your favorite coffees. I thought you'd enjoy them."

"Yeah. Thanks."

Daniel was silent the rest of the meal and Sam just let him enjoy his food. When he was finished, she moved the table away and asked, "Are you ready for the deep breathing? Jennifer said it was very important."

"Okay."

"I'll go get the new bandages. I'll be back in a minute."

She came back with all the supplies the doctor had given her and sat by his side.

Daniel slowly starting taking off his shirt and she helped him. Then, Sam began unwrapping the bandage. He closed his eyes; it was rather painful, but he did not want to show it to Sam.

She noticed anyway. "I'm sorry."

"That's okay." He opened his eyes and took his glasses off. He was about to ask Sam about Cassie's school, when a flashback made him move his torso away from her.

"I'm sorry! Did I hurt you?"

"No…" he said, still stunned. "I just remembered something. Go on." He straightened and let her continue. A few seconds later, it happened again.

"Wow! Was that another memory?" Sam asked.

Daniel was breathing fast, shivering, and obviously in pain. "Yes."

"Do you want to talk about it? Did you remember anything about the Odjods?"

"No. It was something different. Maybe what the Furlings did to my memories of these years affected other areas."

"What do you mean?"

"What I remembered had nothing to do with the prison."

"What was it?" She asked as she got a blanket and covered him to try to stop the shivering.

He was reluctant, but he finally gave in. "I thought of Shyla. I was dying, because of the injuries from the cave in, and she was leaning over me, trying to get me into the sarcophagus without anyone else knowing. It hurt so much and then… I think that was when I died."

"Oh, Daniel! What about the second time? That had a different effect on you."

"That-" he shook his head. "No; it doesn't matter."

"Daniel, it's better if you talk about it."

"I don't talk about it."

"About what?"

He lowered his head until his chin almost touched his chest. Defeat. That was his gesture of defeat.

"Come on, Daniel. Tell me." She carefully knelt in front of him to see his face. "What?"

He took his time debating whether to tell her or not. "Hathor," he finally said.

"_Holly Hannah!_" Sam thought, but she softly asked, "You had a flashback about Hathor?"

He sighed deeply and Sam knew he hurt himself with it.

"What did you remember?" She tried again.

He closed his eyes tightly. "I was lying on the bed and she was sitting on me and her hands were pushing onto my chest and I couldn't breathe… It just hurt and everything was becoming darker… That's all I remembered."

"Did you ever talk about this with the psychiatrist at the base?"

"No."

"What do you mean _no_? Didn't Janet send you to him?"

"No."

"I don't understand."

"She didn't have a full report. She just found some bruised ribs and other minor injuries, but with all the things that happened that day, she had no way of knowing what really happened."

"But she was with me when we found you, after…" She was not sure she wanted to continue talking about it. She could see it bothered him, but perhaps he needed to let it all out. "So, you lied to her?"

"I didn't remember all of it at that time. It all came back slowly, like in a dream… a nightmare, actually." He paused. "Janet reported that Hathor used my D.N.A., but she had no need to explain how it was obtained. She probably didn't want to pressure me too much, right after what happened with Nem. I don't think anyone wanted to talk about it. Jack had his own traumatic memories to deal with and I never brought it up."

"Have you ever had nightmares or flashbacks about it?"

"Nightmares, yes, plenty." He looked at her. "Come on, Sam. Get up. Sit here. You shouldn't be kneeling there."

"I'm fine." She sat by his side, "But don't change the subject, Daniel. Rape is something too serious to keep it inside all this time."

"It was not exactly rape."

"Come on, Daniel! Let's see, she drugged you and when you were unable to oppose her will, she forced you into sexual intercourse. That constitutes rape under any definition of the term." She stopped because she saw how distressed he was. She softened her tone. "Don't you think you should talk about this with someone?"

He shook his head. "You know what the worst was?" he asked.

She was not sure he was actually expecting a reply, so she remained quiet. He was talking to someone. To her.

"I knew. I knew what she was really doing. She had explained to me that she was the queen, the mother of all gods, and that she needed the code of life from us, so that the host wouldn't reject the larva… but when she said I should contribute it, I tried to stop her-"

"Daniel, you couldn't stop her."

"She drugged me more and I couldn't resist her. I kept doing everything she wanted even when in my head I was yelling at her to stop, at my body to stop... That must be how a host feels. You see your body do things and all the time you're trapped inside your mind…"

She sighed. "Yeah, that was more or less what I felt with Jolinar."

"You were lucky that she was a Tok'Ra."

"Daniel," she tried.

"Don't worry. I'll be fine. It's just that I still blame myself for letting her use me to create more of one of the few things I've ever hated. I've had nightmares where Jack had a symbiote inside of him and whenever it talked to him, it had my voice."

"Oh, Daniel!" She wanted to hug him, but it could hurt him. "Listen, it's time to take your painkiller. I'll give it to you and then you lie down here until it takes effect, and, _then_, we try the exercises."

He nodded and she brought the medicine. He took a pill and carefully lay down on the bed.

Sam grabbed a blanket and gently covered him with it. She put a hand under the cover and stretched the bandages that were already half way undone.

"There. I'll be back in twenty minutes. Rest for a while. Call me if you need me, but we'll talk about all these things again." She grabbed the phone from the nightstand. "This has intercom. I'll be in 5. That's the kitchen. Okay?"

"Okay."

After she left, Daniel closed his eyes. Now he was more confused than before. While Sam was tenderly fixing his bandage and the covers, he had had another flashback, but it was not an ugly one. Actually, it could not be a flashback at all, because it had never happened. Sam's hands had never lovingly caressed his chest; she had never laid her head on him. They had never made love.

That was something he usually did not allow himself to imagine. It had to be the drugs.

Sam slowly walked toward the kitchen. Daniel's revelations had stunned her. She did not think often about Hathor anymore. There had been too many other threats after her and she was dead. However, what Daniel had experienced with her was something that would have shattered any woman's life. Rape was one of the most difficult traumas to overcome. She knew the statistics and, unfortunately, she knew real women who had gone through such ordeal. In the male dominated world of the military, rape was not unheard of. But Daniel's case had been purposely ignored because he was a man. She did not think Janet had done it on purpose; she was sure Daniel had misrepresented the facts to avoid dwelling into something that, undoubtedly, embarrassed him. She would have to help him herself. She would find a way.


	33. Chapter 33

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 33**

When Sam got to the kitchen, she found Cassie with Danny.

"We were waiting for you to have breakfast," she said with a smile.

"I was helping Daniel. I have to go back soon."

"Okay. This is ready."

The three sat down around the table and enjoyed breakfast. In a few minutes, Danny was ready to leave.

"Down?"

"You want to go down?"

"Yeah!"

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know."

Sam smiled. She helped him down and saw him run toward the playroom. Cassie stood up.

Sam made a gesture and smiled at her. "Sit down and finish your breakfast, Cassie. He'll be fine. When you're not here, he goes around the house all the time. Besides, we have to talk."

"You don't need to explain, Sam."

"But I want to." She sighed. "Do you remember when I told you I was thinking about having a baby and I was going to use sperm from a bank?"

"Yes."

"Well, it was all true. The only part I kept was that I knew where Daniel had stored his sperm and I had access to it. I didn't even tell Jack. It was too much to explain."

"How did you find out? He told you?"

"No. I found out when I got all his inheritance."

"Would you have ever told anyone if Daniel hadn't come back?"

"I don't know." She suddenly laughed softly.

"What?"

"Daniel says that Danny looks a lot like him. I was just imagining Danny being twenty-five years old and a clone of Daniel and Jack saying _"Carter!"_ or something like that."

Cassie laughed. "That's funny… How are you going to tell him now?"

"He'll come this afternoon. We'll see."

"It's not that complicated."

"There's something else, but Daniel doesn't remember it yet."

"What do you mean?"

Sam hesitated, but then thought it would be better to come clean all at once. "Daniel and I, we… we spent a night together before he went to Astrada. It was my idea, we can say, but he confessed that he was in love with me, and that's why I thought he'd be okay with the baby idea. After all, he had stored the sperm to keep his chances open because he _wanted_ children. And, then, he seemed happy when he visited me from the prison-" She looked at Cassie and realized it was too much in too little time. "I'm sorry."

"Wow!" Cassie said, trying to come out of her shock. "You know what? I'm my mother's daughter and I want all the details, but you have to go back to him. We'll talk tonight. I'll clean up around here and I'll go check up on Danny."

As they both stood, Cassie hugged Sam. "This is so great news, Sam! It's going to work out. He'll remember. Bah, he doesn't even have to remember. I'm sure he _knows_ he loves you and-" She suddenly realized something. "Wait. Do _you_ love him?"

Sam looked at her and slowly nodded. "Yes, I do."

"Great!" Cassie said and they both laughed.

A few minutes later, Sam was back with Daniel. She finished unwrapping his bandage, he did his deep breathing exercises, and then she covered his cast with a shield so that he could shower.

"I've been dreaming about a real shower."

"Will you need help?"

The question somewhat surprised him. "No, thanks."

"Okay. Call number one when you're ready to be bandaged."

By three in the afternoon, Sam had everything under control. Everybody had had lunch, the dishes were done, and the house looked in order. She made a cup of tea and sat in the kitchen to get some rest. She had not been there for more than five minutes, when she heard the bell ring. She knew it had to be Jack. A few seconds later, Cassie opened the door.

"Hey, Uncle Jack. What's that?"

"Real food for Daniel. Sam's going to kill him slowly with vegetable soup. The boy needs to stay strong."

"So, what did you bring?" she asked as they walked toward the kitchen.

"Ah, that's classified. I don't want Sam to confiscate it."

They had just reached the kitchen when he saw Sam smiling at him from behind the counter.

"Oy… It's just some beer, Carter, and I few vittles for later."

"Yeah, I can see," she said as she took boxes of frozen food out of the paper bags.

"So, how's Danny-boy doing?"

"He's fine, but-"

Danny interrupted her as he entered the kitchen running, playing with a small toy train as if it were a plane. "Weeee…"

Jack looked at him. "A train, Sam?"

"He thinks all vehicles can fly," she replied with a big smile.

"Hello, little guy. Can Uncle Jack get a hug?"

"Sure."

They hugged and then Danny ran out of the room. Jack stood up and, before he could say anything, Danny came back with a small blanket. He laughed and covered his head with it.

"Where is it?" He asked from under the cover in between laughs.

Jack looked at Sam.

"Where's Danny, Jack? Have you seen him?" She asked looking around.

"I don't know," a little voice answered from below.

"I haven't seen him, either," Jack got into the game.

Danny uncovered his face and said, "¡Aquí estoy!" with a huge smile.

"Wow, there you are!" Sam celebrated.

_"Aquí estoy?"_ Jack asked Sam.

"He spent the morning with Daniel," Sam explained.

"Ah…"

"Come on, Danny; let's tell Daniel that Uncle Jack is here," Cassie told him.

"Sure." He got out of the kitchen running as he yelled, "Daddy! Daddy!"

Sam heard and decided to take it easy. She turned and started washing her tea cup in the sink.

"Daddy?" Jack asked.

"Yep."

"Carter?"

She sighed. She turned and gestured for him to sit down. She sat facing him. "It's a long story."

"Okay…" he said calmly.

"When I had to take care of Daniel's inheritance, I found out that he had stored some of his sperm in a bank," she began.

Jack showed his discomfort with the subject immediately.

"Do you really want to know? Because, if this bothers you, we can forget about it."

"No, go ahead," he said with a gesture of his hand.

"That's when I got the idea. I was going to be forty soon and I had no hope of having a stable relationship any time soon… And besides, being in command of Atlantis put me in a better position-"

"I get it, Sam."

"Well, I studied all the possibilities and with the help of Jennifer Keller, it all worked out."

"That wasn't that long. Why didn't you say anything before?"

"I didn't know if Daniel would come back, but it felt wrong to tell other people before I could tell him what I had done."

"What did he say when you told him?"

"I didn't tell him. He kind of figured out that part on his own. He just asked me to confirm it yesterday night."

"And now you're a big nice family," he said with a tad of sarcasm.

"Not exactly. We just agreed that Danny could know the truth and that we'd tell the rest of our friends, but that's mostly it."

He thought for a few seconds. "The twins, too?"

She nodded.

He sighed. "Okay." He was quiet for another minute and then he asked, "You said he figured out _that part_ himself. What _didn't_ he figure out?"

Sam had not realized she had put it in those terms. She hesitated. "He doesn't remember that I told him the baby was his or that he was there when Danny was born."

He nodded. "So, what are you going to do about it? I mean, you'll live in the same house forever as parents of the kids or what? What if any of the two founds someone else? How's that going to work out?"

Sam decided she had to tell the whole story. It was her best chance. "Well, if he remembers," she started and then she lost her courage.

"If he remembers what?"

"No; it doesn't matter."

"Come on, Sam. What did he forget? It's not like you two had something going on before he left that got wiped out with the rest. He's just missing a couple of missions from this side of the world."

Sam did not answer, but her face told a lot.

"Ah, Sam. You _had_ something."

"Not that much," she confirmed with a sigh.

Jack kept waiting for more.

"Okay. The night before he left for Astrada, when I was getting ready to go to Atlantis, I went to see him because he was so worried about that sign… You remember?"

He nodded.

"And I-" she paused, "I got this fear, this panic that I wasn't going to see him again and… we ended up together," she finished in a lower tone of voice.

"You slept together?" he asked directly.

"Yeah."

Jack stood up. That he had not seen coming. "And he doesn't remember _that_?"

"He doesn't remember the whole week and also-"

"Also what?"

"He doesn't know he told me that he was in love with me either."

Jack rubbed his forehead with his hand. A huge headache was in the works. He walked back to his chair and sat down. "Let me put this together, Sam. You never had anything with Daniel until that night, and, suddenly, you two get the urge to sleep together and-"

"It was me. I got the idea."

"Okay, but he didn't complain."

"Actually, he did, but I convinced him."

"He probably didn't need much convincing if he was declaring his love to you."

"No, he didn't need much, but he didn't say that until he was about to go through the gate."

"Okay… And now, you wish he would remember."

"Yes."

"Why don't you just tell him?"

"How am I going to tell him something like that?"

"One word after the other, Carter."

She had to smile. Whenever he was irritated with her, he called her Carter. "I'm not supposed to. Remember the _letting it all come back on its own_?"

"That probably applies to the torture and all that, but this is different." He was about to protest more, when they heard Daniel and Cassie talking close to the kitchen. "We're not done, Sam. We'll keep talking about this another day," Jack warned, before getting a smile on his face and going out to help his friend.


	34. Chapter 34

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 34**

Jack walked toward the hallway.

"How are you doing, buddy?" He asked as soon as he saw Daniel.

"Okay. I'm okay."

Daniel's face did not seem to agree with his words, so Jack guided him to the den and got him to sit down for a while.

"Now," he said, "come clean. Cassie is with Sam in the kitchen. How are you _really_ doing?"

"I'm fine, Jack. I just had to do the deep breathing."

"What deep breathing?"

"You've never broken a rib? I have to cough and take a deep breath at least every hour and then there's some other breathing exercises Keller makes me do twice a day, without the bandage, to avoid getting pneumonia or having some other lung issue."

"And you didn't get painkillers?"

"Yes, I did, but I can't take another dose until an hour from now and it's hurting a little."

Jack looked at the pale face of his friend and repeated, "A little… Yeah, I can see that."

"Jack…," Daniel complained.

Sam and Cassie came into the room at that time and the men stopped talking.

"You know, Daniel," Sam said, "last week we were talking about you and we thought that perhaps you'd like to go back to work. You're still employed at the S.G.C. and, as always, you'll get the lost wages, but if you'd like to…"

"Doing what? After three years, I'm sure there are capable people-"

"Well, you can go back to being part of SG-1, if you want to, as soon as you're healthy, but we thought of something else," Sam said with a smile.

Jack carefully watched Daniel's reactions. They would tell him how he was really doing.

"Sure. What do you need me to do?"

Jack worried immediately. Daniel's voice sounded like the monotonous one he remembered from the day when they had found him on Vis Uban. Daniel was agreeing to please Sam. He did not look enthusiastic as he usually did about his work.

"Look, since I came back from Atlantis," Sam continued, "I've been gathering materials about the Program, beyond what's written in the reports, so that one day someone could write a book with all of that. Cassie has helped me a lot. We have interviews, testimonies, pictures…"

"And you'd like me to write the book?" Daniel asked.

Sam and Cassie smiled widely.

"Landry had already though of you, but we all agree; nobody better than you to do it. Besides, you can start from here, while you're recovering, and go to the base whenever you need. We have less than three months until the Program becomes public, but we're not asking you to finish it by then, _if you accept_. You can even do sections at a time. It's so much work, I know-"

"Okay," he replied with a small smile. "Sounds interesting; I'll do it."

By then Jack was certain that something was very wrong and he was going to find out what.

For the rest of the afternoon, they all talked about what had happened with their friends and the rest of the world while Daniel was gone and then they had an early dinner.

After the meal was over, Jack helped Daniel go back to his room.

"So, are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

"You mean, besides not having any memory of the last three years, mostly because I couldn't deal with it, or besides having so many internal injuries that Keller had to write a list to avoid forgetting explaining something?"

"Oy… If you're going to take it like that…"

"How do you want me to take it?"

"The usual, like nothing happened," Jack tried.

Daniel sighed and sat on the edge of his bed with an expression of pain on his face. "I don't know if I can still do that."

"What happened?" Jack asked.

"I don't remember," Daniel replied with a fake ─patronizing─ smile.

"Come on; something happened today. You're different. What's going on?"

Daniel hesitated; then he gave in. "Before you came, I was reading the Odjods reports about me."

Jack sat on the chair close to the bed with a gesture of impatience. "Why?"

"I need to know. I will remember it any way. I ought to work it out before it feels like it actually happened to me and not just like a horror story in a book."

"What did you read?"

"The beginning only. It's quite detailed, _comprehensive_," he said with clear sarcasm.

"I know. It's pretty graphic," he agreed. "What are you feeling?"

Daniel lowered his head. "I can't stop thinking about all those people I killed."

Jack sighed; he should have guessed. _Guilt_. "Do you really expect me to tell you about it not being _your_ fault and the _survival instinct_ and-"

"Jack, I don't need that. I know all that."

"So?"

"I still killed them."

"If you hadn't, you wouldn't be here."

"But someone else would be home."

"You don't know. Maybe they would have killed him in the next battle. Or a trolley would have run him over when he was going back home… or-"

"A trolley, Jack?" Daniel asked, almost amused.

"You get the _gist_ of it," Jack replied with some irritation.

"I get it, Jack. It's just one more thing to think about. I suppose I'll get over it. I've done ugly things before."

Jack looked dubious.

"What about killing a batch of fresh-from-the-oven symbiotes?"

Jack sighed. "If you hadn't done it, I would have. We couldn't leave them there so that they could enslave more people. It was like exterminating egomaniac cockroaches."

"It was almost like genocide. It was sinking to their level… And what about the Goa'uld summit? I almost became a mass murderer there."

"_Almost_ being the operative word here, Daniel. And, you now what? All those examples fit here because we were _at war_, same as you during those war games."

"That doesn't change-"

"It does. It changes everything."

"It doesn't change how I feel about it. I can see the logic of killing or being killed, but I still feel sorry for all the victims."

"They weren't your victims. You are one of the victims, too. Are you feeling sorry for yourself?"

Daniel shook his head slightly and then sighed. "Maybe."

"Listen, Daniel. The point here is that what's done, _is done_. You can't change it. Now, you have to concentrate on getting better for Sam."

Daniel was surprised. "For Sam?"

Jack realized what he had said. "I mean, she's counting on you to do that book and," he made a gesture that implied what he meant was obvious, "she'll need a lot of help when those kids are born. After all, you're the daddy."

Daniel looked up. "She told you?"

"Yep. Congratulations by the way."

"Not much I did there, but thank you. It was a big shock when I realized. I've been thinking about all that, too. For a while there, I thought I should ask Sam to marry me, you know, before the twins are born, but-"

"That's a great idea, Daniel. You should go for it," Jack tried, thinking he would not have to help in that area at least.

Daniel looked at him stunned. He expected all kinds of objections. "You think?"

"Sure. You two will be great together; I'm sure it will wok out-"

"I didn't mean it like that."

"What?"

"Just as a nominal thing. She's single, with three kids, almost, and the whole world will be looking at her soon. And I'm the father, so I should, I don't know, support her..."

Jack felt disappointed. He _would _have to help with that, too, but not yet. In any case, it was a beginning. "I think you should go ahead anyway, but, now, you need to rest. We'll talk about it tomorrow. I'll come around midday and I'll move into the guest room for the week."

He made sure Daniel had everything he would need for the night and he went home, trying to figure out a way to help his friends.

When he finally made it to his bed, he could not sleep. Too many things had happened in very few days.

First, he had found out that Daniel was alive. He had no hope left by then; he was sure his friend was dead. The news had changed Jack very subtly; it had given him back the chance to believe in miracles, or, at least in _possibilities_.

Second, he had read about all the horrors Daniel had had to endure. Jack had been a war prisoner and he had been tortured many times, but he could not imagine living through the extent of what had been done to Daniel. He was certain that, when he recovered his memories of that time, he would be in need of much help.

Third, Sam had told him about her children. The thought of Daniel being their father had never even crossed his mind. At the beginning, when Teal'c had told him about her pregnancy, he had felt hurt that Sam had chosen to use the sperm of an anonymous donor over the chance of having children with a man she could share her life with, _namely_ him. Then, he had felt relieved that he would not have to go through the experience again. Every time he thought about being a father one more time, the painful memory of the loss of Charlie came rushing to his heart. Later on, after retirement, when he actually had the opportunity to spend time with Danny, all the _beautiful_ memories he had of living with Charlie, for whatever length of time he had been granted, brought him finally the peace he had been missing for so long.

Fourth, and probably what the most had impacted him, he had learned about Daniel and Sam's relationship. It was not much of a relationship, but it was a beginning, and Sam was hoping to go further with it.

There was a very good reason why Daniel had gone to see Sam and not him or Teal'c this time.

Also, many of her attitudes of the last three years looked very different under this new light. It was evident now why Sam had gently avoided giving him any hope when the regulations had finally stopped being an issue between them. It had been a blow, mainly to his ego, but it had not been as tough to get over as he had imagined.

After hours of going over and over the events of the last weeks, he finally fell asleep shortly after he let his mind wander toward his last endeavor. A week after finding out about Daniel, he had called Sara. She was retired, too, but living in Ohio. Nevertheless, they had found that it was easy again to talk to each other. Besides, with the Program becoming public soon, he had had the chance to tell her the truth about it when she had graciously come to visit him. It had been an _old friend_ 'svisit, but he had secretly hoped she would get to be _more_ than his ex-wife. After all, she had never remarried either. He hoped they could get together again and that he could get her to be part of his group of friends. He was certain that they would open their arms to receive her and, finally, his two worlds would become one.


	35. Chapter 35

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 35**

On Monday morning, Sam woke up Daniel very early, before going to work. She brought him breakfast and asked him to take his pain medicine. She wanted to be sure that he was not in pain ─like the day before─ when she helped him with his bandage.

Daniel obeyed her quietly and with a shy smile, but when she came later to start helping him with his deep breathing, his mood had changed and he looked uncomfortable. He was definitely still in pain, though probably less, but there was something else she could not figure out. Unfortunately, she had a heavy day ahead at work and she could not stay home to find out what was happening. Daniel would not let her know easily. It would take much more than just asking him.

With that worry in mind, she went to the S.G.C., leaving Danny with his nanny and Daniel on his own.

When Jack got to the house around noon, bringing lunch, he found Daniel trying to get to the basement.

"What do you need from there? I can go get it," he offered

"I need some of my weights. There's not much Keller allows me to do, but I need to keep in shape."

Jack thought Daniel had been replaced by an alien. It had taken a lot of effort to convince him, many years ago, that if he was to stay in SG-1 he would need to strengthen his body as much as his mind. After he had, at last, agreed to start a physical training program, it had never become something he enjoyed doing, but something he felt he had to do. Why on Earth he was thinking of doing it right now was something Jack could not understand. "You need to _what?_"

Daniel was about to answer, but he stopped right before saying the first word. He opened his mouth and Jack thought he looked baffled. "I don't know."

Jack took him back to the kitchen and gave him a cup of coffee. "Let's see. You were going to the basement to get your training equipment because…?"

Daniel thought for a while. "I've been feeling this need to keep in shape," he started, "like my life depends on it. It was one of the first things I asked Keller, what I could do. I even kept a basic routine while I was with the Furlings." He grimaced. "I couldn't do much, but I felt like I had to."

Jack sat down with a sigh. "You haven't read the whole thing, have you?"

"No."

"Well, you had a very rigorous training in the last months you spent there." He stopped. "Don't tell anyone I told you. They are all into the "_let him remember_" thing."

Daniel nodded.

"You were one of the few _chosen_. When they found out you had ratted them out to the Furlings, they decided to teach you a lesson… more like _a few_."

Daniel lowered his head.

"That's why you're hurt."

"So you think I was brainwashed into following the training routine or do you think I was keeping it up to survive or fight the _teachings_?"

"Either way, it would make sense, but you're not in danger anymore and you look in pretty good shape. You don't have to do it, but I don't see any harm in keeping it as long as it doesn't cause more harm than good. I'd let it go for a while, though, at least until the ribs have healed."

Daniel looked at the muscles of his arm. "I don't need to be in _this _shape,"

"Would impress the ladies…" Jack joked.

Daniel smiled and Jack felt better. He served the lunch he had brought and they chatted while they ate. He wanted to keep Daniel from dwelling on what he had been through lately, so the rest of the day he tried to keep him talking about the book he was going to write. They remembered good times and hairy situations. Jack made suggestions about incidents he thought should be included in the book and Daniel carefully took notes.

He was relieved that he could, at least, remember all those years.

A couple of hours before dinner time, they let the babysitter go to spend some time playing with Danny. It was a new experience for Daniel. His first morning with his son he had felt the need to share something with him and he had ended up teaching him sentences in various languages. Afterwards, he had thought he had behaved more like a professor than the father of a two-year old boy. Now, enjoying as he watched Jack and Danny rolling on the floor and building colorful towers with blocks, he started to grasp the concept. He knew innumerable games that had passed from generation to generation in the different cultures he had studied and he could share them with Danny. That did not mean he would not still teach him…

When Sam came home with Cassie, they all had dinner together. Sam carefully observed Daniel during the meal. He seemed to have overcome his discomfort toward her and he was smiling a lot. She also watched him interact with Danny. It reassured her that she had not been wrong when choosing him as the father of her children. Just looking at him as he helped his son learn how to use the fork correctly, with such tenderness and care, made her feel joyous.

After dinner, Sam helped Daniel with his breathing exercise one more time and, again, she felt he was uncomfortable with her. She started getting seriously worried.

Daniel went to bed early, but he was unable to sleep. He lay awake there for hours, fearful that, if he closed his eyes, the same images he had dreamt of the night before would come back. They had not been anything bad, not even erotic if he thought about it, but his dreams had been filled with images of Sam.

It had not been an everyday Sam either. It had been a _tender_ Sam, whispering encouraging words in his ear; caressing his face with soft hands; kissing his closed eyes; lying, snuggled up against him, under the covers.

He knew they could not be memories resurfacing after the block. If he had had something with Sam, it would have happened before he went to Astrada and the memories should be there with all the rest.

He remembered having come to accept that he loved Sam as a woman and not only as a friend, but that had been many years before and, because Sam had never showed any interest on him, he had learned to live hiding his love for her.

He could only blame his breathing exercises for the whole problem. It was Sam's tender touch every time she unwrapped and re-wrapped the elastic bandages that had brought up all the repressed desires and caused the dreams. He felt so awfully guilty about having those inappropriate thoughts about her, after so many years of avoiding them, that he decided to start going to the S.G.C. to work in his office to get the chance of a nurse helping him instead of Sam. It was going to be a test of sorts. If the dreams stopped, it would be because he had severed their cause. If they came back, he would have to dig deeper or find another solution to the problem. Dreaming every night with her would not make his living in her house easy.

With that thought in mind, he finally fell asleep.

The next morning, when Sam went into the kitchen to make breakfast, she found Daniel had already fixed it for everybody.

"Wow! What time did you get up?"

"I couldn't sleep very well, so I thought I'd come do something more useful than just lying there."

"Have you taken your medicine?"

"Yeah, but don't worry about the breathing. I'm going to the S.G.C. to get started with the book and Keller will take a look, so I'll do it in the Infirmary."

"Okay."

She sat down and started drinking her glass of milk. She watched Daniel as he limped around the kitchen with one hand on his crutch and one working on the breakfast. She was not entirely surprised that he wanted Jennifer to help him with the bandages. She had noticed how uncomfortable he had been the day before. She wondered if it was just due to the pain or if it was her touch that made him uncomfortable. If he was in love with her, perhaps he was bothered by such proximity and, perhaps, she could use that to her advantage. Maybe if she found different ways to get closer to him, he would remember what had happened between them or he would allow himself to confess, again, his true feelings for her. Telling him about hers could be another good option.

She finished her milk and asked him, "Do you want to go with me?"

"No, thanks; don't worry. Jack will drive me there. He has something to do at the S.G.C, too; something about a trip he needs to do to Washington."

Sam nodded. She knew about that. In any case, she would get more chances to be alone with him. She was not in a hurry.


	36. Chapter 36

**Memories of the Heart **by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 36**

**_A.N. Warning. Talk about torture._**

**_I decided to add back some parts of the story I had taken out before posting to avoid making the story too long. The additions start on Chapter 30. I will post it complete from now on._**

That afternoon, Sam did not feel very well. She was a bit dizzy and very nauseous, so she decided to go home early. She called Cam, left him in charge, and left.

She had been sick every single morning since she had gotten pregnant, but, usually, she felt better in the afternoons. She knew this week was going to be different. On Friday she would have an amniocentesis and, among other tests, her amniotic fluid would be sent for genetic analysis to figure out if her babies were healthy. As her pregnancy was a high risk one ─she was over forty years old and she was expecting twins─ Jennifer had recommended that she had the procedure done. This test was the one she feared the most, but it was not the fact that she was going to have a needle inserted in her abdomen to extract the fluid that she dreaded, but the waiting for the results. It had been nerve-wracking during Danny's pregnancy ─with a first pregnancy at almost forty Jennifer had considered it necessary─ and after getting the satisfactory results she had still cried for hours. She was not sure if it had been due to happiness or relief, or just the hormonal revolution of a pregnancy, but she had not been able to avoid it.

She wondered if Daniel would agree to go with her this time; he would give her the support she needed.

After she got home, she let the nanny go and sat in the living-room with Danny. She felt very comfortable in the large sofa that was close to the foyer. It was deep and long and allowed her to have space for both of them. Soon, Danny was taking a nap on her lap. She stretched on the sofa and carefully cradled him between the backrest and her body. In a few minutes she was asleep, too.

She probably had slept for a couple of hours, when a faint noise woke her up. She had been waking up at the slightest disturbance since Danny had been born, so she was not surprised. She paid attention and realized it was the tingling of keys in a keychain and, a shortly after, the unmistakable sound of a key turning in the door. She was amazed at the soothing sensation that she got out of thinking that Daniel was coming back home. She could not remember the last time she had given the key of her house to anyone, that was, to someone who would come into the house _for her_ and not because she had been shoot or gotten stranded during a mission. She realized Daniel was not coming for her _yet_, but after three years of almost hopeless wait, at least, he was coming.

Daniel and Jack walked into the foyer and she called out to them.

"Cam said you were sick," Daniel explained before even saying hello, "so we decided to come check up on you. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine. I think I was just too tired."

Their voices woke up Danny, who asked for cookies.

"Let me help you," Jack said as he picked Danny up. "I'll take him to the kitchen and we'll get some milk and cookies."

"It's almost dinner time," Sam reminded him.

"We'll take care of that, too. You two relax for a while. We'll let you know when we're ready."

"Are you okay?" Daniel asked as soon as Jack and Danny left the room.

"Yes, I'm fine. Why don't you sit here, by my side? I don't want you to start hurting."

She started to sit up and Daniel stopped her.

"Wait. Let's try this." He put his crutch against an armchair, picked up the pillow that had been under Sam's head, squeezed himself in its place, put the pillow on his legs, and then helped Sam lie back down with her head on it.

Sam smiled. "What are you doing?"

"I think you've been doing the brave single mother routine for too long. You need to be spoiled a little. Jack and I will take care of you, not the other way around."

"You're sick; you need someone to take care of you."

"I'm doing great." He fixed her long hair on the pillow. "Now, are you comfortable or do you need to lie in a different position?"

"I'm very comfortable."

"Good." He stretched his left hand and held one of hers. "Let's talk about what's upsetting you."

"What do you mean?"

"In all the years I've known you, you've never gone home because you were feeling sick. You've stayed at work with bandages all over you and under so much medicine that I don't know if you knew your name… but you kept working."

Sam smiled. "I must be getting older."

"Sam…"

"Okay. It's the amnio. It's on Friday and I'm already worried."

"Why?"

"I'm old, seriously. There are more risks for the children."

Daniel sighed softly. "Would you love your children any less if they weren't perfectly normal? Especially now that you've met Danny, can you imagine denying a child like him the right to be born just because he's not perfect?"

Sam got very serious. "I wasn't considering the chance of aborting them. I can feel them here," she touched her belly. "I'm just scared. I don't want anything to happen to them."

"Let me put it this way, if anything goes wrong, this time I'll be there and I'll stay. I'll take responsibility, whatever happens."

"I'm not asking you to do that."

"You don't need to ask. Just stop worrying. At this point, whatever the results are, there's not much we can do to change them, so we'll wait together. On Friday, I'll go with you and then, we'll see. You don't have to do this alone anymore, okay?"

"Okay."

"And,_ if _something goes wrong, then we'll talk about what to do. There's no point on worrying now, because we don't know and because it's not in our hands either."

Sam nodded softly. She understood that he was right, but the fear was not going away. Nevertheless, she was feeling much better.

"_You don't have to do this alone_," she suddenly said.

"What?"

"That's what you said, when Cassie was sick."

"And you remember?"

"Of course I remember, Daniel. You've always been there when I needed you."

"Don't be exaggerated. I'm sure not always."

Sam smiled and squeezed his hand. "You said you were going to spoil me. Don't contradict me."

Daniel smiled, too. "Okay."

He felt like stroking her hair, but right then Jack called them to dinner and Sam slowly stood up. Then, she helped him walk to the kitchen.

After dinner, Jack and Daniel took care of Danny and made sure Sam went to bed early. The little boy stayed up for a while longer, but then fell asleep while they were watching a cartoon movie together.

Daniel went to bed, too, but, one more time, he could not sleep for hours. He was feeling awfully tired, but he could not get himself to close his eyes and try to sleep. The dreams about Sam had come back the night before and they had seemed so real, that he had found it difficult not to think about them every time he looked at her. It had taken much effort to behave normally with her during the day. Going to work had given him a reprieve, but once at home, everything had come back.

Insomnia got so bad that night, that ultimately he decided to get up and go to the other room to work on the book. Around four in the morning, he finally felt so exhausted that he started having trouble keeping his eyes open. He went back to bed and soon he fell asleep.

When he opened his eyes again, he was on top of a stretcher. His wrists and his ankles were strapped to the stretcher and he was unable to move. He looked around and he realized he was inside a spacious room, but he did not recognize it. It was very cold and he had started shivering. Every shiver brought pain to many places in his body, but strangely not to his usually tender rib area. He tried to move his broken leg and he realized that he no longer had the cast.

Could he have fallen into a coma or something similar? How long had it been since he was last awake?

Some light was starting to come through the window, so it was probably the early morning hours. He looked up and saw that the ceiling was covered with a sheet of metal. He could see his reflection, but it was not very clear. He saw that he had no clothes but for a sheet over his abdomen and the top of his legs. There were dark bruises everywhere on his body and he was connected to several machines through catheters and electrodes.

Slowly, his mind started filling with a deep-seeded sense of dread. He closed his eyes and the memory of excruciating pain made his breath hitch. He swiftly opened his eyes, but nothing had changed. He was still alone in the room. Nonetheless, now he knew what was coming; he knew what was going to cause the pain and he also knew that he would not be able to avoid it.

His eyes filled with tears. He did not want to go through that again. It had happened so many times…

Why was it so difficult to concentrate? Why was his mind so obstinately clinging to his body, a body that had survived through a torment he had never imagined could be tolerated? He wished he could ascend, even if he never got his body back, and, if that was not possible, he just wanted to die. He had tried to hang on because he wished to have the chance of seeing his son Daniel again, but now he was too tired. Sam would understand if she knew. The only true comfort he had was that she would never know what he had been through all that time. Oh, blessed be the blissful ignorance…

He heard steps approaching. He tried to lift his head, but it was impossible to move. The drugs had taken effect. He was paralyzed, but he had not lost any of his senses. He remembered his sixth grade teacher dissecting a frog. She had used a needle to paralyze the small animal so that she could open it while the organs were still functioning and all the students could learn. He recalled the little heart beating… He had though it was barbaric and he had been called to the principal's office for writing a paper against vivisection.

These days _he_ was the guinea pig; he was the frog. If he could just die and stop it all… but he was still breathing and the monsters were already around him. It was about to start. It was about to start. It was about to start.


	37. Chapter 37

**Memories of the Heart** by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been closed his eyes. He did not want to see. He could remember enough.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 37**

**_A.N. I apologize for the delay. I had an accident and it made it all harder. I hope to update faster again. Thanks!_**

The cold metal on his chest confirmed his suspicions. _Please, not again… Not again._

He could not breathe. He needed air. He had to get out of there, _please_.

He gathered all his strength and pulled his upper body away from the stretcher. To his surprise, he was free to do it, but, as soon as he took his next breath, the pain in his chest made him fall back down. He opened his eyes and saw that the room was in complete darkness. He tried to figure out if he had been left alone; he could not see anyone else.

He carefully sat up again, holding his hand to his chest. He realized he was wearing a bandage. He closed his eyes and stretched his other hand. There it was, his nightstand. He reached the small lamp on it and turned it on.

He was in his room, in Sam's house.

His breathing slowly returned to normal. When the pain subsided enough, he got up and walked to his office. He sat at his desk and opened a drawer. He took out a binder with papers, found his bookmark in it, and resumed reading where he had stopped on Sunday.

He needed to know it all. He was not going to allow the memories to catch him unprepared ever again. Otherwise, he would not remain sane.

Around six in the morning, Sam walked into the kitchen and found Teal'c preparing breakfast.

"Teal'c? What are you doing here at this time in the morning?"

"I have been instructed to spoil you," he replied calmly.

Sam smiled and was about to protest, when he stopped her.

"It is an honor to take care of you, Samantha."

Sam smiled again. "I think you three have gone insane."

"CameronMitchell, Paul Davis, and ValaMaldoran have also been assigned to your detail," Teal'c corrected her. "We have all agreed that you did an admirable job during your first pregnancy, but there are different circumstances this time."

"Thank you, Teal'c." She walked to him and hugged him.

Teal'c was surprised. "You seem in need of comfort, too."

She chuckled; "Yeah, probably. Too many things going on… You know," she added.

"I understand. Would it help you of I talked to DanielJackson?"

"No, no… I'm not going to say anything yet. We'll give him a little bit more time. I don't want to pressure him. Maybe his feelings have changed. Who knows?"

"I believe that his feelings for you have remained unaltered."

"Thanks, Teal'c… I hope so."

Sam sat to have breakfast. Cassie came shortly after.

"Are you ready, Cassie?"

"Are you kidding me? I'm so ready. I can't wait for my first mission to start!"

"I'm glad you are. You haven't been off-world in a very long time."

"Yeah… I've been thinking that maybe I'll ask you to let me go home. Look around. Bring back some memories…"

"Do you really want to go?"

"Some days I do. Others, not so much."

"We can talk about it after this mission."

"Okay." She looked around. "Where are Daniel and Jack?"

"They left an hour ago," Teal'c replied.

"Do you know where they were going?"

"Indeed."

"And? You're not going to tell us?"

"I was instructed not to reveal their destination."

Sam smiled and Cassie gave up.

"Jack's going to Washington today. He asked me to bring Daniel back after work. I don't know what they could be doing together," Sam told her.

"Is Jack coming back this evening?"

"No, tomorrow."

Cassie made an expressive gesture and whispered to Sam, "Ohh… You'll be alone tonight…"

"Danny is going to be here," Sam replied.

"But he could go to bed earlier."

Sam shook her head with a smile. Cassie looked at Teal'c, who had probably heard every word, and saw that he was thinking the same she was; they had to find a way to give Sam and Daniel some time on their own.

That night Daniel lay awake in bed one more time. He was not sure if dreaming of Sam was a problem anymore. Another nightmare like the one from the night before would be far worse.

Everything he had read on the report of his captivity had disturbed him, but he had been able to go through it all. He had not finished it during the night, so he had taken the papers to the base and he had spent the whole day reading. All the knowledge was in his head now, but he still had very few actual memories of it. More than anything, he remembered sensations. Certain smells, certain voices, many forms of pain.

While he was reading, he had felt sick in more than one occasion. After rushing twice to the bathroom to vomit ─the pain in his chest had just added more stress─ he had abandoned the idea of keeping any food down. He had just spent the day with a bottle of water by his side and the papers in his hands.

Before leaving for Washington, Jack had spent an hour discussing the documents with him. Daniel was certain that Jack had been mostly gauging his state of mind, but it had been very helpful to be able to express out loud some of his feelings about what he had read.

Now lying in his bed, he had to admit that it had not really sunk in yet. It had felt like he was reading a fiction book, not the story of his last three years of life. He was concerned about what would happen when he became the main character in his own mind.

Around two in the morning, he finally fell asleep, overcome by exhaustion. An hour later he woke up feeling awfully cold. His first thought was that he was in the middle of a nightmare, but he stretched his hand toward the nightstand just in case. Surprisingly, the nightstand was there and so was the lamp. He turned the light on, but he could not find anything out of place. He heard some noises in the hallway and slowly walked toward the door of his room. He was about to open it, when someone knocked.

"Hey, Daniel, are you awake?"

He opened the door and startled Sam on the other side.

"Sorry; I was about to go see what was going on."

"It's okay. I just came to tell you that the central heating has stopped working. I went down and checked, but I couldn't restart it. We'll have to call someone in the morning. We changed the air conditioning system last year, but the heating wasn't as old. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry. It'll be okay."

"Do you want some extra blankets? I'm taking Danny to my bed, to try to keep him warm. I just checked and it's 33° outside and it seems that it's going down; it will get worse in here."

"You said that Jack brought most of my linens from the basement when I moved in. Where did he put them?"

Sam thought for a second. "I think they're in the other room's closet."

"I used to have an electric blanket. You can have it if it's there and it works."

Daniel went into his studio and came back with the blanket. Sam took it and thanked him. She was about to go back to her room when she stopped and asked him, "Why don't you come with us? There's plenty of space for the three of us."

Daniel hesitated for a second and then nodded. He picked up a sweater and walked with her.

Once in the main bedroom, Sam put Danny in the middle of the bed, between them. Daniel was surprised by the fact that Danny did not even blink; he kept sleeping as if nothing had happened.

He was not as lucky as his son. Lying there, so close to Sam, brought back all his feelings for her. He had tried so hard not to think of her all night… Now she was right there with him; he could hear her breathing softly, moving under the covers, trying to keep Danny warm.

In the morning, right after going through hundreds of pages of horrible reports, he had felt the need to start over, to begin a new phase in his life. He had asked Jack to go with him and he had bought wedding rings to propose to Sam. However, after a whole day of reading, he was not sure anymore that he would ever be fit for anything again. What would happen if all those memories came back and he was not able to deal with them? His image in the recording made by the Furlings still haunted him. He was one step from falling into madness.

Yet, her close presence gave him new hope. If he could gather enough courage to ask her how she felt about him, maybe they could work something out. They had been friends for so many years; they knew each other so well; maybe there was a chance that she would be willing to give the idea of the family a try…

Sam was not sleeping either. She knew he was awake and she worried about why. She did not think it was the cold. They were pretty comfortable at that point. Maybe it was what he had read ─Jack had called to warn her─ or the few memories that had started coming back. Perhaps it was because of her.

Was he still in love with her? He certainly loved Danny; she could see it in every one of his gesture's when he was close to his child. He also seemed to already love the children she was expecting. But, what about her? He had not shown any signs of his feelings for her. On the other hand, he had hidden those for the longest time. It would be easier if she could tell him how she felt, if she could make him understand that everything he would ever need was right there on that bed, in that room… She just needed to be sure that it still was everything he _wanted_.


	38. Chapter 38

**Memories of the Heart** by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been closed his eyes. He did not want to see. He could remember enough.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 38**

"No, no, no, no…"

Sam was not sure if she had heard something of if she had been dreaming. Used to always sleeping alone, it took her a few seconds to remember Daniel was in her room.

"No, no, no, no… Please, no…"

She was certain this time. She had heard it. It was almost a whisper, pleading, begging, imploring.

"Please…"

Two words, repeated over and over, telling her so much…

She sat up in bed and turned on the light. Danny was stretched in the middle of the bed, comfortably sleeping under the covers, with his head on her lap and his feet propped against Daniel's back.

Daniel was at the edge of the bed, curled in a fetal position, his knees against his chest, his arms wrapped around them.

Sam felt her heart shrink. She had imagined that he could have nightmares, but to witness that moment was very different.

She got up, moved Danny to her spot and put a pillow by his side to stop him from reaching the edge. Then, she walked to the other side of the bed and knelt by Daniel's side.

She touched his arm very softly. "Hey," she whispered, "Daniel. Daniel, wake up; you're having a nightmare."

It took a few more seconds of prodding and calling him until he finally blinked awake. His breathing was fast and he looked disoriented.

"You were having a nightmare. You're okay now."

"Okay," he whispered.

"I'm going to turn off my light, but move a little," Sam said, making a gesture. "I'll sit here when I come back."

Daniel turned to check where Danny was.

"He'll be fine. He's on my side."

Daniel slowly moved toward the center of the bed as she went to turn off the light. Then, she walked back and sat on his spot with her back against the headboard. She put a pillow on her lap.

"Now, come here," she said. "Lay your head on this pillow."

Daniel obeyed her without a complaint.

"Danny likes to sleep like this when he has a nightmare," she said.

His breathing was calmer. "I'm a little bit bigger than him," he tried.

"I'll soon be bigger than the two of you together, so don't even try that."

"Has he already had nightmares?" He asked with worry.

"A couple of times. There are some cartoons around that would even give me nightmares. Sometimes I have trouble checking everything that comes out of that T.V."

"I'll help you whenever I can."

Sam stroked his hair softly. "Okay."

He sighed contentedly.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He hesitated. "Not really."

"At least tell me if maybe it was a memory," she asked him.

"Yes… I'm pretty sure. I'm sorry I woke you up."

"Come on, Daniel. How many times have you helped me through my own nightmares? I still remember many missions after the Shavadai or after Jolinar… Jack used to put us in the same tent so that you'd have to deal with them."

Daniel chuckled. "I remember. After I got in trouble, he'd make me stay with Teal'c." Then, he got serious. "I'm glad you recovered from those experiences."

"You will, too. We'll all help as much as we can. I've read the whole report, so you can talk about it, if you want."

"We'll wake him up," he said.

"Danny? A Goa'uld shock grenade would not wake him up, but, if I left the room, he'd be out of bed in two minutes. I think he has a device in his head to constantly track my position," she said with a smile.

"We can talk tomorrow. Don't worry." He started moving away from her.

"Come back here," she said as he pulled him back towards her.

"You can't spend the night sitting there."

"You wouldn't want to know how I've spent some nights since the first time I got pregnant. Pain, nausea, baby colic…"

"But you don't _have_ to do this one," he said without trying to get up.

"I don't mind." She stroked his hair again. "It's funny the feeling of your hair so short; it used to feel different," she said without thinking too much.

"What do you mean? You remember how my hair felt before?" Daniel asked with surprise.

Sam realized her mistake. "Well, for starters, it looked very different, especially when I met you. I'm sure I've touched it along the years, for one reason or other."

"It feels good," he said, settling back on the pillow. "I can't remember the last time anyone did that."

_"I wish you did,"_ Sam thought and continued her caress in the hopes of bringing back a little memory.

Daniel sighed.

"What?"

"Nothing. Just thinking."

"Tell me."

He hesitated. "Maybe I should move out of here."

Sam panicked. Thousands of ideas crossed her mind in seconds, from Daniel not loving her anymore to Daniel having interest in someone else. "Why?" She managed to ask.

"You don't know how I was before they blocked my memories. That wasn't even me… I don't want to be close to both of you if it happens again."

"If you stay close to us, it won't happen. We're here to help you. You need to talk about it. You have to talk to the psychiatrist at the base, anything to avoid getting to that point-"

"Sam, Sam… Take it easy. It was just a thought. I haven't decided anything yet."

Sam felt she was choking. She had so many things to tell him, she felt so much for him, but most of it had to be kept unsaid. "Promise me you won't leave."

Daniel thought for a few seconds before answering. "I can promise I won't leave without talking about it."

Sam was not happy, but she had to let it go. "Okay, thanks. Now, you need to rest. Go to sleep. I'll stay here."

"You need to sleep, too."

"I'll be fine. I've gotten used to sleeping a lot less in the last two years."

Daniel laughed softly. "Motherhood, eh?"

"Yep."

"As I said before, I'll help with that."

"You'll enjoy it; you'll see."

"I already do." He sighed again and closed his eyes. He thought there would be not many more chances like that one. He would enjoy every second of closeness to Sam.


	39. Chapter 39

**Memories of the Heart** by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been closed his eyes. He did not want to see. He could remember enough.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 39**

Sam would not have slept even if she had been comfortably lying on bed. She had kept calm while talking to Daniel, but, as soon as she turned the lights off, she started falling apart; completely overwhelmed. She had such deep feelings for him, but she was not allowed to say a word. She had to fix that. What would happen if she did not bring up their past and just confessed her feelings for him as something new? It would be a lie, in a way, but she found it pretty justifiable. Daniel had to understand that, not matter what he was going through, she was willing to stay with him all the way.

She suddenly thought of something she had not considered before. If this had happened to her and someone else, what would have Daniel advised her to do? He probably would have said that she had cried enough, that she needed to dry her eyes and make a resolution. Either she was going to fight for what she wanted or she was going to move ahead without him.

That was exactly what Jack had been saying all along and also what her father would have said. She knew what she had to do; she was going to fight for him.

For a moment she felt like she was inside a soap opera, living a weird life that was not hers. It used to be so simple; go to work, fight the enemy, learn about some new technology, and come back home to regain strength. Now she was in a place she had never imagined, a mother of three children and a woman desperately in love with a man who could not know it. That last part had to change.

Thursday was a busy day. Daniel stayed home and waited for the repairmen to come fix the central heating. They had to replace the main components of the system with new ones and it almost took all day.

As he sat in the kitchen waiting for the work to be done, Daniel felt that everything was getting worse. His nightmares were terrifying and, though he knew what they meant, it scared him that all that would make him lose his mind. He felt he was in a dark place, like an endless night, like the nights of the first months in that monstrous planet. He did not remember the nights that followed those yet, but he was certain it would happen soon. Reading the documents had brought hundreds of memories back. The fact that he was back home, protected and safe, had helped him face them more than anything. Then, there was Danny; he was the main reason to fight his depression. He did not want his son to grow up fatherless, like he had. Now that he was back, he had to try to stay.

Then there was Sam. He had to make a decision soon about her. If he was going to ask her to marry him, he had to make sure what the terms or conditions would be. He did not want her to have to go through something that would make her unhappy.

In a word, he would have to fight his own demons on his own and, if he came out victorious, he would have a chance at becoming part of their lives.

That night, Sam felt very lonely in her bed. She changed sides several times and then decided it was useless. It was not the same if she could not hold Daniel or even take care of little Danny. There was no one else she wanted. Without them, she felt lost. She had to start planning what to do fast, because if Daniel left, it would be much harder to accomplish anything.

On Friday morning, Sam and Daniel went to the Infirmary very early to get the amniocentesis done. In order to avoid hurting the baby, Sam needed to get an ultrasound done during the procedure. Though Daniel was holding her hand all the time, Sam realized that his eyes were glued to the small screen.

"What do you think? There are two in there; isn't that amazing?"

He turned to look at her. "It's beautiful."

Jennifer smiled. "As soon as I'm done with this, I let you look around more. We can show you some things now. You'll see more as they keep growing."

Daniel nodded and went back to look at the screen.

Sam smiled at Jennifer. That was good, very good.

After they were done, Jennifer explained that she would have some of the results ready on Monday, but others would take longer. Sam remembered from the last time and could not avoid starting to worry about it. Daniel was very supportive and that helped her deal with it at least for the remainder of the day.

When Jack arrived from Washington that afternoon, he went straight to talk to Sam. He asked how she had been doing with Daniel, after two nights on their own in the house, and Sam told him that Daniel was thinking about leaving them.

Jack got upset. He got up from his chair and started walking around her office. "Listen to me, Sam. If you don't talk to him, I will. This is becoming stupid. I don't care what the Furlings or the doctors have to say. I don't think it could be bad to remember something _good_ after all the _bad_ things he's already remembering."

"I think you're right."

"No, you have to-" he paused and looked at her. "You think I'm right?"

"Yes."

"Okay… So, are you going to tell him or do you want me to do it?"

"I'll try. If it doesn't work, I'll ask for your help."

"What can I do?"

"I don't know. I have the weekend to do it. I promised myself to have it solved by Monday. I just need to be sure of what he feels. I don't want to put a heavier load on him than he already has."

Jack went back to his chair and thought for a while. "If I tell you something, to help you, would you keep the secret? I don't want him to feel I betrayed him."

Sam nodded.

"He bought the rings."

"What rings?"

"To ask you to marry him."

Sam was stunned. "Seriously? Did he tell you anything about what he feels? He's probably thinking that it's the right thing to do, now that I have his children."

"He does, but there's more. He didn't down right tell me that he was in love with you, but I figured out why he hasn't asked you yet."

"Because he's afraid of going mad."

"No. Because he thinks the desire to marry is a selfish one, that he'll be the one most benefited by it. He thinks that if you accept it won't be because you love him."

"Why then?"

"I think he has many answers to that, none including anything beyond great friendship."

Sam was not surprised. That sounded like Daniel. "Okay. So, I have to tell him now."

"Yeah." He was about to stand up and leave, when he thought of something. "Hey, Sara is coming to visit for the weekend. I promised her I would introduce her to all of you, especially Danny. Maybe we can all have dinner together tonight and then we can take Danny with us for the rest of the weekend."

"Jack, I'm sure she doesn't want to have to share you with Danny. You told me that you were thinking about getting back together, so I think what you need is to be on your own."

"Sara and I are always on our own. We have to try being with other people, mingling with friends, you know…"

Sam smiled.

"Cassie can come with us. She's going to be back this evening. I'm planning to spend some time looking for a bigger house in town. What I have is only good for myself. I heard my old house is for sale, the one I bought after we divorced."

"You're serious about it," Sam said.

"Yeah… Besides, Minnesota is very lonely without Teal'c," he joked.

Sam smiled again. "I appreciate the offer. It would help if I could just concentrate on Daniel for a while, but I've never been away from Danny for so long and I still think that Sara and you need your space, too."

Jack thought for a while. "What about if I take them all to a big hotel, Teal'c included? It's only for a couple of days. You'll survive without Danny."

Sam hesitated for a while, but then relented.

That night, the dinner went well and Sara got to be formally introduced to those she had met long ago ─during that painful episode with the blue crystals─ and to meet all the new people in Jack's life. She was delighted with Danny and intrigued by Teal'c. She had a hard time liking Rodney, but Jennifer was an interesting young woman. Cameron and Vala made her think of a long-married couple and she foresaw something else coming out of their relationship. Paul was simply a gentleman and Sara caught Cassie looking at him with strange fascination.

What most intrigued her were Sam and Daniel. She had a special interest in meeting Sam. She had heard enough about her from Jack to understand that he had some deep feelings for her. On the other hand, she was certain he had very deep feelings for Daniel, too. Even for Teal'c. She did not want to imagine what the four of them had been through together to get such a strong connection among them, but she was starting to appreciate it the more she heard about the Program.

She concluded that Daniel and Sam were in love, but there was something between them keeping them apart. She understood why Jack wanted to leave them on their own. Maybe they could work out their problems. Though she was not sure about taking care of Danny during the weekend, Cassie would be there to help and it would make Jack happy. She really wanted him to be happy. Sometimes he even resembled the one she had married so long ago.

Later that night, after everyone had left ─including Danny─ and everything had been cleaned up, Daniel walked into the kitchen and found Sam sitting at the table and biting an apple. She looked sad. She was probably missing Danny.

"Hey, what are you doing?" He asked as he approached her.

She looked at him as if she had not noticed him before. "Ah… Hi. I was hungry. I'm always hungry lately. You know…"

"Yep." He sat facing her. "What were you thinking about?"

She made a funny gesture, unsure about revealing her thoughts. Then she sighed and, shrugging her shoulders, she answered, "Sex."

Daniel took a few seconds. "The sex of the babies?' he tried.

Sam smiled. "I'm sorry. It must be the hormones. No, not that. Sex. You know, between a man and a woman…"

"Oh… Okay. That's fine."

"I've been thinking a lot about it lately. Surely the hormones," she said and bit her apple one more time.

Daniel felt a bit uncomfortable. "You need to find someone to share your life, Sam, seriously. I mean, I think it's great that you decided it was time to have children, but it's always good to have someone else, especially at this point in your life."

Sam smiled. _Great. He was diffusing the situation; passing the ball onto someone else's court._ She could not just come up and kiss him or tell him, _"Hey, you already said you loved me."_ She had never been good at diplomacy. That was _his_ field of expertise.

"You're right. Sure."

He looked down. "Not helping, eh?"

"Hey, it's not your fault. I shouldn't have brought it up."

"No, it's alright. We've always told each other everything."

"This is different. It's not like you can help."

"No…"

She nodded. It was frustrating. She was not going anywhere with him. It was the first time they were alone in the house and they did not know what to do with each other. Well, _she_ knew what she wanted to do and he did not remember that it was okay to do what _he _wanted. She would have to think of a more appealing way of telling him about them. Tomorrow, when she was not so tired.

She got up. "I should go to bed. Good night, Daniel"

"Good night, Sam." He stood by the table and watched her go.

She was almost by her bedroom door when he caught up with her. "Sam," he called her.

"What?" She turned and looked at him.

He sighed and looked down as whenever he felt defeated. "You were asking me, right?"

_Well, yeah. You are dense sometimes._ "Don't worry, Daniel. It wasn't right."

"No, no. Think about it. I _am_ the father of your children and, thought I didn't do much in that area, it kind of looks like I would be the right-" He was talking fast, but he stopped himself. "No; you're right."

"Daniel," Sam tried.

"No. It's just that it's not fair."

"What's not fair?"

He hesitated. "I_ want_ to… help you. It's not that I'll be selflessly-"

"Daniel," she said again.

He stopped and looked at her.

"Listen to me, Daniel. I was just thinking that it's weird that we're going to have the twins and we haven't- I mean… We're not- Maybe _sex_ was too blunt to put it into words, but we _do _love each other, we're still best friends, we have one son together and two on the way… I'm not asking for anything else here; we're not getting married this week. I just think it could work between us, if we give ourselves permission."

"Maybe we _should_ get married this week." He put his hand in his pocket.

"No," she said and stopped his hand from coming out of the pocket. "This is about something different. Before we get there, I want to be sure about other things."

He was surprised. Did she know he had the rings in his pocket? "What?"

She sighed. "This seemed a lot easier the last time." She approached him, held his face between her hands and kissed him.

Daniel was shocked, but thought it would be better to go along.

"There," she said as she let him go.

"The last time?" he asked.

"After I got pregnant with Danny I used to think of that night we had together and imagine we conceived him right then. I'd really like to have at least one night for the twins."

"That night?"

"I understand that you don't remember it. I just can't deal with it tonight. We can talk about it tomorrow." She opened the door of her room.

"Sam! Just tell me. We've been together before?"

She sighed impatiently. "Yes and you said you loved me. _Do you still love me, Daniel_?"


	40. Chapter 40

**Memories of the Heart** by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been closed his eyes. He did not want to see. He could remember enough.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 40**

He looked stunned. He was about to say something when she put a finger on his lips.

"Don't. Don't say anything. This is all wrong. I shouldn't have said it like that. It's something too important for me to treat it so lightly."

He carefully grabbed her hand. "We still need to talk about it. Are you sure you're too tired? We can sit down and-"

"Okay." She pushed the door and got into her room. He followed her. She sat on the bed, with her back against the headboard like she had done it two nights before.

Daniel sat on the edge and put his crutches on the floor. As Sam was not saying anything, he decided to start. "So… I told you I was in love with you."

Sam nodded quietly.

"Okay… Did I say for how long or anything else?"

She shook her head.

He tried to see if there was any memory of that in his head, but nothing came. He noticed she was looking down. "You seem very uncomfortable, Sam. Do you want me to go and we talk tomorrow?"

She shook her head again. Then, she sighed. "I'm sorry. I feel very vulnerable talking about these things. I'm not good at this. I might even be worse than Jack," she tried to joke, but her eyes filled with tears.

"You're doing fine, Sam," he said as he approached her and sat by her side to be able to pass his arm around her back. "You're also pregnant and that makes you more emotional. Besides, this isn't your fault. I'm the one who doesn't remember."

She did not reply, but a little sob escaped from her mouth.

Daniel pulled her closer to him and she rested her head on his shoulder. "Okay. Let's see how I say this."

Sam shivered. She did not like how that sounded.

"Hey, are you cold? Do you want to get in bed?"

"No. Just get it over with. What do you want to say?"

Daniel realized he was not fair. "Listen, Sam. Ever since I came back from ascension, I've known you were something more than a teammate for me. I didn't want to upset you or ruin our friendship, so I didn't tell you. I learned to live with the idea of not having you as long as you were happy… I don't know what happened that I told you."

"Since ascension? You mean after Anubis?"

"No. I mean after Kelowna."

"That was so long ago… 2003? You've known since then?"

"Do you remember that day in the Vis Uban tent, when you were trying to convince me to come home? I hadn't remembered one thing until then and, suddenly, there was a little memory of you. You were leaning over me; I couldn't see you very clearly… there was something hurting my eyes, but you were telling me how I had affected you, that I had changed you, and I remembered feeling that you had changed me, too. Then, when we went back to the base, Jack had put a picture of Sha're in my room and I couldn't remember her. When I finally did, I _knew_ that I had loved her very much, but the feelings were gone… I've never been able to remember it beyond the intellectual knowledge of what she meant. It's the same with Sarah; I know how much I cared for her in the past, but I can only remember the feelings from after, when she was taken by Osiris."

"I'm sorry."

"Sometimes I think it's, somehow, the way my mind has had to protect me from feelings that would only bring me pain. I don't know. In any case, with you it was different; every time I looked at you, every time you were close, the feelings were there, clear as day."

"Why didn't you say anything about it, ever?"

"I told you. I didn't want to risk losing your friendship. I can live without having you, but not without you in my life."

She got closer and hugged him. That was good news, right? He still loved her.

"I love you, Sam, if that's what you wanted to know. I've loved you for many years and I used those feelings as the main reason to keep fighting against my fate with the Odjods, at least for what I can remember of the first months. If you told me about Danny, it must have been another powerful motive to fight. But I would have never said anything to you out of nowhere; I know there must have been a very good reason for me to tell you that I loved you at all."

She sighed. "You wanted me to know that you meant it when you asked me to figure out if I thought we could have a relationship."

Daniel was amazed that he had dared going so far. "Did you take me seriously?"

She nodded.

They were still embraced and Daniel started softly stroking her back. "What did you think?"

She chuckled. "I thought that having your children would give you a clue."

Daniel took a deep breath. "So, you think it's possible. I do, too. I even bought wedding rings to ask you to marry me, without knowing any of this… but you knew that, didn't you?"

She chuckled again. "Jack told me. He's tired of us playing catch-up."

"He knows about us, too? Who else?"

"Teal'c, from the very beginning, because you told him, Jennifer, and now Cassie and everybody else at the dinner tonight."

"But I'm still missing something, aren't I? You said we'd been together. You meant-"

"I meant we made love, all night long, the day before you left for Astrada."

Daniel was dumbfounded. He could not understand not remembering something like that. Then, he started realizing that probably every sensation that Sam provoked when changing his bandages and every dream he had had about her had a bit of memory in them. "I think I remembered something. I just thought it was my imagination."

"Whenever I touched you, right?"

"You noticed?"

"More I guessed… It gave me hope."

"So, how did we end up together? I just came up and told you I was crazy about you?"

Sam smiled. That sounded nice, very nice. "No, I just hugged you… with benefits."

"What?"

"I meant to hug you good-bye and then I gave you a little kiss in your neck and then-"

"And I didn't stop you?"

"Yeah, but you were easy to convince. Didn't take much."

"I can imagine."

"Are you going to play difficult tonight?"

"Hm… What?"

Sam moved away from him to look at his face and smiled, "I know my silhouette has changed lately and I'm not the same as three years ago, but you, on the other hand, you look really hot."

He knew she was joking. "What about the cast and the bandages on my ribs? Do they look hot, too?"

"You think I'm kidding."

"I'm sure you are."

"Why do you think I kissed you the first time? Because it was _my_ doing, you have to understand that. You wouldn't have said anything without me pushing you into bed."

"Maybe you felt sorry because I had to go to that place."

"I'd never make love for pity, Daniel, with you or anyone else."

"Then, why? What changed? I may look different now, but by then I was the same guy you saw every day."

"It had nothing to do with looks. I was hugging you and I suddenly realized how important you were for me, how close we used to be, and how apart we had drifted in a few years, and it just dawned on me that it was something more than friendship what I felt for you. I can't explain why it suddenly became sexual; I was so aware of every centimeter of you against me and I wanted to show you how much I cared…"

"How could I say no to that?" he asked and lifted his hand to tenderly caress her face.

"But you've always been hot," she added with a mischievous expression. "I can't argue that… if I ever forgot, someone in the locker rooms would remind me."

Daniel smiled shyly.

"So, what do you say? Want to stay here for the night?"

Sam was sure he had blushed.

"I don't want to push you, Daniel. I really mean stay here, nothing else. For starters, you haven't done your breathing exercises. After that, I can help you cover your cast and you can have your shower, and then we go to sleep. We can talk more tomorrow."

"So, maybe you'll take my rings?"

"Are you serious?"

"I thought you were serious all this time."

"I was."

"Then," he put his hand in his pocket and took the little box out, "here they are. You can open it whenever you're ready. You know, I could put it in many different words, but the main idea is that I'd really like for you to be my wife and for the five of us to become a family, with tighter bonds than we already have."

"I'm ready for that right now," she said and opened the box.

Daniel took the engagement ring, put it in her finger, and then kissed her hand. "The others are for the day we choose to make it formal. You can decide on that. My calendar is pretty free," he smiled.

"Soon. We'll plan it during the weekend, okay?"

"Okay." He felt like kissing her, but it still felt inappropriate. He would have to learn that it was alright.

Sam noticed his hesitation and got out of bed. "Hey, move to the edge. I'll undo your bandages now."

Daniel slid carefully and sat facing her. Sam helped him with the sweater first; he still had trouble raising his arms above his head. Then, he unbuttoned his shirt and she helped him take it off. Next, Sam carefully removed the bandages and Daniel performed the deep breathing exercises. She noticed that it was still rather painful.

She put a small blanket by his side and said, "I'll go get the shield for the cast from your room. When you're done, cover yourself with this until I'm back."

A few minutes later she was back. She helped him with the trousers and she covered the cast. "There. You're ready. I'll go open the water in the shower, so that it's warm when you go in."

When she walked out of the bathroom, he went in.

She looked inside her dresser and found a long nightgown, nothing too revealing and wide enough to hide her little belly. She was about to get in bed, when she heard Daniel call her from the bathroom.

She walked to the door and called him. "Do you need help?"

"Yes."

She got into the bathroom and approached the glass panel of the shower. "What do you need?"

He slid the door a bit and stretched his hand toward her. "Come in."


	41. Chapter 41

**Memories of the Heart** by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been closed his eyes. He did not want to see. He could remember enough.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 41**

**_A.N. I just realized that, when I pasted Chapter 39, I missed a small section about the babies. I just put it back; it's pretty short, but I thought I should have it there._**

The elevator doors were about to close in front of Cassie, when she heard a voice asking her to stop it for a moment. She recognized the voice and pressed the button to open the doors.

"Uncle Jack! Where are you going?"

"Where are _you_ going?"

"Well, Teal'c is in his room, watching weird movies, and you two have Danny, so I was getting bored. All this happened so fast that I didn't think of picking up a book or something before we left the house."

Jack made a gesture that could have been interpreted as half of an apology. "You get what we're trying to do here, right?"

"Oh, don't worry. I'm not complaining. I just thought I should go to the gift shop in the lobby and get something to read."

The doors of the elevator opened and both stepped out into the lobby.

"I bet the shop is closed at this time. I'm going out to get some more milk. I told Sam we didn't need so much as she was trying to give us, but Danny has already drunk it all. He'll be asking for more soon. So, if you want to tag along…"

"You couldn't get some milk here?"

"The kitchen is closed for the night. They only had chocolate milk in little bottles left."

"Okay, let's go."

They walked to the parking lot and got into Jack's truck.

"You should have let me take care of Danny. I do it every time Sam has a crisis at the S.G.C. and you know that's often."

"I thought about it, but then Sara seemed so happy that I just didn't want to take him away from her. I think she's really enjoying it."

"Okay, but if you need any help, you know where to find me."

He nodded. "So, I take it for what you said during dinner that you enjoyed your first mission."

"Oh, wow! I loved it. I know now how Sam must feel every time she goes out. It was awesome."

"Good."

Cassie was quiet for a while and then she said, "Hey, about Daniel and Sam-"

"They need some time on their own."

"I know, I know. I was just thinking that _maybe_ we should send _them_ to the castle. I mean, I've lived in this city for so many years, until I went to college and after I came back, and I had never set a foot in it. It's an awesome place and I read in the booklet in the room that they have an amazing honeymoon suite."

Jack thought for a few seconds. "I was thinking that with Daniel not remembering about-" he turned to look at her. "You know about all this, right?"

"Yes, Sam told me about _their night_ and his declaration of love. That's what you mean?"

"Yeah. So, if he doesn't remember that, he wouldn't understand me sending them to the honeymoon suite."

"You're right. I think this was a great idea to leave them alone. Besides, I love the place. There are so many things to do… I just hope they get to talk while we're here."

"I hope so, too."

Cassie sighed.

"What?"

"I was thinking, the other day, that if _I_ were Daniel, I'm not so sure that I'd come out unscathed by this last thing. It's just one too many and this one was bad, bad, bad,"

"I know, but he's strong."

"That's what Teal'c said when we talked about it, but I was just making a list in my mind… He was right there when his parents died… Then his career went to hell, even though he was right… His grandfather chose his career, or his dreams, _whatever_, over him, twice."

"He hadn't been there for him that much."

"Come on, Uncle Jack, that must have hurt. He was his only living relative. And then, Teal'c killed Sha're right in front of him."

"Amounet was trying to kill him."

"But still, he saw _Sha're_ dying."

Jack reluctantly agreed.

"He was also right there when Mom died ─he never talks about it─ and he got to see Vala burned to death."

"We've all been through bad shit."

"I know, I know. All my people died and they put a bomb in my chest… and you lost Charlie… and Sara, and so many other things I've read in the reports..."

Jack agreed.

"It's just the accumulation of things for Daniel; it's like he got a sampling of everything that we've been through. Think about it; the secrecy of all his accomplishments, rape, sarcophagus _and light_ addiction, attempted suicide, radiation poisoning, getting dumped into an old man's dying body, being possessed by twelve different people, getting locked up in a mental hospital, delivering his wife's child by a Goa'uld, becoming an Ori prior, being possessed by Merlin, ascending, descending ─twice─ and _so many deaths_… Have you thought that when he was in the Replicator ship, the last thing he saw as he was being stabbed to death was Sam's eyes? I mean, that's only a little part of the list and, then, you add these last three years…"

Jack stopped in front of a store, parked the car, and turned to look at Cassie. "I know all that, but there's nothing I can do about it. I can only do something about what he's going through right now and I'll need a lot of help. I think only Sam and the kids can pull him out of the hole, but we have to pull with her. Just think that all that crap you mentioned will be public in a couple of months. We have to get him well before that. Then, everybody will be looking at him and he needs to be standing straight."

**…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...**

"Give me a moment," Sam asked.

His hand disappeared into the shower.

She wished the glass was clear so that she could see in his face if he was doing okay. She pulled her nightgown off over her head and then finished undressing. She carefully slid the door enough to get in and saw Daniel facing the water coming from the shower with his eyes closed. He was pushing his short hair back with both hands, but she was sure he had heard her getting in. She stood right in front of him. He opened his eyes, took a deep breath, and pulled her into an embrace.

"This," he said. "I remember this."

Sam laid her head on his shoulder and tightened the embrace.

"Your body against mine and the water falling on us… Is it really a memory?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah. It's the last thing we got to do before you went to get ready for the mission. We took a shower together."

He took another deep breath.

"Am I hurting you?" she tried to let him go, but he stopped her.

"No, you're fine. Don't go."

"Okay." She could still see his distress, but she did not know what to do.

"I will remember, Sam… all the rest. I promise."

"Stop worrying. You don't need to remember anything. If the feelings are still there, we can get it all back."

He nodded.

They stood embraced under the shower for a couple of minutes, without saying a word.

Then, Daniel whispered, "I'm terrified, Sam. I don't want to disappoint you; I don't want to hurt Danny either. I'm so afraid that I can lose you… It's just that there are so many horrible thoughts in my head."

She had a very good idea of what thoughts were in his head, but she had no clue about how to deal with them. "You need to talk to the psychiatrist at the base. I don't know how to help you, Daniel. You've always dealt with everything on your own, but I understand that this is bigger. We can only be here for you. We can talk about it. We can stand by your side for whatever you need. You just need to tell us."

He sighed. "Okay. Thanks." He softly stroked her back. "I also feel bad about this, Sam. I feel so useless. It's already hard enough to hold all my weight on one leg… I don't think I can do much more."

"Oh… No, you don't have to do anything, Daniel. We're fine. What we really need to do is get out of here and go to bed. I need to re-bandage you and you need to rest." She walked backwards and looked at his eyes. "I'll go get everything ready. There's a robe hanging right outside the shower. Come out as soon as you want." She squeezed his hand, got out, and slid the door behind her.

Daniel closed his eyes again and let the water fall over his body. After a few seconds, he turned off the hot water and gave himself a brief cold shower.

When he got back to the bedroom, Sam was back in her nightgown. He sat on the edge of the bed and got out of the top part of the robe. Sam got a towel and carefully helped him get dry. Then, she bandaged his torso. After finishing that, he took off the cast shield from his leg.

"There, you're done. Get in bed. I don't want you to get a cold."

Daniel hesitated for a second. "The robe is too wet. I'll go to my room to get some clothes."

"I can do that. What do you want? Where are your pajamas?"

"In the dresser, but maybe a T-shirt would be better. It feels hot tonight."

"Oh…" She smiled, "I raised the temperature. It's so cold outside, and I still don't know this new system very well. Do you want to get in bed like that? It won't bother me."

Daniel was not sure. He was used to sleeping without clothes, especially when the house was warm enough, but he did not want to get into trouble. He finally decided that he had to trust Sam. If he was going to get her to marry him, he had to start somewhere.

"Okay, it's fine. Get in bed, too."

"Let me hang the robe in the bathroom. We don't want that wet on the bed."

Daniel maneuvered to get under the covers and gave Sam the robe. While she was gone, he lay down on his back and pulled the covers up to his neck. He closed his eyes and tried to rest, but he could not stop thinking about what he should be doing to make Sam happy.


	42. Chapter 42

**Memories of the Heart** by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been closed his eyes. He did not want to see. He could remember enough.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 42**

"Hey, Daniel," he felt Sam touching his shoulder. "I got you some clothes anyway… and I lowered the temperature a bit. I think you'll be more comfortable that way."

Daniel opened his eyes and saw the clothes on top of a chair by the bed.

"I need to dry my hair before I go to bed. You get dressed and I'll be back soon. Don't wait for me if you're tired, okay?"

Daniel nodded. "Thanks."

When Sam got back to the bedroom, he seemed to be asleep. She got in bed, but did not turn off the light. She lay sideways to be able to look at him. She enjoyed watching him sleep, breathing evenly by her side. Most of the time he seemed so troubled, worried about things she could not even fathom, but right there he looked peaceful and beautiful. Though she had never put too much attention on his appearance, since his return she could not keep her eyes away from him. There was no other place she would rather be than by his side and if she had Danny with them, too, her happiness was complete. The rest of the world lost importance in a second.

She suddenly felt cold when the thought that she could lose him again crossed her mind. They were not on safe terrain yet. They were just starting to swim toward the coast. There was much way to go. She looked forward to thousands of days of hearing his key turning in the lock, of watching him play with Danny and the twins, of lying in bed by his side. It terrified her that all that could not last; she was afraid that he would not be able to deal with so much sorrow anymore.

After a long while, she gave up and turned off the light. She needed to rest to be strong and keep helping him. The next she would remember later was Daniel voice, almost whispering, by her side.

"No, don't… I won't do it! I can't do that! No, please… No!"

She turned on the light, but it was too late. Daniel almost jumped out of bed, stumbled against the chair, and fell with an ominous sound.

Sam run to his side and carefully turned him to see his face.

"Daniel! Daniel! Look at me! What do you feel?"

His face looked contorted by the pain, but he was not answering. He put a hand on his chest and Sam guessed he had hurt himself there. She run to the bathroom and got a pair of scissors. She used them to cut the bandages around his chest.

It did not look good. There was something that seemed to stick out from under the skin and the area was getting rapidly bruised. Daniel started having trouble with his breathing and Sam panicked.

"Daniel! I think you broke another rib; you may have internal injuries. Your lung could collapse… I'm going to call Jennifer."

She was about to stand up to get the phone when he grabbed his wrist and kept her by his side.

"No, don't leave me," he asked without opening his eyes.

"Daniel, you need medical attention." She tried to liberate herself, but he was holding her strongly.

"No. Just turn off the lights. They're hurting me. Stay with me."

Sam thought that would be insane, but his voice was so calm and reassuring that she felt compelled to obey. "Okay," she said softly.

Daniel let her arm go. She walked to the nightstand wondering if she had lost her mind, but turned off the light. She saw the phone and was tempted to pick it up, but Daniel called her back to him and she went without hesitation.

She knelt by his side and held his left hand. Daniel put his right hand on his chest and his breathing slowly evened out. Under the faint light of the moon coming through the circular skylight on the ceiling, she watched him for at least half an hour. His eyes were tightly shut, but he did not seem to be distressed anymore. Nonetheless, she spent the time praying that she was not making the biggest mistake of her life.

She was starting to get desperate, when Daniel opened his eyes. He blinked a couple of times and looked at her.

"Sam?"

"Are you okay? What are you feeling now?"

He looked disoriented. "What's just happened?" he tried.

Sam was at a loss for words. She squeezed his hand and said, "You fell. I'm going to call Jennifer. Don't move."

Daniel obeyed. She walked to the phone and called the McKays.

"Rodney? I'm sorry I woke you up. I need to talk to Jennifer."

"Sam? Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Daniel fell and I don't know if I can move him."

"Wait; I'll pass the phone to Jennifer."

"Hello? Sam? What happened?"

"Daniel fell and- It's kind of complicated. I think he should go to the Infirmary. I'll tell you all the details when I see you."

Jennifer heard the tone she identified as _"very worried Sam"_ and agreed. She made sure the S.G.C. sent an ambulance to Sam's house and drove to the base with Rodney.

Meanwhile, Sam put a pillow under Daniel's head and got dressed."

"Are you sure I have to stay here? I don't feel any pain. Not even in the chest."

"Yes, I'm sure. Just do it for me, okay?"

"Okay."

Half an hour later they were all in the Infirmary. Sam walked apart with Jennifer and explained everything that had happened. Jennifer was stunned, but she thought it was too late to disapprove of Sam's actions. She had done what she felt she had to do. She went in and started examining Daniel.

Sam sat outside with Rodney. She explained to him what she had told Jennifer and they discussed different scenarios that could explain the events. When Jennifer came out to talk with them, she seemed in awe.

"Nothing. There's nothing there."

"You mean he didn't hurt himself in the fall?"

"I mean, there's nothing. Not even a scar. Before, he had the fractured ribs and plenty of scar tissue in the lungs. Now, they're clean, perfect. The ribs don't even have signs of ever have been broken. It looks as what Janet Fraiser described as the effects of the sarcophagus."

Sam sat down. "He healed himself, didn't he?"

"That would be a logical conclusion."

"But how?" Rodney asked.

"I don't know and he doesn't remember. I asked and he only has memory since right before you called me, Sam."

"What about his leg?"

"That's still broken. It seems that all the _healing energy_ ─to call it someway─ was focused on his chest. I'm going to let him go back home with you. He's hungry."

Sam smiled.

"He'll also have a much better time walking with the crutches, now that the effort won't make his chest hurt."

"Wow! I don't know what to say."

"It all must have to do with his Ancient knowledge. Maybe it's so hidden in his subconscious that he can't recall it when awake, but in a semi-conscious state like after the nightmare, he probably had access to it."

"And there's nothing we can do to get him to remember?" Rodney wanted to know.

"He's already in a fragile state of mind after all that has happened. I wouldn't mess with his brain."

"Does he know?"

"Well, I told him that he was healed. I'm sure he got to the same conclusion we did. Just take him home; let him rest. Do what he says. He probably knows better than we do."


	43. Chapter 43

**Memories of the Heart**by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been closed his eyes. He did not want to see. He could remember enough.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 43**

While Daniel was getting ready to leave, Jennifer called Sam apart.

"I saw it," she said with a smile.

"What?" Sam asked, clueless.

"The ring, silly."

Sam looked at it. She had completely forgotten about it. "Oh! Yes, we're going to get married."

"Congratulations!" Jennifer hugged her. "So, you told him or he remembered?"

"I told him some. I was kind of tired of the whole thing yesterday night and I just-"

"How did he get rings so fast?"

"He'd already bought them."

"That's even better! That means he was thinking about it _before_ he knew."

"Or he was trying to be the knight in shining armor."

"Oh, come on, Sam, give him a break."

"You're right." She smiled. "We have to go, but I'll tell you more on Monday."

"Did something else happen?"

"You'll have to wait…"

Jennifer smiled. Maybe things would get better.

Sam drove Daniel home soon afterwards. She felt tempted to call Jack and tell him what had happened, but then she thought it would be better to wait until they all came back from their stay at the castle.

Daniel was silent all the trip long.

After getting into the garage, she helped him get out of the car, and went straight to the kitchen.

"Come on, Daniel. Jennifer said you're hungry and I haven't had breakfast either. I'll fix something."

Daniel followed her, but, once in the kitchen, he grabbed her hand and guided her to a chair.

"You sit down there. I'll take care of this."

She was about to complain, but he stopped her with a clear gesture.

"I need to be doing something."

"Daniel," she started.

"We can talk in a minute. Let me do this first."

In a few minutes, he had breakfast ready. He sat facing her and took a sip of his coffee.

Sam started eating and waited for him to talk.

"You understand what happened today, right?" he finally said, looking down at his coffee mug.

"I think I have a pretty good idea."

He nodded. "Yet, I don't know how I did it."

"Is that important? I mean, at least, this was something good. Do you need to know how you did it?"

He thought for a few seconds and then he sighed. "No, but I'm worried that other people will want to know."

"Jennifer doesn't think we should meddle with your memory."

"But she's not in charge."

"I am."

"There are other people who have power and a medical opinion has never stopped them before."

"Well, much has changed since you left for Astrada; for one thing, with the program becoming public, everything has to look _peachy_, as Jack would say, and non-standard experimentation would not pass the test. You may not realize this, Daniel, but, now that you're back, you're going to be one of the central attractions of this circus."

"What do you mean?"

"They're giving you some time to recover from your ordeal, but very soon they'll start prepping you for the big day."

"Why?"

"First, you're a civilian and they want to show to the world that this was more than a military operation and that the benefits that it brought outweigh the losses, especially the human losses and, of course, the monetary investment."

"There are hundreds of civilians besides me in the program."

"You opened the gate, Daniel. You foresaw it."

"I just had a theory."

"And in spite of all the laughing it provoked, you were right."

"So what?"

"So now they want your face plastered everywhere to prove a point. You're a legend inside the SG.C.; we all are. Now, we're going to be a _public_ legend. They even have given us _roles_ we have to represent."

"What roles?"

"Jack is the ragged military man, disheartened and cynical, who comes back from depression to save the world."

Daniel felt sick and his face showed it.

"I know. Wait until you hear the rest. Teal'c is the alien who left it all behind, even his family, to fight for the freedom of his people."

"Well, that's the truth."

"They all are somewhat true. They have just been exaggerated to make us role models."

Daniel smiled. "What are you?"

"I'm the girl, what do you think? A girl with a brain and a gun, but still the girl."

Daniel laughed. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that they've made you into a stereotype, but at least you have the brain _and _the gun. Besides, I'm glad you're the girl."

"Who else could it be?"

"Do they have Vala in this, too?"

"Ah, yeah, but she's the alien/femme fatale."

"And Cameron?"

"Young blood, following the steps of his heroes."

"Okay, I won't ask anymore. I don't think I can take much more of this."

"You don't want to know about yourself?"

"Not really."

"Too bad. You have to deal with it like we do," she said with a wicked smile.

"Okay, what?"

Sam raised her hand as if looking at the horizon and made a theatrical gesture, "The visionary."

"That's it?'

Sam got serious. "No. You're also the man who fought to find his lost love and gave his life for his beliefs."

"I'm not dead," he said with a sardonic smile.

"Well, you ruined that part," she said with a small smile; "thanks to God." Then, she added with a somber tone, "but don't think they won't use your other deaths and everything else you've been through."

"Even these last years?"

"I'm sure. That's why you need to deal with it as soon as possible."

"You keep saying _they_. Who are _they_?"

"It's a committee the president formed to help us with the whole process. They have publicists, media and public relations people in general. "After Lya came, they had a meeting to see how to _spin_ their plans to fit you alive. Your book was their idea, too, when this whole thing started, about two years ago."

"But nobody had written a word until now."

"They hadn't found anyone to do it. They read some of your journals in your office and they liked the style. They wanted someone who could do a similar job, but they didn't like any of the people who volunteered. As a last resort, they were going to wait until the whole thing became public and then search in a wider pool of candidates. As soon as you came back, they stopped searching."

"Not a very bright committee, eh?"

Sam slapped his hand playfully.

"So, what are we going to do?" He said very seriously.

"About what?"

"About what happened… I don't know how I did it and I don't know if I can do other things that may be dangerous for you or Danny. I don't think I have control of all that."

"Well, I'm not worried, Daniel. No matter what you can do, I'm sure you'd do anything but hurting one of us. Besides, according to those reports, you had control of all those abilities when you were there. Maybe it's coming back. That should be good."

"I'm not sure."

"Why don't we wait and see?" If something happens, we'll deal with it then. This from today was good, very good. We should be celebrating."

Daniel smiled.

"Let me clean this up and we can talk some more."

They spent the rest of the day making plans. First, they talked about marriage. Sam wanted to be sure that Daniel wanted it. He was very clear and she felt more relaxed about it. After lunch, they chose a date and a place to get married.

Then they talked about names for the babies; it was a new experience for Daniel and he enjoyed it. After they had a few possible names, Sam brought up Danny's name. She wanted to change it from Daniel Carter to Daniel Carter Jackson, now that everybody was starting to find out that Daniel was his father. Daniel felt honored that she asked and agreed without hesitation. For hours after that, they talked about Danny's first years while Sam showed him every picture she had ever taken of him.

There was enough time to talk about what had happened with their friends during the years Daniel had been gone and to make plans to get together with those he would enjoy seeing again.

By the time they were done with a late dinner, Sam brought up what had been in her head all day, but she had been afraid to ask.

"Are you going back to your room tonight or do you- I mean, you don't need much help now, so if you want to be on your own…"

"You'd like me to move to the main room?" he asked in a neutral tone that did not tell her anything about what he was feeling about it.

"I want you to do what feels comfortable for you. My room is bigger and the bathroom is also far better, but I don't think that's what matters. In any case, I want you to know that I'm not asking for anything. You're welcome to move in and use the room just for sleeping. I feel better when you're close, when I can keep an eye on you, but I've noticed that you're still uncomfortable with the idea of us."

He nodded, but she was not certain of what he was agreeing with and she was not ready to ask.

"Okay. I'll move to your room," he said.

Sam decided to be happy with that. "I'll help you bring the things you need. You can't go around carrying stuff while using those crutches."

He did not object and, an hour later, he was installed in Sam's room. While she was on the phone with Danny and Jack, carefully avoiding revealing the events of the morning, Daniel took a shower. After he was done, she took a shower herself.

When she came out of the bathroom, she expected to find him sleeping, like the night before. Instead, he was reading a book.

"You're not sleepy yet?"

"No; and you?"

"No, not either. I'm kind of hungry again."

Daniel smiled. "Why don't we go grab something to eat and we can watch a movie?"

"Sounds good."

After making a couple of sandwiches, they found a movie they could watch. Sam brought some blankets and they sat in the den. After half an hour, Sam started feeling uncomfortable.

"What is it?"

"I don't know. I think it's the pregnancy. I'm a lot more sedentary now than I was with Danny, but I get tired sitting in the same position for a long while.

"Come here," he said.

He stretched his arm and pulled her towards him. He put a pillow on his lap and told her to lay her head on it and stretch on the sofa.

"Oh… This feels much better."

"Good."

Now and then, she noticed that he softly stroked her hair or made sure she was warm under the covers. She enjoyed the extra attention. By the time the movie was finished, she was almost asleep.

"Hey, Sam," he said. "That was the end. I think you fell asleep."

She stretched a bit. "Yeah, I think so."

"Let's go to bed."

"Okay."

They got up and took the elevator to go to their room.

"Let me help you with that," he said as she started taking her robe off.

"Okay."

He held his weight on one crutch and helped her. Then he put the robe on the back of a chair.

She turned to thank him with a smile and he turned to say good night and they suddenly found themselves very close to each other, face to face. Sam noticed it affected him, but did not move. He looked at her for a few seconds, then he made a little gesture ─that Sam interpreted as giving up─ and he kissed her.


	44. Chapter 44

**Memories of the Heart**by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been closed his eyes. He did not want to see. He could remember enough.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 44**

**_A.N. Thank you to those who were so kind. I appreciate the nice words and the critics, too... but I feel very, very, very disappointed with the response to the story in general, especially this section. More than two hundred people read it in one day and nobody else felt it was worth the encouragement? I think I got the wrong idea. I should go back to teaching or stay with my day job. At least, as a lawyer, the results can be seen at some point._**

Sam was shaken by the intensity of the feelings caused by Daniel's kiss. She could only compare it to the exhilaration she had felt the first time she had kissed him, three years before. Their hug in the shower, in spite of the close contact of their naked bodies, had been more about comfort than about passion. This was different. This was having an effect on all the right places.

When he finally let her go, Daniel kept her close to him. He held her head with both his hands and he put his forehead against hers. He had his eyes closed and he was breathing fast.

Sam smiled as she realized it had affected him, too.

He opened his eyes and looked at her. "That was… powerful."

Sam smiled wider. "I know."

He sighed and lowered his hands. Then he walked back and looked at her. "I can't."

"What?"

"I can't do this."

"Why?" Sam asked, more upset than understanding.

"I don't know how to explain it. It's in my head. Every time I'm close to you I feel that you're forbidden, that it's wrong to think any of these things about you."

"Why? I've been telling you it's okay."

"It's from before, Sam. It has to do with our past, that for me it's still pretty much the present. I don't remember that night; maybe bits and pieces, but it's hard to make it into more than that. In my head, you're still Jack's. I can't choose what I want; my heart won't let me."

"I've never been Jack's," she said almost indignant.

"That's fine, but that's not the perception we all had."

"All who?"

"Everybody. All these years, we've been waiting for Jack to retire and finally be with you."

"That was never the plan."

"Never?"

She sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. "Okay. I liked him… a lot. I thought, now and then, that we could be together. It just never happened. There was something there that wasn't working. Over the years I've realized that Jack and I are very different, in many ways, and, though there's a part of him that's very attractive to me, it's not enough to build a life together. And then, you know what happened."

"You mean the night?"

"Yes, I mean that night. I didn't see you that way either. You were my best friend, my twin. We got along marvelously, but that was it. I always thought that I'd grow old by your side if we didn't manage to find someone else. We'd just end up living in the same house to save money or to avoid complete loneliness. You've got to agree that you and I, _we're different than other people_. The things we've lived, the things we've done… We're not going to fit easily in the life of a _normal_ person."

"But Jack or Cameron… they're just like us."

"And Vala, too, but you're not in love with her, are you?"

He shook his head.

"So, it's us, just us. Stop clinging onto something that's not there."

"What made you change your mind? About the brother and sister thing…"

"I think I told you. I was hugging you that night and you affected me somehow. I could smell the shampoo in your hair, the aftershave… I don't know. _I was so afraid of losing you again._ I just touched the hair in the nape of your neck and it was like an electric shock; I wanted to kiss it so badly and, when you reacted…" She lowered her head, overwhelmed by the memory. "It was like an unstoppable force was pushing me. I wanted more, a real kiss, more skin… I can't explain it, Daniel. It was so sudden, unexpected."

He lowered his head and sat by her side. "I'm sorry I can't remember it."

"We've been through this. It's not your fault and you'll remember it, okay?"

"Okay."

"Let's go to bed now. It's late."

He nodded and obeyed her.

Sam got in bed, but did not fall asleep easily. She had gotten the clue she needed to fix the problem. Daniel could not let go of his notions about her. For him she was still unavailable, so, the solution was easy. If he was not going to do anything, she was. Just like the first time, she was going to prove to him that she was _for him_ and, considering that he was not listening to her words, she was going to use a more empirical way of showing it. She just needed the right opportunity and it had to be quick, before everybody was back in the house.

She had missed Danny so badly that she had had to make a significant effort not to just sit down and cry, but it had been beneficial in many other ways. It was about time the little boy spent some time away from her or he would be in big trouble when the time came for preschool to start.

It had also given Jack an excuse to spend some time with Sara without the pressure of the two being alone in a small house. Sharing time in a group would be much easier until they were really clear about what they wanted.

It had also allowed her to get closer to Daniel. They had made great progress in a day. Now, she was going to push further.

Daniel did not go to sleep immediately either. He was still shocked by how much it had affected him to kiss Sam. He had known he loved her for the longest time, but he had not imagined it would be that powerful. Yes, powerful, that was the right word. He had been correct when he had said it. It had to have been amazing that night between them. The problem was that this time he had also felt a sickening feeling in his stomach telling him he was doing something wrong. He would have to work hard to get rid of all the impediments his mind was telling him there were there. It was going to take time, but he would get over it.

A couple of hours later, Sam was not surprised when she was awakened by Daniel thrashing about in bed. She turned the light on and woke him up.

"Another nightmare, eh?"

She nodded.

"I'm not so sure this is a good arrangement for you. Maybe I should go back to my room and let you sleep one whole night without interruptions."

"It doesn't bother me at all. I'm happy I can help. Just go back to sleep… unless you need some water, or a cup of tea?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Okay." She turned off the light and lay down by his side.

Daniel was certain she was not sleeping and felt guilty about it, but the memories of the nightmare were a more pressing matter in his mind. Though he had read about it all, the first-hand memories still overwhelmed him. He would definitely have to talk about it with someone. He did not like the idea of seeing a psychiatrist ─he would never forget his stay at the mental institution─ but there did not seem to be any other solution. What worried him the most were the feelings he now had about his experience. He was following his own stages of grief, because he had skipped the denial ─reading the details his captors had written had been proof enough─ and he was experiencing an equal-part mixture of anger and depression. There was no point on bargaining.

Sam knew he was still thinking of what had happened in his dreams. She thought she could take the opportunity to show him how right they were for each other, but the logistics were all wrong. She could not just jump on top of him and kiss him, even if it sounded tempting, and he definitely would not be in the mood.

"Do you want to talk about it? What was the nightmare about?"

Daniel sighed. He did not want to burden her, but she knew most of it already. "I just remembered a particularly bad week."

"Why?"

He took a few seconds. "I was injured during battle… in the abdomen. It was pretty bad and I was sure they'd let me die or execute me. There wasn't much time allowed for healing."

"But they spared you."

"It looks like they were interested in my healing ability. They let me help myself as much as I could and, then, they finished the job. It was their new experiment on me."

"I'm sorry… but look at the bright side; you don't have any physical scars to remind you, at least."

He turned on the light on his side and lifted his pajama top to look at his abdomen. "It's weird."

Sam turned to look, too. A memory came to her that made her shiver.

"What?"

She got closer to him and softly touched his abdomen with the tips of her fingers. "It wasn't your first injury around here."

"Seriously? I don't remember reading anything about another one."

"I do," she said with sadness.

He realized she was talking about something serious and that the memory was hurting her. He made a quick review of his past injuries and a blade through his chest stood up immediately. "Sam, you're not blaming yourself for what she did, are you?"

"It was my fault. I let her escape. She took you, she tortured you, and she killed you."

"Listen, put it this way: if she hadn't done it, I probably wouldn't have remembered any of my Ancient knowledge and I wouldn't have survived these last three years. In a way, I have to thank her and, consequently, you."

"_Consequently?_" she asked with a small smile.

"Sure," he replied with a broader smile.

"You can twist anything to fit your purpose. Thanks. I feel a little better." She stroked the skin on his abdomen again.

"What now?"

"Just remembering. It's not that you're bigger now; you already had these before you left. It's like they're more defined now, as if someone had drawn them with a pencil and you just filled in the blanks."

Daniel chuckled.

"I'm glad you don't have any of those scars," she said and looked in his eyes. There was something there that called her, so she stretched up and kissed him.

Daniel did not move at first, but, a few seconds into the kiss, he pulled her up towards him. Sam wrapped her arms around his neck and ended up sitting on his lap.

"We're doing this a lot lately," he said a while later, as he tried to regain his breath.

She did not answer and kissed him again. Then she moved her lips along his jaw line and ended up kissing his neck.

"Oh, God, Sam."

"This is where it all started. Maybe this will erase all those doubts you have," she whispered before going back to kissing him.

Without even thinking, he laid his head against the headboard to give her more space to work.

Sam smiled. It was working.


	45. Chapter 45

**Memories of the Heart**by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been closed his eyes. He did not want to see. He could remember enough.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 45**

**_A.N. This section contains dialogue about sex. There is nothing graphic, as always, but enough to help the imagination. If you feel offended by this kind of writing, please, skip this section. You will understand the story anyway._**

A few seconds later, Daniel opened his eyes and said, "Stop, Sam, stop."

Sam froze. Maybe it was not working.

"I get it. You want to make love. You want to make me understand _it's okay_ to do it… because I'm being kind of dense about this, right?"

Sam moved away from him and sat on her side of the bed with a forced smile. "It's fine. Don't worry. I keep pushing too hard."

"No. That's not it. I feel like I've put the burden of the proof on you, like it's your duty to take me back to where we were, but you already put us there once. It should be me this time. So, let me do it. I'll try. I certainly want to… and_ you want it, too_," he added as if the last idea still surprised him.

She smiled sincerely and squeezed his hand. "It doesn't have to be now. I think I'm obsessing a little because tomorrow everybody will be back in the house and, though I'm missing Danny awfully, it will be very different with them here."

He raised his hand and caressed her face very softly. "Do you know how many times I stopped myself from dreaming about this? About being with you… About how it would feel? Let me try…" he leaned and kissed her.

For a while they leisurely kissed. They were sitting in a very uncomfortable position and slowly they started sliding down on the bed until they were lying facing each other. Daniel slid his hand over her nightgown until he reached her leg and then went back up under the thick cloth. He stopped suddenly at the top of her leg.

"They're very uncomfortable during the pregnancy," Sam whispered with a smile. "All of them. The bigger I get, the worse it is, so, at least at night, when I go to bed, I get rid of them."

Daniel took a deep breath. He had forgotten that real life sex was not as flawless as sex in his imagination. In his mind he would have kept on going when his hand did not find an obstacle; in real life, he had felt afraid he was crossing a boundary too soon. Now, it seemed she was giving him permission, so he slowly kept going further, but, then, he deviated from his course, overwhelmed by the desire to touch the evidence of her pregnancy.

Sam lay on her back so that he could caress her abdomen more comfortably and put her hand over his.

"Do you feel anything?" he asked softly, feeling guilty about interrupting their lovemaking, but eager to know.

"Not really, not yet. Around the eighteenth week they'll start moving a lot more… The kind of movement that I'll certainly notice."

"I'm sorry. I just had to touch it. I hadn't-"

"Hey, it's okay. They're yours, too. Don't worry."

He got closer to her and kissed her again. He was slowly moving towards her, getting ready to get on top of her, when Sam stopped him.

"Wait… I'm sorry."

"What?" he asked, worried one more time.

"I just-" she sighed and laughed nervously. "I just… Oh! It's so silly!"

"Tell me, Sam. What?"

"Okay. Let's see... How can I say this?" She smiled at him and then she looked as if she had had a bright idea and said, "One of the most pleasurable memories I have of our night together is feeling your whole body on top of me; just _that_… like being completely sheltered, in a cocoon… Feeling you so close to me, _so powerful_, but also so _tender_, so _caring_… I don't know how to explain it."

"Okay," he said, expecting to hear what was wrong with that.

"Do you know when you talk about a desk or a good piece of furniture?"

"Yeah…" He was surprised by the non-sequitur and he still could not see where she was going.

"And you say that it's made of _solid wood_?"

"Okay…"

"Well, I've always had that idea, that there are men that are made of solid wood… stout… and others are just bones with a veneer," she tried to explain.

"You mean I'm too fat or heavy?"

"Well, certainly heavy, tall and big, but not fat… I don't think you have an ounce of fat in you these days."

Daniel smiled. "Okay, so I'm heavy, and, though it used to be pleasurable, now…?"

"I'm afraid we'll smush the babies."

She looked so serious that he had to smile. "I understand, Sam," he said and carefully moved away from her.

"No, you don't," she said.

Her tone made him think she would cry. "Sam…"

"No. I don't want you to stop because of this. I just… I haven't had sex while pregnant ever, you understand, right? I wanted this so much… I even asked Jennifer and she said it was perfectly okay."

"You asked Jennifer? When?"

"After Lya told us they had found you."

"But you didn't even know if it was really me or if I was going to be okay-"

"I hoped so. I didn't know you wouldn't remember me. I thought you'd want to start from where we left off."

Daniel realized how meaningful it all was for her and he chastised himself for not having understood it earlier. "Well, you know that, especially in oriental civilizations," he said with a smile, "there's an interesting legacy of traditions regarding the many different positions a couple can use for lovemaking, even during pregnancy."

"And you know some?"

"What kind of anthropologist would I be if I hadn't studied every side of the development of those cultures?"

Sam smiled. He was starting to feel like the old Daniel. She sensed many of the barriers between them had fallen down. Perhaps there were many more, but she was getting closer. "Any ideas you'd like to share?" she asked with a provocative tone.

"I certainly do."

"You know, you didn't mention any of this the last time."

"I take it we were pretty traditional, then."

"I'd say…" She sighed. "I don't know why, but I have this idea now, that you're not always traditional and I… You think that at this age at least I'd be better at this."

"Listen, Sam, of all your adult life, if you try to imagine it like a pie chart and mark in there, how many hours have you spent studying, revolutionizing physics, fighting the enemy, and so? Then, how much did you spend with a steady partner, making love?"

She felt surprised by the result of her quick mental calculation. She had never thought of it that way. "It's pretty sad."

"Hey, don't think most people are much better, especially successful people like you who sacrificed so much for their beliefs."

"You make it sound like it was a good thing."

"It wasn't bad either. I'm not that far behind you and I've never felt bad about it. It was great while I had it, but it didn't define me."

Sam smiled. "I love you," she said softly and briefly stroked his face. Then, she added, "We're always back to talking. This isn't happening. Let's go to bed and we'll see what happens tomorrow," and she grabbed the edge of the covers.

"No… Don't," he said as he grabbed her hand. "Don't give up. We need all this, even the talk. Maybe the last time we didn't talk enough."

"We didn't talk much, that's for sure."

"There are couples who take a lot longer to get here. Perhaps that night we went too fast because we didn't have time left, but now we can do it."

"Somehow I don't imagine normal couples discussing all these things."

"Not many have to deal with a pregnancy of twins and a leg with a cast. It makes it more complicated, but nothing we can't fix. And I'm sure normal couples don't just kiss and end up having sex like in the movies, without having to deal with practical matters."

"We pretty much did that the last time. We kissed, we undressed each other, we kissed a lot more, and we made love all night long. No practical matters."

"No turning the lights on or off?"

"Well, yeah, we did that."

"Not having trouble with the boot laces?"

"Do you remember?" she asked surprised.

"I always have trouble with them when I'm in a hurry."

"It happened with my boots, but we laughed about it."

"But, you see, your memory has idealized it. Maybe in twenty years you'll think that way about tonight."

"I doubt it."

"Listen, no doubt I'd have preferred to do this without all the interruptions… I'm quite… _uncomfortable_, let's say, but I think it's good. All good. Now, let's try something different. First, we turn off the lights, we get rid of all these clothes, and, then, we're free to go. Just don't worry if you need to stop for any reason."

"You'll share your knowledge of ancient civilizations?" She joked.

"I'll offer different possibilities and you choose."

"I trust you. Just go ahead; I'll follow your lead."

The next time Sam looked at the clock on her nightstand, the sun was high up in the sky. The light coming through the light curtains bothered her eyes and she turned her face to avoid it.

"Are you okay?" Daniel asked as she tried to turn all her body towards him.

"It's too sunny."

"At least it's not snowing today."

She snuggled. "Mmm… It's still cold away from you."

He embraced her and pulled her closer to him. "Better?"

"Perfect."

"Are you hungry? It's midday. I can get you something."

"Yeah, a little, but I don't want you to leave. We can go later."

"Are you sure?"

"Yep." She raised a hand and caressed his chest. "You're a _great _anthropologist, you know?'

He chuckled. "And you're the student who can outdo the master."

"Do you have anything else for me to learn before we go to eat?"

"Always."


	46. Chapter 46

**Memories of the Heart**by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been closed his eyes. He did not want to see. He could remember enough.

**Memories of the Heart**

**Chapter 46**

**_A.N. This section contains dialogue about sex. There is nothing graphic, as always, but enough to help the imagination. If you feel offended by this kind of writing, please, skip this section. You will understand the story anyway._**

While Sam was fixing a late lunch by the stove, Daniel approached from behind and softly hugged her. She felt there was something wrong.

"Do you still feel you shouldn't be doing this?"

He chuckled. "Just a little bit." He got closer to her and kissed her cheek. "There, in the bedroom, we were different than we always are. Here, in the kitchen, you're back to _normal _Sam and she was forbidden to me."

"_Was_."

"I know." He turned her in his arms and kissed her. Then, he asked, "Do you need any help?"

"No, it's almost done." She finished cooking and they had lunch. He was quiet and pensive and Sam thought it was strange. It worried her.

"You haven't said a word since we started eating," she tried.

He looked down for a second. "Just thinking." He looked at her. "So much has changed in a few days. I'm free, I'm back home, I have a son and the twins are coming… and then, I have you. It's almost too much."

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm okay. Just a bit overwhelmed. It will take a while until I get used to all this goodness."

Sam smiled. She stood and started picking up the table. When she was close to him, she could not resist and stroked the back of his head. "I love this short hair here, the way it feels when I do this." She stroked it again.

"Do you want me to keep this haircut?" he asked with a smile.

"I like that your hair is growing back, but this little section from the nape of the neck…"

"You'd like a cut more like Cameron's?"

She sighed happily. "I will like it either way." She gave him a small kiss. "What do you want to do now?"

"Let's go to the library upstairs. I want to give you something."

"Okay."

Once in the library, he searched for a while. "You said all my books are here, right?"

"Yes. Teal'c and Jack put them there."

"So it could be anywhere." He searched for another while and then he grabbed a book from a shelf. "Here it is."

"What is it?"

"The Kama Sutra."

Sam laughed a little. "The Kama Sutra? You've had that there all along?"

"Sure. It's an ancient Indian text, written in Sanskrit by Vatsyayana, and it gives a very interesting view of the society of that time."

"So, interesting because of the language and because of the historical value, eh?" She asked with a hint of sarcasm.

Daniel smiled and opened the index page. "Look."

"Is it in English, too?"

"Yes, it has both versions. This is an old translation."

Sam looked at the page he was showing and was surprised. "_The Attainments of Virtue, Wealth, and Love_… _The Arrangements of a House and Household Furniture_… The _Daily Life of a Citizen,_ _His Companions, and Amusements_? Are you serious?"

Daniel smiled again. "Most people think this is about very complicated sex positions, but it has a lot more. Look at this."

"_About the Wives of Other People_?"

"It teaches how to win over the wives of other men in order to have sex with them."

"You've got to be kidding me."

"No. As I said, it tells a lot about those times."

"But it does have the sex part, right?"

"Sure, here, _On Sexual Union_, this is all about the _Sixty-Four Arts_. They thought there were eight basic ways of making love and they had eight positions within each of those, so that made it sixty-four."

"It sounds interesting," Sam said with a smile.

"I thought you'd like it. There's more. Just skip Chapter II of Part VII."

"Why?"

"It just gives me the creeps." He smiled. "Now you'll read it to know what it's about… I think it only hurts if you're a man. Probably it won't bother you," he half-faked shivering.

"Oh, come on. Now you have to tell me."

"No… It's just about how to get better if a man is not… It involves piercing, let's say." He shivered again.

"Ouch… Okay. I won't read it." She smiled. "You always amaze me."

"Don't give me too much credit. Just think that, after all these years, I still don't know how to re-wire a D.H.D."

"More re-_crystal_, I'd say," Sam corrected playfully.

"My point exactly."

"Well, we all have our strong suits."

"Yours amaze _me_."

"Thank you," she got closer and hugged him. "Let's get ready. They'll be here soon." As they walked towards the elevator, she thought that now that he was remembering some of his Ancient knowledge, maybe he would know how to _build_ a D.H.D., but that was not the point. Even if he knew, that would never be his specialty.

When Jack and the others came back from their visit to Glen Eyrie, Sam called Jack and Teal'c apart and explained what had happened with Daniel's ribs during the weekend. First, Jack was mad that she had not called him immediately, but then he calmed down when she added that the weekend on their own had given her the chance to talk to Daniel about their relationship. Jack and Teal'c did not ask for details, but were happy that at least something was moving along. They both knew of the plans that the committee for the public Stargate had made for Daniel in less than a month and they also knew they would start asking him to work with them very soon. The more stable Daniel's private life was, the better.

Daniel felt very uncomfortable. He did not know how to act around Sam when the others were present. Just in case, he kept a good distance from her while they had visitors. While Teal'c was helping Jack pack his stuff to move back to his house ─Daniel was almost healed and Jack did not want to be in the middle─ Daniel had a chance to talk with Sara. He liked her and it made him happy that Jack was going back to her.

On Monday morning, Jennifer was waiting for Sam by her office.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yes. It's just that Rodney and I spent the whole weekend figuring out a way to get Daniel to heal his leg."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. I think we got it. Rodney is setting things up in the Infirmary. If Daniel is willing to do it and you approve, we can try."

"Sure. Let me take care of a couple of things in my office and I'll go meet you there. Would you mind explaining it to Daniel? I'm sure he'd take the chance."

"Where is he?"

"In his office."

"Okay, we'll see you soon."

Sam walked into her office and started reviewing the papers Walter had left her ready on the desk. She wanted to be done quickly. She really wanted Jennifer's experiment to work and she wanted to be there with Daniel when it happened.


End file.
